Turkey and Spit Sandwich or Overheard...

I spent nearly two hours in traffic court. Since the judge went in alphabetical order, I was the last one on the regular docket. A big up, though, to the law firm who told me to go to court for one ticket and ask for a continuance on the other one. I keep thinking about what I could have spent traffic ticket money on but it's too late for that. Here's what I overheard in court...

Please tell me that you didn't drive here...They're always in the car, aren't they?

The judge to a woman with a suspended license who said that her brother had driven her and was waiting in the car.

Don't do that.

The judge to a 19-year-old who was putting his new court date in his Blackberry but after the judge warned everyone to turn cell phones off.

I can't be anymore magnanimous than that.

The judge telling a man that if he produced certain papers his fine and points would be reduced.

Judge: Where do you work?

Offender: On The Hill.

Judge: Can I still eat there?

Offender: Yes.

Judge: And get a turkey and spit sandwich...

I didn't run into it. The truck did.

A woman without insurance whose car somehow moved from parked position.

I need to see proof of insurance -- six months -- no Rodney D. Young-30-day- insurance.

The judge

That's my anniversary date. I've been married for 37 years; those were six of the best years of my life...

Judge

Offender: I'm guilty. I did it.

Judge: So, there's no need to shine the bright lights in your eyes?

We already sent you to driving school. What's wrong with this picture?

Judge

It was amended to littering.

The judge to the court clerk on an offender's charge been reduced from points.

You're going to be in tall cotton...

The judge to an offender who had racked up over $700 in fines. If he produces certain documents, his fines and points will be reduced.

My six months of French paid off.

The judge re: his flawless pronunciation of an offender's name.

The representatives from the driving school are sitting out there near the...

Judge

If you've never been on time for anything, trust me: you want to be on time for driving school. They lock the doors when class starts.

Judge

Judge: How do you plead?

Offender: Guilty with an explanation. My speedometer was broken.

Judge: The o...l...d broken speedometer defense. Even the bailiff thought that was funny and he's not easily amused... You know that you're responsible for the repair of your car?

Although she didn't show, Gladys Knight was on the docket. You know the judge couldn't resist making references after he called her name...