Friday, March 9, 2012

I Like the Way He Killed Him or The Gospel According to My Aunt Al (Second Edition)

This coffee mug pretty much mirrors how I feel. No matter how many self-care activities I've engaged in, I've pretty much lost my patience and a whole lot of goodwill by Friday. I was going for my calm-the-nerves Friday afternoon coffee when the mug slipped out of my hand. One of my friends gave it to me a long time ago. I'm gonna try not to think about broken things and, instead, think about how my aunt amuses me...

  • The problem with having kids when you're young is that they grow old with you.

  • You've got a problem; You need to stay out of those stores.

    My aunt to my cousin who loves to shop.

  • My cousin: I have two pairs of brown boots. I need some black ones.

    My aunt: You'll probably get them soon. (To me) She doesn't have too many wants.

  • The store ain't no joke. You wanna get broke; go into the grocery store.

  • Deals ain't got shit that's a dollar anymore.

  • I'm not eating that; it's for fat people.

    After quitting beer, my aunt starting hitting the Neapolitan ice cream hard so I bought her some reduced fat ice cream but she didn't quite go for it...

  • They're not meant to last forever.

    To me after saying that I don't plan on buying another car for a very, very long time.

  • When Leatha gets concerned, everyone should be concerned.

    My aunt re: her sister who is usually unshakable.

  • I've been taking care of me for a long time.

    Re: my cousin's offer to handle things if my aunt runs into problems post-retirement.

  • If she says that she has four, that means she has more.

    My Aunt Al after my cousin window shopped for another reversible leather jacket.

  • Boy, she's wearing that bed out.

    My aunt on Carrie after Mr. Big leaves her at the altar in the Sex in the City movie.

  • I liked the way he killed him.

    After Robert De Niro's character assassinated William Fichtner's in Heat
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