Wednesday, November 18, 2020

Something Wild

Recently had a split on my bottom lip. The last time that I had an issue with my lip was many years ago when I had a reaction to a certain seafood. The first hole in my ear was inflamed. I've had bumps on my cheekbone, biceps tendonitis (maybe) and tight rhomboids. Plus, I did too many hip openers during yoga and that left me barely able to walk.

Had so much going on that I pulled out The Body Keeps The Score which I read during yoga teacher training. All in all, I should be grateful for all of the times when my body is not keeping the score...

I often admire the tulips at a local park and at the botanical garden and decided to do something wild like ordering tulip bulbs. Thank goodness for YouTube. I was going to try to dig the designated area with a trowel but went with a shovel after watching a few how-to videos. 

It was so gratifying digging my little area and when I saw a few wriggling worms, it made me think of how my grandmother would dig for fishing worms. 

Speaking of my grandmother, my aunt shared a picture that one of my cousins forwarded to her of my grandmother and another cousin. In the picture, my cousin's face is so soft and it made me think of how much my grandmother loved him and also how much my grandmother loved me and how much I miss her. 

Wore a "Day of the Dead' mask to work and a co-worker who speaks mostly Spanish showed me a picture of an altar that she'd made for her husband. The altar was beautiful and I'm considering doing something similar next year. I'm not one for visiting a cemetery but this seems like an appropriate way to honor the dead. Thank you Gingerzingi for making this mask for me. 

Monday, October 26, 2020

Another Round

I've been doing yoga almost daily and my body is still cranky, but I also haven't had bodywork since early in the year. 

I intensely miss seeing people outside of my bubble so my body isn’t the only thing that’s cranky.

I'm on the mailing list of this restorative yoga teacher and she's offering a savasana the day before the election and she also mentioned that she's been practicing restorative a lot lately and it dawned on me that that's why I'm doing a lot of restorative yoga. Honestly, I think that I'd be totally dysfunctional without yoga right now. The stress is still there but it would be worse. 

I was thinking about the toll that this current toxic stew has taken on people's health... I remember reading that more people have heart attacks on Monday. Can't even imagine what's going on now...

Went for a walk with my cousin yesterday and she talked about how she'd read how being outside makes you feel better and that she said that her mood really is elevated when she gets out. 

Posted this "fall vibes" picture and a friend left a message saying that she had been in the park and when I talked to her, found out that she was in the park at the exact same time -- wish that I had known...

Knew that Barrett was going to be confirmed but it didn't make it any less upsetting -- especially when I saw this nonsense.

Got off Twitter and went to do another round of restorative yoga.

Friday, October 16, 2020

The Singer's Name

Met with an out-of-town friend last Monday. As we negotiated plans, she asked me where I wanted to meet and I listed a couple of options and described one place as one where I loved to walk and she wrote, "Let's do the walk you love." Seeing that sentence immediately changed my mood and made me smile. 

From now on, I am requesting that all talks about meeting up, end this way. Just kidding... 

We went for a walk and we both had our masks on and, wow, walking without a mask -- I miss that. 

This relationship with this friend is a reminder to embrace serendipity. It has also been a lesson in living a balanced life... 

I was thinking about a friend and former coworker on Monday. Was working from home yesterday but needed to print some things so I headed to the office at an odd time. Went by a community garden that this friend belongs to but she's not usually there on Wednesdays.  Spotted her car, pulled over and grabbed my mask so that I could chit chat... Most of the sunflowers are gone but she still had zinnias and gave me a bouquet of zinnia and lavender -- a moment of delight in a world that makes little sense right now. 

The garden has tons of other things. In fact, a man gave me red chili peppers. Saw tomatoes too but I guess that sunflowers were special to me because the goldfinches loved them. 

My other synchronous moment happened last Friday. Met a friend in the park for yoga. In the morning a singer popped into my head and I shared lyrics from one of her songs and mentioned the singer again at the end of class -- not even knowing what was up with my repetition. 

Noticed my friend pause at the mention of the singer but I've learned not to make assumptions while people practice yoga. The next morning she messaged me to say that she had been thinking about names for her puppy and it was a variation of the singer's name. 

Thursday, October 1, 2020

Balcony or Not

Didn't feel like doing anything for my birthday but one of my aunts kept pushing for a celebration of some fashion so a handful of us got together and spaced out. We had French onion soup, salad and other sides and I was having a good time until...

my iPod kept showing alerts and, damn, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is no more. My aunt is a retired nurse so, of course, she came from the underlying issues perspective and, as others have said, our democracy should not have to rely on one Supreme Court judge.

This aunt also likes to make collages. The one picture in particular that I kept staring at was my baby picture. Life is hard right now but I kept thinking that that baby has come a long way and has had a relatively safe journey...

So far, I've canceled two memberships and have taken my walking up a notch. When I walk now, though, I find myself looking at people with balconies, side porches and stand-alone sun porches. I find myself coveting these spaces and think about how nice it would be to sit on a balcony while reading. In my fantasy space, I also think about doing yoga. 

And, yoga... If I get to practice at night, I count my lucky stars because in my current role as caretaker, it doesn't always happen. So, in the end, I guess it doesn't matter if have a balcony or not...

Sent a birthday card to the yoga teacher that I went on the retreat with when 45 won the election. Knowing what I know now about teaching yoga, I thanked her for the class that she led the morning after. It was a difficult task and she was able to pull herself together even though there were several of us sobbing. 

She had also been thinking about that day in Negril and said that 45 turned out to be a million times worse than she'd imagined and she talked about her privilege in taking the stance that she did but I told her that he had also turned out worse than I'd expected...

Listened to The Good German episode of Gaslit Nation and Sarah Kendzior and Andrea Chalupa are not surprised, at all, about 45.

Kendzior was on point on when she said that autocracy and fascism ends badly for everyone except a few profiteers and earlier in the episode when she talks about the depth of heartlessness. 

Sunday, September 13, 2020

About The Sunflowers

On July 31st ended up at the DMV renewing my tags because I had forgotten that they were due and, because of COVID-19, lines were outside. This woman asked me what I was having done and I told her and she said that the line for license renewal was on the other side and that line only had one person in it. 

What made her say something to me? She was my angel for the day...

In addition to COVID-19, racism and the climate crisis, life is even more difficult for me because of work and home. I'm pretty sure that I am not the only one in this predicament but, yeah, very little is soft or enjoyable right now. 

Before life really turned bizarre, I agreed to participate in my yoga studio's third anniversary celebration this past Friday. The teachers taught relay style and I was the final one and played singing bowls and led the class out of savasana.

One of the teachers did laughing yoga and a teachers two spots away from me was laughing so hard that it made me laugh and, at one point, I looked up at the little tree next to me and the sky, and I was able to really lighten up and relax. 

After class was over with, I heard this mariachi band and I thought, "It's a night for a music" and then I saw a guy round the corner with sunflowers and realized that he was about to propose to one of the yoga teachers. It was kind of a magical night and the other part that made my day was a yoga teacher who approached me with her daughter who told me how much she enjoyed the singing bowls. As the 'Fugee would say, it melted my heart...

Went to Cahokia Mounds to walk with my cousin today and as we climbed the stairs, this woman asked us if we knew about the sunflowers. Sunflowers, what? I knew about the sunflower field in St. Louis but not in Illinois. So, of course, we went. 

What is it about sunflowers that are so delightful? Why did that woman ask my cousin and me? I love everyday angels. Also, my cousin and I had walked at different locations previously. Had we not changed venues, we might not have found out about the sunflowers. 

Tuesday, July 21, 2020


Was half-asleep on Friday night when I noticed someone mixing vodka in a singing bowl.

Mentioned my "dream" to the 'Fugee and she said it was if my singing bowls were drunk. Had I imagined it? I have been playing singing bowls at night soooo...

Anyway, I couldn't get the imagine out of my head and I finally found the very short commercial...

Decided to tackle the bathtub caulking on Saturday, ugh. Haven't done it in awhile and my arm was smarting by the time that I got the old caulk off. Even though I bought painter's tape, didn't use it initially but I quickly stopped and went to retrieve it. Got more caulk on the tape but it definitely produced better results than the first part that I tried to freestyle.

Stopped to cook then applied the new caulk. What to say? I did the best job that I could do. Super tired of the do it yourself way but don't have anyone else who's going to do it for me.

Decided to get a new shower curtain that I think is cheerful as I could use some cheer.

Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Not The Better Thing

I keep thinking about this woman on Twitter who pondered the reason why George Floyd's death has been such a watershed event. She speculated that it was the method of execution as we have become so accustomed to gun deaths...

Like others, I am trying to live my life, trying to do my self-care rituals and work in the midst of the twin pandemics -- COVID-19 and racism...

About two weeks ago, I received an amazing gift that made me think about Seinfeld, "What is this salty discharge coming from my eyes?" The gift also made me feel like I could go out into the world and be a better person. I also saw it as a sign of better things to come...

Because of lay-offs, I am alone in my department at work (not the better thing). Took PTO days because I was almost over the limit and, when I returned to the office, had a new office mate and then another one. It was one of the crappiest feelings -- not having time to grieve. It is, technically, okay to have this arrangement as the people who are now in my office have sneeze guards around their desks but knowing that I'm in a higher risk group, it's not a nice feeling to have the population in my office increase, especially since they are not here to help me.

Noticed water leaking in the basement and thought, "Aw, shit; the ancient pipes are ready to blow." The day before a plumber was scheduled to come out my next-door neighbor, who likes to thrift shop, went to someone's house to pick up planters and it was the woman who grew up in my house. She showed my neighbor a painting of my house that someone, who was across the street convalescing, painted decades ago.

Getting a picture of this painting was my sign that everything was going to be alright. The pipes hadn't sprung a leak but the caulking needs to be redone on the tub. It's another thing to put on the to-do list but more manageable than having to get new pipes. Actually went to Lowe's and couldn't find everything that I needed and walked out of the store empty-handed...

I was listening to this episode, Anti-racism and Allyship, of Yogaland podcast and this woman talked about how the Black community is in grieving and that is has been a cyclical pattern of grief and there it is --exactly how I feel. Could not put my finger on it -- why I felt like I was an airplane in an eternal holding pattern. Why people get on my nerves who respond, "I'm good."

It's grief.