Saturday, December 7, 2019


Bought way more than I expected post-Thanksgiving. Planned to acquire at least one more singing bowl and did my usual back and forth about the necessity of purchasing more stuff.

My sound equipment arrived on Wednesday which was the same day that I was collaborating with Jocelyn to do a restorative, sound experience so I took my new bowl along after testing it out. 

This woman, Lisa, approached me and shared that she is a St. Louis native, does sound healing but now lives on the West Coast. When she comes home, she likes to check out the sound scene.

Lisa and I talked plus exchanged Instagram information after class and was surprised when I saw that she followed me on Twitter until I remembered that my Twitter information is on Instagram but I was even more surprised when I saw what Lisa tweeted; it was so moving (understatement).

I experienced doubt about my purchase and about sound therapy and Lisa's generous tweet was a sign that I needed.

Monday, December 2, 2019


What time will you be here? That was my question to my nephew, D, who wanted to know what time I usually wake up. 

D told me his estimated time of arrival was 6:00 a.m. so I set my alarm clock and heard his knock on the door right around that time. 

My aunt G said that she was bringing breakfast. When she arrived and pulled a dozen eggs out of her shopping cart, I realized that she was bringing the materials for breakfast. We are not the best at communicating in my family.

By the time that my aunt arrived, I knew that my nephew and his companions were hungry so I started making omelets. My aunt didn't like the way that I added raw vegetables (mushrooms, bell peppers, onions) and she also told me to slow down because she usually does eggs last. 

My aunt likes to cook her bell peppers and onions before adding them to omelets; you learn something new every day. Despite our different techniques, it was nice to stand side-by-side with my aunt and cook. That saying about too many cooks in the kitchen totally popped into my head though. 

Everyone got fed and, as I passed out coffee, thought about a picture in the office of a massage therapist that I used to go to. It said something like: As we provide comfort, we are comforted... 

On Saturday I was totally confused about the whereabouts of Friday. What had I done? Where had the time gone? 

I barely moved on Thursday and Friday and I don't remember the last time I moved so little...

Decided to take extra days off and I'm glad that I did. I was not prepared, at all, to return to work. So much energy and work goes into the holidays. It feels like, at a minimum, we should devote a week to Thanksgiving. Everything just feels so rushed... 

Reached out to Alison about going to Gloria's yoga class. That 60 minutes of yoga felt so good. Haven't been doing much studio yoga lately. Kind of looking for a yoga home again. Once upon a time, thought that I had found one.  For now and for the most part, I'm content to do yoga at home. Also, everything is messing with my head, including All My Relations and White Women Killed Yoga

Monday, November 25, 2019

Next to Last Dance

Had a dream that I went to a yoga event and left my singing bowls at home.

The "leaving" dream used to be about traveling. I would get to the airport and not have my camera. On the way back to the airport, I would have to take a boat and would have a hard time paddling...

This weekend went to the funeral for my twin uncles' half brother. Their brother, Main,  looks more like one of my uncle's twin than the actual twin. Main also had avsimilar knack for being able to fix just about anything like my other twin uncle who doesn't look like him.

One of Main's friends got up to give remarks and he chuckled after every two sentences and it was so nice to hear the laughter...

On my way to Zumba, I listened to the episode of  That's So Retrograde about Somatic Experiencing and Mercier Massage. I had never heard of the latter. As I listened to the podcast, started thinking about the state of the world and my mind went biblical as in Where are the Davids to all of these Goliaths?

It was the next to last class for the Zumba teacher who is taking her talents to another facility. She played Last Dance by Donna Summer as the cool down song. Ooooh, that was like pouring salt into a wound. I saw several people crying.

This woman who attends three Zumba classes with me said that Zumba is not supposed to make you cry. True that...

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

With Ambivalence

On Saturday, went to hang out with my yoga classmates; it ended up being much longer than I had planned but it was a relaxing evening and I enjoyed talking with them and the chores can wait another week, month...

As we talked, my classmate Camille said that she was missing book club. Upon further discussion, Camille mentioned that they had read The Bluest Eye and I said that it really took listening to the audio version for me to fully appreciate this book. Camille asked if Morrison read her own book. Yes, I responded.

My yes lead me to listen to audio clips of The Bluest Eye and Song of Solomon. Hearing Morrison's voice was so sweet and it made me feel at ease.

After a month-long hiatus, went swimming last night. What I love about the latter part of the year is that the water is just a tad bit warmer. Don't really enjoy that open swim is moved back to 7:30 p.m. in the fall but I deal with it. I totally missed the water and my body felt properly stretched and in alignment afterward...

There's this woman who attends Zumba classes on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. I asked her tonight how she was doing and she said, with an ambivalent face, okay. I related.

Listened to about 40 minutes of the Kryptonite for the Inner Critic, Self-Compassion Series episode of 10% Happier then I moved on to different podcasts. For some reason, I gave it another try today and it was just what I needed.

Towards the end of yoga teacher training, I remember how Stacy said that she felt more generous and didn't feel the need to be so insular.

I'm not feeling very generous and after listening to most of Kryptonite, I know that's okay but I'm also looking forward to being more than okay.

Sunday, November 17, 2019


Went to Zumba on Saturday and that was quickly followed by leaf-raking.

During the really windy, snowy day - right after the 70 degree day, many leaves fell down. After I finished with leaves, chilled out until it was time to go to  a gathering with yoga classmates. Stayed longer than I intended but we were having a relaxing evening and catching up but goodbye Saturday...

Had not planned to but I just finished reading three books, back-to-back, about refugees, including one the 'Fugee gave me about a decade ago, After the Fall: Srebrenica Survivors in St. Louis. The one memory that pops into my mind is of people (seen via the news) trying to get water on Sniper Alley. Little did I know that many Bosnians would end up in St. Louis...

I'm taking a break from refugee stories to read yet another non-fiction book, An Embarrassment of Mangoes...

As I was heading home last night, I finished listening to the Scott episode of the Heavyweight podcast. I have liked most episodes but this one is definitely one of my favorites as it had an unexpected and soft ending.

Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of my sound therapy course. To celebrate, I plan to buy myself a small gong on Black Friday or Cyber Monday

Three years ago, I was in Negril on a yoga retreat; darn those social media reminders.

Monday, November 11, 2019


On Mondays I go a little bit out of my way to a Zumba class in the county.

Last week, the instructor let us know that she's taking a position at another fitness club in a frou-frou part of town. The class was an uncharacteristically quiet one. The teacher kept saying, "I'm not dead and you still have seven chances to dance with me and we're going to party it up and you can request your favorite songs and, as a matter of fact, you can still workout with me and, literally, request a spot."

I had a little dialogue going on inside my head about how nothing stays the same and how change is inevitable then I started planning to, possibly, shift around my schedule and I also started to think about classmates that I may not see again.

As we exited class, heard another student say that she wouldn't be able to make it to the other gym which is, literally, not a gym; it's like an intentional community. One of my coworkers is familiar with the the place and says that a day pass is $60 dollars...

Yesterday, it was 70 degrees. On my walk, I saw birds eating berries. When I looked up and saw the birds snacking, I was delighted.

Today was a different story. Supposedly, the streets were too warm for snow to build-up but it did build up, mostly, on the grass but it was persistent. My boss, who doesn't usually close or let us go home early, let us go home about an hour early.

Found out that Zumba was cancelled so I did the Latin Cardio on Amazon and a few Zumba videos on YouTube. Working out home is challenging.

Finished Zoya's Story, the second book in my campaign to read books that have been sitting on my bookshelves for a decade or more. 

Wednesday, October 23, 2019


Just finished reading Letters to a Young Muslim. Heard Omar Saif Ghobash on On Being and instantly wanted to read it. Took me a couple of chapters to get into it but I liked it.

I'm going to try to start reading books that have been sitting on my shelves for years. First, I got Walter Mosley's Bad Boy Brawly Brown off the shelf. The very first sentence had less than five words but it reminded me of my dad. We watched Devil in a Blue Dress together and I remember how much he liked the character, Mouse.

It's kind of funny. I almost feel like I had a false start with BBBB at one point as it feels familiar...

Got to the gym and this woman asked me if I was going to Zumba. She had read the schedule and decided to try it. I told her that I couldn't stand the machines anymore. Her response, "Do you get better results with Zumba?" LOL, I haven't thought about results in a very long time. I just know that exercise is good for you and that it is good for me in many ways.

Went by the post office and the clerk asked if I wanted any particular stamps and I said, "The peace stamps." She looked puzzled and pointed to the stamps that I wanted and she said, "Oh, the Woodstock stamp." I said, "Yeah, it says ...peace and music forever..." The clerk started laughing very energetically. She had never noticed the words and then she pointed to the sizable poster on the wall and she said, "Oh my God, I'm so stupid."

I assured her that we all miss things.

She was still laughing as I walked away.