You're Taken or Overheard Everywhere

You should be more respectful to your belayer.

Leah to her friend Jessica

Do they sell gloves or something? My fingers hurt.

Newbie rock climber

Excuse me; it's overflowing.

Woman in Trader Joe's new to the coffee grinder. I reached around her and apologized as I shook her can to make room for more coffee.

Cekaj! Cekaj, man!

One horse playing Bosnian to another while in the pool. Cekaj = wait...

You need to get out. Now...

Lifeguard to man who got up a full head of steam and dived into the shallow end.

I'll climb anything from a 5.2 to a 5.12.

Yusuf

Climber: It wasn't pretty.

Her friend: It was beautiful. I'm very proud of you.

I like leeks in everything...

Coworker

The body has an amazing ability to heal itself if given the proper nutrition.

Bryan, acupuncturist

Climber: Take.

Belayer: You're taken.

When the climber has reached the top of a route, he or she usually says "take" or "take it up" and the belayer says "gotcha." The belayer, in this instance, is a native French speaker and I really like the way he turned the phrase after his climber asked for a "take."

Unique Climbing Invitation

I've been waiting for Leah to wax poetic again...


We checked our schedule,
Then checked it twice;
And hope that you'll be nice
To climb with us this yule.

This Sunday Fair
The fun starts at eleven
Will there be all seven?
The question remains where?
Which location
To practice our vocation?


* * *

In addition to poetry, here's a little rock climbing humor.

The Gospel According to Mike

Note: Mike is one of my belay partners and Patti's husband. I'm kind of jealous because Mike just took Lead Climbing 101 which I want to, eventually, take.

After Patti climbed Bristol Crix, a 5.9 route:


If Patti had trouble climbing that route, I'm not going to attempt it; I know who wears the climbing pants in the family.

After climbing and before heading out to lunch:

When I'm sitting with Patti, I give fat bald men everywhere hope...

On Patti's Delayed Onset of Sarcasm:

Yeah, then she shows up with a sword in one hand and a salt shaker in the other...

After Patti tackled Inconceivable, a challenging 5.9 route:

You're queen of the wall.

As Patti and I were leaving: Thanks for driving my wife up the wall. (There were four of us climbing that day so we split off into groups of two.)

A Few Days Later:

Me: How long did you and Chris stay after Patti and I left?

Mike: Not long. I only did four routes. I'm lazy, no good and worthless; just ask Patti.

Mike's answer to a question posed by Joe:

She's (Patti) not sane; she married me.

On why I decided to climb Chag, 5.9/5.8 route.

Me: Patti goaded me into doing it -- but in a nice way.

Mike: Good thing you're not married to her; it wouldn't be in a nice way. We've had 11 good years of marriage but we won't talk about the other 17.

We stayed together for the sake of the children...Neither one of us wanted custody of them.

Juanita, a rock climbing newbie: My forearms hurt. I'm taking a break.

Mike to Juanita: Just remember: there is no problem big enough that you can't run away from it.

Mike experienced a little post-Pacman Revival (a 5.9 route) elbow pain:

Patti: Do we need more ice packs?

Mike: We need more youth.

Mike to me: Did I ever tell you about my concussion?

Me: No.

Mike: It didn't effect me at all.


An hour later...


Mike to me: Did I ever tell you about my concussion? It didn't effect me at all.

Patti put her head down, laughed and walked away.

Mike: You get the girl and the laughter...

(Mike belaying for Patti)

Patti -- after climbing Chickens Don't Clap, a 5.10a route: I'm going to get a drink of water then throw up.

Mike: Don't waste the water...

Mike: Climbing is like baseball -- there is no clock.

Me: Patti's in rarefied air; she's rocking the 5.10's now.

Mike: She's always been a perfect 10 to me...

To Mike who was belaying for me: Do you mind if I do laps?

Mike: Now, we wouldn't be friends if we didn't let you abuse yourself...

There are two ways to have a successful marriage.

1). Let your wife think she's in control.

2). If number one does not work, let her be in control.

Getting What I Wanted

I was itching to go climbing. It is Saturday, after all, and Saturday = rock climbing. Hello!

Patti was itching to go climbing outside but I was not itching to climb outside especially since Patti and crew were going rock climbing at Jackson Falls.

I had misgivings about going because I've never climbed outdoors and I know next to nothing about what kind of equipment is needed and I like to do my research. I know that I would have been in good hands but the trek to Jackson Falls was going to be an all day affair and I just didn't feel like I had all day.

I pouted internally and I was a little bummed out and part of my pouting was due to my inflexibility and need to be in control.

I was wondering if I should go to the gym at all but knew if I didn't I would be haunted, later on in the day, by thoughts of going rock climbing. I headed to the gym but even my harness wasn't cooperating; it was all twisted and tangled. After I down climbed my warm up route, I was looking around and saw this guy and we made eye contact.

Him: Are you waiting on someone?
Me: No.
Him: Do you want to climb a few routes together?
Me: Sure.

The old me would have never agreed to climb with someone I did not know. For that matter, the old me would not have been climbing.

He (Joe) asked how long I had been climbing and if I felt comfortable belaying. I told him that I was completely comfortable belaying and that I had been climbing seriously for about six months. He had been climbing for two years but had taken a hiatus. I later learned that Joe had been afraid of heights, he's never taken a rock climbing class and his friend taught him what he knows. Said friend also started him off by rappelling down a 60 foot cliff.

It's funny that people don't believe you when you say that you are not crazy about heights. You get so focused during climbing that you concentrate on the task at hand. Eventually, the sensitivity to heights falls by the wayside.

I'm still pondering how the universe gave me what I wanted. I got to rock climb without relying solely on the auto-belay and I enjoyed watching such a skilled climber; Joe was hugging the wall and doing heel hooks while tackling 5.10s and such. One day...

Route Tally:

Sponge Bob, 5.7 (Climbed and Down Climbed 3x's)
Bright Idea, 5.8
Face Plant, 5.8
Rainbow Bright, 5.8

Have you ever been surprised by getting something that you thought you could not have or achieve?

The Climber's Situation

Me: (((Yawn)))

Patti: Am I keeping you up?

Me: I'm up.

Patti: No, you need to keep me up.

Yes, dear. I know my job description:

Belayer responsibilities

As the climber moves on the climb, the belayer must remove the slack from the rope by paying out or pulling in excess rope. If the climber falls, then they will free-fall the distance of the slack or unprotected rope before friction applied by the belayer will start to slow their descent. It is extremely important for the belayer to concentrate on the climber's situation, as their role is crucial for the climber's safety... from Wikipedia

The first route (turquoise one) almost wore me out today. It's bad when you tussle with the first route because you feel all tuckered out but I was able to make it up several more routes including three 5.8's; the 5.8's are never done prettily but I'll take it:

Bright Idea, 5.8 (complete with holds that had faux red light bulbs)
Face Plant, 5.8
Sol, 5.7
Truxton or Bust, 5.6

I wonder what goes through the route setter's head when he or she is naming the route.

I know what should be going through my head: climb with your legs and, as REI Anna points out (1:32), position your arms so that you are putting the weight on your skeleton and not your arms.



I was doing way too much gripping today. My hands were so tender by the time I warmed down on Truxton or Bust that it was almost a bust.

Callus Watch:

My Hamstrings Say No

Cut my fingernails, grabbed my new rock climbing kicks and headed to the gym.

Although not an excellent outing, today was a pretty good day for rock climbing.

Afterwards, I headed to the fitness club to hit the treadmill because while rock climbing torches a lot of calories, you don't spend a whole lot of time on the routes. Although, I do wonder how many calories are burned during belaying.

I also did some stretching because my hamstrings were tight after doing a 10 Minute Solution total body toning yesterday.

RC and swimming always leave me wanting more.

I feel like Aaron in that Seinfeld episode, The Raincoats.

AARON: I could've done more. I could've done so much more.

I feel as if I could head back to Upper Limits right now but


my hamstrings say no.

I Tried

I developed pre-rocking climbing jitters. I even had a sty before I headed out -- something that I rarely get. You would think that my stage fright would have subsided by now but it hasn't -- not completely anyway.

I couldn't repeat the feat of climbing the 5.8 Face Plant route that I climbed last week. I tried and I tried but I couldn't make it to the top. Take after take left me drained and every other route after that was onerous.

While I was belaying, this woman helping with the introductory rock class pointed out my technique to one of the youngsters. Who would have thunk it? At one point in time, I thought that I would never get belaying down. I used to keep a death grip on the rope but I'm so relaxed now. Relaxing was key to learning how to float and it seems like relaxation works in a number of venues. Of course...

There are not a whole lot of videos out there with tips on how to rock climb but here's a decent one and although it leans toward bouldering, there are still some useful tips and random facts for beginners.



I'm going to start doing some exercises specifically to help me with rock climbing. This Wikihow article, How to Improve at Indoor Rock Climbing, has some good suggestions which I plan on implementing soon, especially the push-ups which I've gotten away from doing.

Arms: Improve your grip by doing exercises that will strengthen the arms and wrist/forearm region. Use a squeeze ball regularly to strengthen the wrist and hand region; lift small weights frontwards and sideways to improve overall arm strength. Try static hangs on a bar to increase your capacity to do static hangs while climbing. Better to discover on the low bar than a high wall that you can't do this!

Upper body: Pull-ups are brilliant for increasing upper body strength. Even a mere 10 a day done regularly will make an enormous difference to your strength capacity.

Keep your bum into the wall as you climb, doing so will assist your body in going up. Because your bum, or the gluteus maximus are the largest muscles in your body. Which means they weigh a lot and will pull your body downward as you climb.

Maintain three points of contact as you climb. This means that you can have one limb off the wall, so you can rest it. (i.e. Two hands one foot or two feet one hand.)

Driven, I'm Driven

I went rock climbing today and I faltered and faltered.

I made it to the top one time and, on every other route, I made it about halfway.

I was even having issues tying a figure eight knot.

All the holds seemed sadistic. I know that I'm capable of doing a 5.6 and a 5.7 and other people were successfully climbing but I just could not get a grip. Off day, I guess. I know that I'm relying on my arms, too, when I should be relying on my legs.

I did feel more comfortable belaying. I haven't been climbing twice in one week before. Even though I like rock climbing, I just haven't been consistently because I don't really have a belay partner. Plus, I'm just all over the place exercise-wise and don't really need yet another membership.

As we all came to the conclusion that there had been enough rock climbing, Patti asked me what I was going to do -- seeing that it's a nice day and all. I said that I was going swimming. In the softest and sweetest voice she said, I think you're crazy but okay.

People, that's enough with the crazy label. Driven. I'm driven.

See, since I didn't make it up many routes, I felt like I didn't have a good workout. I went home and ate and then rounded up my swimming gear.

When I got to the pool, there were quite a few informal flyers. The pool was closed for repairs until further notice. Maybe that was the universe's way of slowing me down today. Of course, I could have gone somewhere else to swim but I really didn't have the energy to go any further...

Here's a cute video about a group of folks getting certified to belay.

Ciao Spider Woman

Farewell to Jessica.

Although we did not work in the same department, we worked at the same facility. And what, in the words of Prince, a strange relationship we tend to have with people that we work/live with for huge chunks of time. Okay, not Prince-strange but strange; if you're lucky, an enjoyable camaraderie is sometimes forged.

Jessica was my rock climbing liaison. That's her getting ready to belay for me yesterday as I pondered how to best approach the wall.

Jessica also kept me in check. I was preparing to belay for her and taking up slack in the rope but I took my hand off the brake line. When she admonished me for the brake line snafu, I told her that I wasn't officially belaying but she said something about best practices etc. etc. She also reminded me, ever so gently, about the feed line for the climber on the ATC guide, safety checks and accurate commands, including the lower me one. There's nothing like being stuck 30 feet up because you forgot to say lower me and please doesn't really move your belayer.

In addition to rock climbing, I also went swimming with Jessica and was in danger of turning into a spectator because she is such an excellent swimmer and I enjoyed watching her rock the butterfly and front crawl. I thought that I had been swimming up until that point but felt like I was just playing in the water once I saw Jessica.

Last year at this time, I signed up for my first swimming class. So, I'm going to cut myself some slack and give myself credit for showing up for those swimming classes. I'll go ahead and throw out extra credit for my attendance at class one.

In addition to being a good workout, swimming has been a phenomenal way for me to attend to other parts of my well-being.

A few months ago, I had a dream that I had fallen into some water with a folder containing, I assume, work-related documents. As I was in the water, I realized that I could swim and that I was going to be all right.

In addition to rock climbing and swimming, I also bowled with Jessica and played dominoes.

I'm going to miss several things about her but I'm definitely going to miss the sportsmanship.

Third Rock Climbing Class

I was intensely looking for some videos about belaying but the ones that I saw on YouTube weren't providing any enlightenment. I finally found this one which is pretty good:



Visualizing belaying must have worked because I did a little better tonight. My instructor was tempting me big time. I was, again, attempting a more difficult route and he started telling me about some 350 pound dude who took on indoor rock climbing. Was this anecdote supposed to be some kind of inspirational parable for moi? Had it been yesterday, when I was experiencing the furies, I would have tied a figure eight around his neck. "J" also mentioned something about custom made harnesses but I decided not to take that one personally since it was in the context of the conversation that we were having.

I also tried bouldering (climbing without a rope) at "J's" suggestion and that was so unwise. I fell from a spot that was a little high and jarred my ankle. When I felt that sensation go through my ankle, I saw my entire regimen flash before my eyes. If I had been put out of commission because of bouldering, I would have been furious at myself. Right now, I'm trying to remember how I fell because my right shoulder and right upper thigh don't feel so hot but that could be because of the climbing.

I have to thank Jessica for going over the finer points of tying a figure eight knot with me and for giving me the tip to practice by threading the rope through a loophole on my pants.



Jessica could teach Introduction to Rock Climbing in her sleep. She's quite the Spiderwoman and, I bet, her spidey sense is tingling right now.

I went by the Clayton Schnucks after class and I have to say that the Schnucks in Clayton is much nicer (mega-understatement) than any Schnucks that I've seen in the city -- especially skanky Schnucks on Grand and Gravois. Really, the deli and fruit section is bigger than some entire stores.

Introduction to Rock Climbing, Part Deux

Ouch. Especially in the area of the biceps, triceps and gluteus.

I continue to have belaying issues.

In addition to climbing and practicing the belay technique, I also worked on tying a double figure eight knot.

I went swimming for half an hour prior to rock climbing class. The tandem of swimming and rock climbing is probably not the best idea since both require arm and leg movements. I tried a more difficult climbing route and was unable to make it all the way to the top. Could it be that fatigue was setting in?

When I went back to the easiest route, I ended up being separated from the wall but I was able to get a grip again and continue to climb on.

The first time that I went climbing and was trying to figure out how to work my way up the puzzle of a wall, I absolutely could not hold on anymore. It was, for a brief moment, a terrifying experience since I had forgotten that I had a harness on and was attached to a rope with a double figure eight knot and a safety knot to boot.