Sunday, September 26, 2010

Holding On

The shoulder situation made a comeback and I've been treating it with massage therapy but a funny thing would happen on the way to massage therapy: the pain, discomfort and soreness (from exercise) would just about disappear.

The second time the pain disappeared prior to my appointment, I figured something psychological might be going on.

The day after the last massage that I had the discomfort, which had already switched sides of the shoulder, returned to my upper right arm, my shoulder blade and sometimes on the side of my neck. The shoulder blade situation felt like a tight little radius of intensity and heat with a kink right in the middle.

My friend (HC), her sister and I went to Community Acupuncture's open house today. After treatment, my friend asked me what I thought.

Me: It is what it is...
That's when I realized I was in a foul mood and stressed-out.

I have been feeling stuck and there is little wonder that my muscles are in a holding pattern.

I'm frustrated with rock climbing no matter what my belay partners tell me about my tenacity and strength.

I'm frustrated with front crawl breathing even though I've been told that everyone struggles with it.

I'm frustrated that I seem unable to lose more weight. One year plateau anyone?

I have angst about my new body and I didn't see that one coming.

I may have fitness fatigue.

And my face? Even it looks strange after weight loss.

While I was waiting on my friend and her sister to finish up their acupuncture sessions, I read through The Asian Diet book and one of the things it said about stress is that your body holds on to weight. Imagine that...

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my friend Lori and I was reluctant to vent. I told her that I sounded ungrateful and she told me that I wasn't being ungrateful; I was just expressing how I feel.

I also have a tendency to not want to own up to sadness etc. because, in the back of mind, I feel as if things might get worse if I vent. Not sure where I got that idea from and, having said that, turning the calendar page from August to September made me sad. I even took the calendar off the wall for a while.

I went rock climbing yesterday and swimming today. Clearly, if I had a serious shoulder injury, I would not have been able to climb or swim.

Just acknowledging, though, that I haven't been feeling cheery has taken some of the weight off my shoulders. I'm sure that floating helped too...

Postscript: Since I'm getting stuff off my shoulders, even though I swim laps, my treading bites and I am not wholly comfortable with the deep end.


  1. I believe that our bodies hold onto stress in weird ways and that could definitely manifest itself as a sore muscle or even an illness.

    It sounds like you have been working really hard. I also believe that a lot of this weight loss or exercise plateau thing could be genetic.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is not to be so hard on youself.

  2. When was the last time you did something just for fun? And I know that you love climbing, but like with me and yoga, if you do it too much, you start to stress about it.

    Love you pookie!!

    And you are allowed to vent and talk about things as much as you want - that is part of life. :D

  3. Here's what I think: blogs are FOR venting, whining, complaining, and all around being a big old crybaby. That's the whole point of them!

    But I understand, I feel the same way, and always preface my complaining with a bunch of explanatory notes and apologies. Somewhere I've gotten the idea that I'm not allowed to feel dissatisfied or unhappy with anything, or that if I do, I'm not allowed to express it.

    How we perceive ourselves is sometimes so different from the way others see us. I always feel that I'm negative and whiny and a total bummer to be around. My husband and my friends are shocked at this: apparently one of the things they like about me is that I'm positive and strong and forward-looking! I guess the disconnect is that I give that to others, but I don't give it to myself.

    I get a lot of encouragement from your writing, and the occasional gripe just makes you more real and believable, and is a lesson that everyone struggles. I'm sure some wise person said that it's not how many times you fall down that counts; it's how many times you get up. You always get up.

  4. @Sara, Angela & gingersnapper,

    Thanks for your sage advice and support; it means a lot...