The Better Version

The 'Fugee is not on Instagram and neither is my cousin, Chiquita, for that that matter so I often send them 'grams that I find moving. The 'Fugee's response to the one below. My friend...loves this. She's right. I love "this" kind of stuff...

“I was born in a refugee camp in Nepal and grew up there until I was 12. A lot of people in the camp weren’t super wealthy, but we had to do whatever it took to figure it out. You’d go to school where there were no teachers. You’d go to hospitals where there weren’t enough doctors. One thing I see here is that people are so focused on being dependent or independent. But there, it was more about how can we be interdependent and how we can work together to accomplish one goal. That is one thing I still try to focus on. The view was, society does not have to dictate and condition who I am. I want to define for myself what is real and okay and go with my gut. The real fight is not about you versus society or you versus nature. The real fight is you versus the better version of you."

A photo posted by Humans of St. Louis (@humans_of_stl) on Oct 13, 2016 at 11:57am PDT

I had no biking companion today so I decided to go to Zumba then to the bra shop because I couldn't make it to the bra shop during the week.

Went home and took a shower then headed out. Knew that it wasn't a good sign when I saw a note on the door. The owner had closed the store earlier than the dates she'd posted on her Facebook page. That was disappointing.

Found myself remembering the words of my play mother who happened to be at the airport as my aunt and I were headed to Las Vegas one year. My play mother lost her daughter in a freak accident and I will never forget what she said at the airport -- We're all going through something; I just try to keep my face off the floor...

Just an hour earlier, post-Zumba high intact, I had been quite happy. Situations don't always align the way that you want them to and that's that...

All Smiles After Zumba

And here's one more 'gram.

embracing your weirdness:  my daughter mentioned to her mimi (my mom) that sometimes the kids at school call her weird. char has always marched to the beat of her own drum, so i wasn't surprised when she said "but i don't care. because i am unique and different and people love me for who i am, anyway." so, may we all learn from my almost 9 year old that staying weird is cool. and having confidence about being different is a positive, not a negative. because there are people who'll take you as you are and love you anyway.

A photo posted by alexandra (@alex_elle) on Oct 14, 2016 at 10:25am PDT

With A Single Lap

By chance I looked at the swimming pool's website and discovered that open swim time was slated to change today. It's no fun arriving at the pool early because the deck is hot and, you know, time...

Tonight was one of those nights; I didn't know if I'd be able to swim one lap.  After said lap, I noticed that this guy had climbed down into the lane. He asked me if I was swimming for time or distance and I asked him about his goals and he said that he planned to swim a mile.

The pool wasn't crowded so I wondered why he was still standing in "my" lane until he mentioned the water temperature which was a degree or two cooler than last week. It had taken me about five minutes before I found the courage to submerge. Glad that I paused before making assumptions about lane sharing.

It was good and energizing to have Mr. Mile in the lane next to me. His question about my intentions made me dig in and swim a little longer than I had planned to...

Saw an article about Turia Pitt posted on Twitter. She is all kinds of inspiring...

The Grape Exercise

We had a mindfulness training at work on Thursday. You know, how to be mindful in your life and at work.

The presenter, Greg, talked about organized forms of mindfulness like yoga and Tai Chi etc. We also did an exercise with a grape -- concentrating and observing it for about three minutes then eating half of it. While we were studying the grape, I kept thinking that if I ate mindfully more often, my clothes wouldn't be shrinking...

I've been feeling pretty confident about the whole take my front wheel off my bicycle but got to the riverfront today and the brake cable wouldn't cooperate. Thought that Alison and I would end up walking but this guy who looked like a hardcore cyclist tried to put it back together and it didn't work for him either. He suggested putting the cable together then deflating the tire which then made it fit between the cable mechanism. Inexplicably, the darn thing worked when I reassembled at home.

Around the five mile mark, we hit the rest stop and there were some other women there with Nutcase helmets on. We chit-chatted with the women a bit and one, a former trauma nurse, gave us a friendly reminder about wearing helmets and then her friend chimed in to say that when you crash, your body is still going 14 miles per hour. Obviously, she hasn't witnessed the speed at which we ride. The little lecture definitely gave me something to think about though.

Went for a float again. It didn't seem as relaxing as last time but I do like the whole ritual of showering, floating then showering again followed by a post-float time-out in the relaxation room. While it wasn't as relaxing, it still felt like a reset.

Float Tank, Filtration System Activated

That Avenue

Got home from Zumba at 9:20 p.m. Spent a portion of class eyeballing myself in the mirror and wondering how I arrived at plump again. It's not the first time and it won't be the last time for musings of that sort.

When my mind goes down that avenue, I also feel like a bit of an ingrate because I love to feel my body in motion and I'm doing that -- plump or not.

Saw Dianne Bondy repost the situation below on Instagram and it totally resonated.

You are, we all are, so much more than our bodies. Your spirit withers under the pressure of counting, measuring,  weighing because your energy gets drained 😦 use your brain,  wisdom & energy for meaningful and important things in life, whatever that is for you 💙 Thanks to healthyplace.com (sorry,  Insta chopped the bottom off!) #bodypositive #bodycare #bodyrespect #mindfulness #spirit #energy #edrecovery #endeds #recoveryispossible #healing

A photo posted by Fiona Sutherland (@themindfuldietitian) on Oct 5, 2016 at 1:43pm PDT

When I went to the yoga event on Saturday, I was pretty sure that they'd be taking pictures and when I saw the camera on a tripod and a remote control, I cringed. Later on when I saw a picture on Instagram, I studied my image. I like the picture.We are all in action -- doing variations of a pose. I also like that it is not a staged picture. I don't like that I'm plump. However, I enjoyed the class. I was able to do almost everything. I laughed. I sang. I got high off of being around good people...

Original Photo by 314Yoga

Fiery and Feisty...

Didn't make it out of bed before 10 on Saturday or Sunday which meant that I didn't make it to yoga on Sunday but that was okay since I went to yoga on Saturday which I don't normally do and that practice sustained me. Dianne Bondy was in town and I went to a class that benefited Operation Backpack.

Dianne is a little firecracker and I enjoyed the class that managed to be fiery but gentle. It was a playful practice and I also liked the feisty soundtrack.

I don't know Dianne but I miss her. It gets lonely at yoga sometimes. Think Sharon Old's -- My Father Snoring:

...there were none of his kind around there anywhere.

For the bulk of time when I don't see anyone in yoga class who looks like me, I remind myself that I am surrounded by good people with good intentions and move on.

I also realized during a pop-up yoga event that I really like this teacher who jokes during class so, apparently, I like my yoga with a little of laughter and playfulness on the side...

It was really cute tonight when the woman next to me said Oooh, let me concentrate on relaxing. I think Monday is the only day that she comes to yoga so she's serious about making the most of her time on the mat.

Saw this poem on On Being's Instagram feed and it has been very comforting of late.

"Relax" by Ellen Bass Bad things are going to happen. Your tomatoes will grow a fungus and your cat will get run over. Someone will leave the bag with the ice cream melting in the car and throw your blue cashmere sweater in the drier. Your husband will sleep with a girl your daughter’s age, her breasts spilling out of her blouse. Or your wife will remember she’s a lesbian and leave you for the woman next door. The other cat– the one you never really liked–will contract a disease that requires you to pry open its feverish mouth every four hours. Your parents will die. No matter how many vitamins you take, how much Pilates, you’ll lose your keys, your hair and your memory. If your daughter doesn’t plug her heart into every live socket she passes, you’ll come home to find your son has emptied the refrigerator, dragged it to the curb, and called the used appliance store for a pick up–drug money. There’s a Buddhist story of a woman chased by a tiger. When she comes to a cliff, she sees a sturdy vine and climbs half way down. But there’s also a tiger below. And two mice–one white, one black–scurry out and begin to gnaw at the vine. At this point she notices a wild strawberry growing from a crevice. She looks up, down, at the mice. Then she eats the strawberry. So here’s the view, the breeze, the pulse in your throat. Your wallet will be stolen, you’ll get fat, slip on the bathroom tiles of a foreign hotel and crack your hip. You’ll be lonely. Oh taste how sweet and tart the red juice is, how the tiny seeds crunch between your teeth. [Image by Megan Leetz, via Flickr] #poetry #relax

A photo posted by On Being (@onbeing) on Sep 23, 2016 at 7:16am PDT

Giving Myself Credit

One of my aunts texted me last night to see if I wanted to go to the Sista Strut. I didn't even know that there was such a walk but declined. It had been a long week and I knew that I would not make it downtown by 8:00 a.m.

As it turned out, I crawled out of bed at 10. Nixed Zumba because I didn't have that kind of energy but I did walk in Forest Park for about three miles.  

Forecast at Forest Park

Last night dreamed that someone knocked on the door twice and I told them to go away. Later, I went outside and saw that there was a car that had been hit and on the other side of the car,  people were practicing yoga. When I looked at my car, I could see that it had been hit and that the person who knocked on the door was the obvious hitter but he took off upon spotting me. I was able to get the license plate number but not the make and model of the car. Weird dream...

Before I went to the park, I went to the bank and wanted change a specific way but the woman only had part of what I wanted and I told her that I would accept "x" instead of "y" but she said I'm going to give you what you want.

Sometimes the simplest of responses resonate with me. I really like the notion of getting what I ask for and I'm going to work on not settling.

Listened to an episode of The Moth as I walked. I don't want to give away the whole story but it, "George Lombardi & Mary Navarre," was, in part, about getting what you want. This Moth story gave me goosebumps as did two stories in the Phone Call, Flamenco, Surprise Party. The story that really shook me to the core was Auburn Sandstrom's; I found it so moving...

On another note, I'm not going to do a month-end review but will say that I am proud of myself for swimming a mile, getting back on my bike and going back to the climbing gym. My first visit to the climbing gym was god-awful so I'm definitely giving myself credit for going back yesterday.

The Good Swimmer

Felt like I'd been away from work for weeks instead of one and took that as a good sign.

I had a great staycation -- not sure what made this time so much better than previous post-birthday vacations but I'll take it.

On Saturday went to Crystal Fest and on Sunday went to Active Nation Day at Ballpark Village. As we were practicing yoga, I heard this buzzing sound and just as I looked up the teacher let us know that it was a drone. I'm pretty sure that when I signed up online, I agreed to have my picture taken or something like that but, ugh, the horror. As Alison said, "We've been droned."

Later on I looked at the organizer's website and alerted Alison that the video was there but, as she said, the footage wasn't scintillating enough to go viral. We were both thankful.

I also wanted to go to the Strange Folk Festival but it was so hot this past weekend.

Went swimming tonight even though I feel a little under the weather. This woman asked me how many laps I usually do and she talked about her lap goals then said But I don't swim as good as you. It still surprises me when someone mentions me...swimming...and good in the same sentence.

Last night I went to yoga and we got the chairs out! Joy joked that we were not going to do geriatric yoga but whatever -- chair yoga, gentle yoga -- count me in...

Zen Garden from Crystal Fest