The Gospel According to Mike

Note: Mike is one of my belay partners and Patti's husband. I'm kind of jealous because Mike just took Lead Climbing 101 which I want to, eventually, take.

After Patti climbed Bristol Crix, a 5.9 route:


If Patti had trouble climbing that route, I'm not going to attempt it; I know who wears the climbing pants in the family.

After climbing and before heading out to lunch:

When I'm sitting with Patti, I give fat bald men everywhere hope...

On Patti's Delayed Onset of Sarcasm:

Yeah, then she shows up with a sword in one hand and a salt shaker in the other...

After Patti tackled Inconceivable, a challenging 5.9 route:

You're queen of the wall.

As Patti and I were leaving: Thanks for driving my wife up the wall. (There were four of us climbing that day so we split off into groups of two.)

A Few Days Later:

Me: How long did you and Chris stay after Patti and I left?

Mike: Not long. I only did four routes. I'm lazy, no good and worthless; just ask Patti.

Mike's answer to a question posed by Joe:

She's (Patti) not sane; she married me.

On why I decided to climb Chag, 5.9/5.8 route.

Me: Patti goaded me into doing it -- but in a nice way.

Mike: Good thing you're not married to her; it wouldn't be in a nice way. We've had 11 good years of marriage but we won't talk about the other 17.

We stayed together for the sake of the children...Neither one of us wanted custody of them.

Juanita, a rock climbing newbie: My forearms hurt. I'm taking a break.

Mike to Juanita: Just remember: there is no problem big enough that you can't run away from it.

Mike experienced a little post-Pacman Revival (a 5.9 route) elbow pain:

Patti: Do we need more ice packs?

Mike: We need more youth.

Mike to me: Did I ever tell you about my concussion?

Me: No.

Mike: It didn't effect me at all.


An hour later...


Mike to me: Did I ever tell you about my concussion? It didn't effect me at all.

Patti put her head down, laughed and walked away.

Mike: You get the girl and the laughter...

(Mike belaying for Patti)

Patti -- after climbing Chickens Don't Clap, a 5.10a route: I'm going to get a drink of water then throw up.

Mike: Don't waste the water...

Mike: Climbing is like baseball -- there is no clock.

Me: Patti's in rarefied air; she's rocking the 5.10's now.

Mike: She's always been a perfect 10 to me...

To Mike who was belaying for me: Do you mind if I do laps?

Mike: Now, we wouldn't be friends if we didn't let you abuse yourself...

There are two ways to have a successful marriage.

1). Let your wife think she's in control.

2). If number one does not work, let her be in control.