Inclining the Heart

Lately, on the weekend, hunger is the thing that drives me out of bed.

Made pancakes and also this dalgano coffee that has been popping up in folks' Instagram feeds. It might have been the really expired instant coffee or maybe my tablespoons were on the heaping side but I didn't really care for coffee concoction.

Felt lethargic so I returned to bed and listened to a guide meditation by Anushka Fernandupolle who's doing the meditations and dharma talks on Saturdays during the pandemic. I actually missed the live meditation but, luckily, Instagram keeps them up for 24 hours.

Fernandupolle's talk was on equanimity. There were many parts that I found useful, including something that she said you can tell yourself during fearful situations:

May I meet this moment with ease and balance; it might not work but you are inclining the heart in that direction. 

Also:

Joy is beneficial for people who are struggling...connecting with joy is positive...is balance.

I totally fell asleep during the meditation but managed to stay alert for most of the dharma talk...

Went to a local park which has beautiful displays of tulips. The county parks have closed but the city mayor is trusting people to keep their distance.

The park with the tulips has actually stopped car traffic from entering to help with physical distancing... Actually, there weren't a lot of people in the park. Might have been the time that I went or it might have been the fact that it felt fall-ish...

On the energy side, feeling more like myself this afternoon.

Life Is Happening

Sent one of my friends a link to a meditation session on Zoom. Shortly thereafter, clicked on the meeting and I was the only one at the meeting when it finally dawned on me that it was Wednesday and not Tuesday.

Tried to participate in a restorative yoga class on Thursday and the host kicked me out. Okay, who knows what she thought but it made me think that I should stick to local teachers.

Went for a walk the other day and saw a jogger with a mask plus two walkers with masks. Walking about while people are practicing physical distancing doesn't bother me but I will don a mask for trips to the grocery store from here on out.

Participated in a Instagram Live meditation with Anushka Fernandopulle this morning and, after the mediation, she talked about how people might be angry at a non-human entity while others might be glad that life has slowed down...

Saw someone post the other day that your life is happening -- it doesn't matter that we're sheltering in place and, as such, I decided to cut the grass.

As I headed to the backyard, thought about what my uncle said about putting fresh gasoline in with the old so I headed to the gas station. Got back and forgot that the thingy that secures the bolt on one arm of the lawnmower was missing. Thankfully, my refurbished lawnmower started up and I was able to take care of my hybrid lawn even with having to pause, occasionally, to put the bolt back in...

These tweets resonated with me:

And this poem that my colleague shared certainly moved me:

By Cyrus Cassells

Still craving a robust

Tenderness and justice,

I will go on living

With all I have seen:

Young men lusterless;

Against my blind cheek—

Blessed be the frangible

And dying,

The irreplaceable dead—

In my crestfallen arms:

With breath,

Then without it,

With flesh,

Then freed of it—

And the indurate man I heard

Condemn the stricken,

While my cousin was dying,

If he had walked these wards,

Armorless, open

To the imperiled,

Surely he would have gleaned

To sit in judgment

Is to sit in hell—

Lesions, elegies,

Disconnected phones—

Rain, nimble rain,

Be anodyne,

Anoint me when I say outright:

In the plague time, my heart

Was tested,

My living soul

Struck like a tower bell,

Once, twice,

four times in a single season.

Same Boat

Someone tagged me the other day to let me know that a Zumba teacher would do a Zoom class. It was cool to see people's faces that I haven't laid eyes on in a while. It was also weird to see people jumping around in individual boxes. Couldn't figure out how to "pin the host" but I'm assuming that I will get more familiar with Zoom.

It felt really weird at first but then I just relaxed and it was nice to get in a workout that wasn't walking.

One day I found myself thinking, I'm tired of walking but I quickly turned that thought around to I'm grateful that I have the ability to walk.

Left Zoom Zumba to attend an Instagram Live yoga class with Seane Corn. Sunday was so nice that it felt like a crime not to emerge from the basement to get outside and soak up the sun...

When I went to the grocery story about three weeks ago, this woman wished me "good luck" because everything had been picked over. It instantly made me think about preppers and a reality TV show that I'd watched on Netflix. Only watched one episode because I found it bothersome...

Thought about the workshop, Yoga As A Peace Practice, when one of the presenters said that you need to know how to grow your own food. This pandemic has been a lesson in many things, including not endlessly keeping food in the freezer.

Anyway, life is weird and scary right now, but I definitely know that many of us are in the same boat so I try not to panic. I continue with my pre-bed ritual of listening to 10 Percent Happier Live with meditation teachers. I get into a restorative posture and listen and breathe and it helps lighten the load that feels like it's weighing down my chest and heart.

One of my coworkers has been sending little notes of encouragement and, sometimes, poems.

I love this one that she shared:

Alive Together

Speaking of marvels, I am alive
together with you, when I might have been
alive with anyone under the sun,
when I might have been Abelard’s woman
or the whore of a Renaissance pope
or a peasant wife with not enough food
and not enough love, with my children
dead of the plague. I might have slept
in an alcove next to the man
with the golden nose, who poked it
into the business of stars,
or sewn a starry flag
for a general with wooden teeth.
I might have been the exemplary Pocahontas
or a woman without a name
weeping in Master’s bed
for my husband, exchanged for a mule,
my daughter, lost in a drunken bet.
I might have been stretched on a totem pole
to appease a vindictive god
or left, a useless girl-child,
to die on a cliff. I like to think
I might have been Mary Shelley
in love with a wrongheaded angel,
or Mary’s friend, I might have been you.
This poem is endless, the odds against us are endless,
our chances of being alive together
statistically nonexistent;
still we have made it, alive in a time
when rationalists in square hats
and hatless Jehovah’s Witnesses
agree it is almost over,
alive with our lively children
who–but for endless ifs–
might have missed out on being alive
together with marvels and follies
and longings and lies and wishes
and error and humor and mercy
and journeys and voices and faces
and colors and summers and mornings
and knowledge and tears and chance.

 “Alive Together” by Lisel Mueller from Alive Together. © Louisiana State University Oress.

14 Days Ago

Last weekend marked my one-year anniversary of graduating from yoga teacher training. I have no regrets...

What to say?  A lot has changed in the 14 days since I last posted. As with most cities, just about everything is on shut down.

Up until last Wednesday, I had not heard of Zoom and now that's all I hear about. Many yoga teachers have headed online as they try to salvage their businesses.

I had planned to take a couple of PTO days before everything got super scary and, as usual, my days off are usually dedicated to getting some task taken care of. My car needed rear brakes and I kept losing air in a tire etc. The chimney also needed work. Kept thinking that maybe I should have postponed the chimney repair but it's done now.

In addition to daily yoga, I've been ending my evenings by getting into a restorative posture while listening to a guided mediation provided by the folks at 10% Happier.

I'm also trying to take the hand-washing as a moment to breathe a little deeper.

I read somewhere that the world as we know it has changed. Ain't that the truth?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Brené Brown (@brenebrown) on Mar 21, 2020 at 7:22pm PDT

Moments Of...

Signed up for a book discussion of Skill in Action this past Friday but when Friday arrived, I  questioned my sanity for signing up for a 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. event at the end of the week.

Would have felt guilty for not going and, therefore, not giving that space to someone else who might have wanted it so gathered my belongings and headed to the yoga studio hosting the event.

On the one hand, I regretted not signing up for the entire weekend. On the other hand, I know how fatigued the work week leaves me...

Listened to Lesson 19 from the Sharon Salzberg's Meditation Challenge. I've been so angry lately which made me pay closer attention as I listened while washing dishes.

Anger for example is not simply anger. It's moments of fear, moments of sadness, moments of frustrations, moments of helplessness.

These are concepts that I've heard before but, of course, when you're caught up in something it's difficult to think rationally...

Was not feeling very motivated on Saturday but pulled myself together because the weather was so nice. Went to the Orchid Show at the botanical guard then just walked around the garden for an hour and felt more like myself.

Also walked on Sunday plus tried to get on top of the weed situation in the backyard before things start flowering and that was very satisfying as well...

The One-On-One

Gave in to the urge to return to the Sunday meditation class which, at 6:00 p.m., is not ideal for my Sunday travels but I do enjoy the class and I'm thinking about making adjustments to my schedule.

Thought going to meditation would also help with my nerves as I had my one-on-one with my yoga trainer, Stacy, on Monday night and the meditation did help. After the first guided meditation, we ventured into a full body tapping session...

One of my classmates messaged me hours before my one-on-one to encourage me which I thought was super sweet. She also told me that the one-on-one would be unlike the sessions during training when we got feedback; it would be more chill.

Had scheduled my one-on-one about a month ago and it's amazing how fast the time went by. I had done research, wrote my sequence and tested out poses but when it's go time, the sequence that you have in front of you feels so lackluster.

And, again, I think a huge key is to remember to allow people time to unwind and release without trying to rush... I did a restorative sequence with Stacy and it went well. I get a kick out of finding postures that are not often used in class and introducing them which I did during her session.

It was a relief to have the one-on-one in the books. I took a short breather and started thinking about my next sequence for my Wednesday Seva class...

For some reason, though, I was angry yesterday which was weird because I should have felt a longer sense of relief... Took an hour-long bath, read and slept solidly and my mood was better this morning.

Listened to Lesson 27 of Sharon Salzberg's Meditation Challenge twice since it discussed anger among other topics.

The Seva class went reasonably well today -- even though I still get nervous beforehand. Went to Zumba tonight and the teacher forgot parts of her routine and she joked "Don't pay attention to me; I'm just the instructor" -- which was my signal that everyone stutters.

The Meditator

A new bed frame was in order since a wheel casing broke making it necessary to prop up a corner of my bed. Thought about replacing the one component but the 'Fugee suggested that, since the frame was ancient, I should go ahead and replace the whole thing. After picking up a new frame, we headed to Marshalls and JC Penney since I wanted to get a backpack with wheels for my yoga books and paraphernalia.

The 'Fugee came over on Saturday and we moved my dilapidated bookshelf, first, then we dealt with the box spring and the mattress and the gigantic dust bunnies that had been living under my bed. As I told the 'Fugee, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but I did sneeze like crazy -- even with a mask on; plus, I ended up with a wicked case of congestion.

It took us about four hours to put the frame together, move the new bookshelf into my room and sort through the, roughly, 20 pairs of shoes that were scattered underneath my bed. The 'Fugee picked up my ladder bookshelf from Aldi after I had expressed interest in having one. We put that together about two weeks ago and it remained in the living room until the frame was delivered...

The 'Fugee attending to fine details. 

The 'Fugee's idea to display my stationery boxes.

While in Marshalls, I spotted the same yoga block that I had gotten in Target for half the price. I was so annoyed but had to tell myself that you can't make the right decision 100% of the time. Had I gone looking for the block at Marshalls, it probably would not have been there...

To fulfill one of my yoga teacher training requirements, I went to a mediation class at another yoga studio last night. Before we started, Josh asked us what had brought us to class and I confessed that I was going through yoga teacher training (I would need paperwork signed) and I was tired of asanas and wanted to fulfill my observation by taking his class.

After class we got into a circle and talked a bit about the experience. I totally enjoyed the class. Josh did a guided meditation through the five senses and I liked how he said Meditation can be something that you look forward to. Next week, he'll use a different technique and I'm looking forward to attending. The meditation class is 60 minutes but it only felt like about 20. I was able to go to that space between sleep and full alertness.

As we gathered our items, a fellow meditator wished me well with yoga teacher training. I wasn't expecting that and thought she was sweet to wish me well.

The Release

Before I headed to a restorative yoga class at work last Wednesday, I explained something to a super frustrated colleague. When I realized her level of despair, I mentioned the yoga class but she told me that it was at work with work people and she wouldn't be able to relax. I get that.

On Friday, we had our holiday party and I won a $100 dollar gift card to a Thai restaurant. There was also a cake walk and when I went to the stage, one of my colleagues said Haven't you won enough already?, LOL. I only went to the stage because they needed more participants. I need a whole cake like I need another hole in my head.

Went to the 'Fugee's on Friday and she made me a smoothie -- the same color as my juice that I've been getting. Not sure why but I started laughing which escalated into shrieks and I couldn't stop for quite a while. Seriously, I lost control -- guess I needed the release. 

At any rate, the concoction was very tasty. Thank you, 'Fugee...

Had weird dreams last night, including one that was set in a jail but I'm about 99% sure that came from watching Empire. 

I'm doing a meditation "challenge" right now. I'm on day two which really resonated with me. I've added it to my  iPod and will definitely listen to it again.

I am on a mission to get you to meditate. So, here’s a challenge: 7 days for 5 minutes each day. You can do this, and it could just shift your life in a sweet and powerful way. There is no shortage of evidence on the efficacy of meditation physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Does this sound familiar? “I really should meditate, but I don’t know how to.” “I really should meditate, but my mind is all over the place.” “I really should meditate, but I don’t have time.” “I really should meditate, but I can’t sit still.” “I really should meditate, but I need some guidance.” The excuses go on and on. The truth is that you CAN meditate - and this is the community to offer support and accountability. I am even willing to bribe you with some swag if you finish the challenge and bring friends with you. I’ve created a free (and downloadable!) 5 min. guided meditation for each of the next seven days - Day One is already up on my website. Just complete the 3 steps below to have a chance to win some giveaways (shown in photos above - swipe left!), or complete the challenge simply for your own benefit. Just meditate!!! More info below. 😊 TO PARTICIPATE: 1) Follow me, if you’re not already! Then TAG A FRIEND on this post. 2) Head over to my website at www.colleensaidmanyee.com/meditate (link in my Bio as well). Listen to the new five minute meditation available on each of the seven days. Feel free to download for future use! 3) Check-in on my website each day - takes only a few seconds (check-in is directly below meditations on the web page). Steps 1-3 must be completed all seven days to enter. (I’ll be checking! 😉) Share/repost my photo for 2 additional entries. Hashtag #whywaitchallenge. Must be following @colleensaidman. Must tag friend in comments. There will be multiple swag bags sent out! Includes: Yoga Shanti water bottle and tank (sizes S/M/L), yoga DVD, Yoga For Life book, and one Young Living Essential oil. Winners selected at random and contacted through DM or email on December 18th. MUST BE IN CONTINENTAL USA. All others are still welcome (and encouraged) to participate! ✨🙏🏽 #whywaitchallenge #challenge #giveaway #yoga #meditation

A post shared by 💜 Colleen Saidman Yee (@colleensaidman) on Dec 8, 2017 at 5:40am PST

Out in the Open

Someone sent me an email at work and I only read the first part of their sentence. The person ended up calling me because they needed a quick response. I love to read so I don't know why I'm quickly scanning stuff. I will concede that there is work-related stuff that I, obviously, don't want to read but... At any rate, I ended up having a conversation with the person about meditation and she said that we all need uncluttering for our minds. I like that concept and want to put meditation back on my agenda. She also sent me the "mantra" that she keeps above her desk.

Last week was a busy one. Went to Zumba -- twice, climbing and swimming (twice). Had dinner with Gloria on Thursday then we went to see Garden of Glass at the Botanical Garden. On Friday, went over to the 'Fugee's and, on Saturday, mowed the lawn and went to say my goodbyes to the city pool even though it was only 82 degrees. At the pool, talked for 30 minutes to a yogi whose path I seldom cross at the studio. At some point, also went to JC Penney because I'd gotten a spend $10 dollars, get $10 dollars off coupon and I've been looking for another short sleeve shirt to wear to work. Mission accomplished.

New Shirt

While running errands, debated about whether to go to this silent yoga event. Wasn't sure when an event of this kind would happen again so I went.

I am having time management issues. My problem? There are a lot of things that I like to do but, obviously, something suffers. I wanted to go to the city pool again on Sunday for the final day but ended up running out of time. While I got around to cooking, never did get around to washing clothes or the other chores that needed to be done.

Really enjoyed the silent, sunset yoga that took place at the gorgeous Grand Basin in Forest Park but, like a fugitive, I was very aware of how out in the open I was and even more so because the people who sponsored the yoga event are really into photography. One of them was taking very up close and personal pictures. At one point, I doubled the blanket that I had for my knees and thought she would move on as I adjusted it but, no, she stayed right where she was and got her picture. My God, I thought, she is going to capture all the flaws. I can take a gazillion selfies and post the one that I think is most flattering but I cannot control what other people post.

A Woman Chilling Out Before Yoga

Still in fugitive mode, I looked for pictures from the event and held my breath as I spotted my likeness in people's social media pictures. Also wondered how intrusive I was capturing the photo above of the woman resting before yoga.

While at the Botanical Garden, Gloria kept asking which installation was my favorite. She also asked me if I could do anything, work-wise, what it would be. As we walked about, I couldn't pinpoint a favorite glass sculpture until we'd left the Climatron and headed to the exit. I'm glad that I didn't read the map or descriptions of the artwork because I got to be blown away by Make A Wish when I figured out what was happening. It was such a moment of delight and maybe I'll get to have a similar moment when I figure out what work really rocks my boat.

Love this Chihuly in the foyer at the MO Botanical Garden.

Gloria and moi at the exhibit...

Make A Wish

This Words of Women Instagram post resonated with  me today.

Solange

A post shared by Words Of Women (@words_of_women) on Aug 14, 2017 at 7:27am PDT

Twenty Five Days

I've been writing this post for about five days now -- starting, stopping, starting...

The congestion monster had all but faded then I decided to go swimming last Tuesday after a 25-day hiatus and... could hardly sleep because of chemical congestion. It was a TKO.

Ugh, I will probably need to look for a nose clip or give up swimming for a while until the outdoor pools open. It's a bummer since I like having a water activity but I am trying to look at it as an opportunity to do other things. Case in point, I'm going climbing tomorrow with an out-of-towner which will open the door for me to do Zumba on Wednesday with a teacher that I really like...

Spent a lot of time trying to figure out this song that I liked during another Zumba class. I referred to it as the "The Ponytail Song." Between a colleague and hearing a few lyrics on Saturday, I was able to figure out that it's a Britney Spears song, Slumber Party. I now find myself listening to songs that I would normally thumb my nose at.

Went to another Zumba class tonight. Grace doesn't have a regular class but when she subs the classes are packed and the atmosphere is electric. After class, you find yourself high-fiving people and sending them on their way with good wishes.

After tonight's class, I headed to the grocery store next door and overheard a Zumba classmate tell this youngin', who had also been in class, Don't text and walk; people have gotten killed like that. I thought that was so cool. No "please" -- just don't do it...

A colleague forwarded me an email from one of her friends with suggested podcasts for #TryPod week. Most of the podcasts are on my radar except for Kind World. I listened to episode #36, When The Sun Came Out, on the way to Zumba on Saturday and got totally teary.

When I walked on Sunday, listened to the rest of a That's So Retrograde episode and learned about CBD suppositories and "Beaver Butt Juice." Regarding the latter, who thinks of stuff like that?

I saw someone post her meditation stats on Instagram and learned that it was from the Calm app. You can do the seven-day challenge for free but for the rest of the meditations, there's a subscription fee. Wish that I had known that before I downloaded it since my iPod is starting to look like Deray's phone minus all of the notifications.

homescreen, 3.17.17. pic.twitter.com/5bU6ZAgb6K

— deray mckesson (@deray) March 17, 2017

Love the Calm screen that greets you upon opening the app...

Speaking of meditative practices, I cooked the Vegetarian Pad Thai from one of the Thug Kitchen cookbooks. Loved it but there was a lot of chopping involved. I would definitely make it again. Just wished that there was more time to do stuff.

Final Product

The 32 Minutes

During Sunday's yoga class, we were congratulated for the 32 minutes of meditation that we have under our collective belts.

What I remember about Sunday's meditation was the advice to treat your wayward thoughts like salespeople who come to the door: Look them directly in the eye and say, "I'm not interested."

Everything and every move about Sunday yoga was on point and I hope that Gloria will continue with the meditation before practice.

I have been reflecting on how I had been going, going, going to the yoga studio and now I am doing gym yoga again. I have moved away from extremism but going to one place at the exclusion of another felt and feels extreme but I guess that there was something that I was getting from the studio and, because it was reasonably priced at the time, it felt good to go for a number of reasons, including that I didn't have to carry a single prop with me.

The gym  yogis are serious but it can be a bit annoying to have people walk into class, say, 10 minutes after it starts...and that's something for me to work on too -- being less annoyed.

On another note, I recently read Song Yet Song. Sometimes, I stay away from historical pieces because I find it hard to stomach them but James McBrides' book is stellar.

I am currently reading On Living which is really good but it's a short read and I'll need another book soon. I had no idea until a few days ago that Goodreads had swallowed up Shelfari. I wanted to recommend a few genre-specific books to someone but it was hard to do with my Shelfari bookshelf gone...

Talked to someone today who said that they'd been battling some bug for a month and then it had returned which is not an uncommon story in The Lou right now.

Not sure what I have but I'm glad that I feel better...

What Works

Went to Zumba for the fourth time this week.

I don't normally go on Monday but Grace was subbing and since I'm not going to 7:30 p.m. yoga on Monday for the time being, that time slot worked.

Grace also subbed on Tuesday and since I haven't been swimming since the great mucus invasion, it was back to Zumba again on Tuesday. I also went Wednesday and today.

On Thursday I went over to Gloria's for a vegan dinner again. Maybe I should start calling these sessions Thursdays With Gloria...

Last time I contributed by making the Chickpea Artichoke Salad but since Gloria had to go to a meeting, she prepared the Quinoa Taco Mix which was very yummy by itself but even more so with red onions, lettuce and salsa on top. For dessert we had Aquafaba Strawberry Ice Cream. I had never heard of aquafaba...

Quinoa Taco Mix 

Aqua what?

Had another wild Friday night. Jessica, a former climbing partner, had a baby shower and, apparently, books are the new greeting cards so I went in search of a Mo Willems book but went with the Spanish version of  Good Night Moon (Buenas Noches Luna) since Jessica speaks Spanish. I also made a impulse purchase by the cash register. When I saw the Keep Calm... easel, I knew that I wanted it for my desk at work.

Speaking of calm, I saw a meditation for kids linked on Twitter and really enjoyed it.

Super Calming

Went to Gloria's yoga class on Sunday. I am totally digging the eight-minute meditations we are doing before class. If there's a "downside," it's that the meditation exercise makes me super calm and long for savasana right away.

Practice was sweet too and I particularly liked how Gloria took us slowly through warrior I & II, reverse warrior and triangle poses...

In congestion news I mixed peppermint, eucalyptus and lavender oils together with olive oil and rubbed it on my chest prior to bedtime and slept better last night than I've slept in a long time. Also bought raw honey hoping that it will help with allergies...

Walked as exercise for Sunday and listened to part of a Yoga Revealed podcast and the Julia episode of Heavyweight which I found intriguing...

Went to Zumba tonight and this teacher likes to throw all kinds of elements into the mix. Toward the end of class she offered us a choice between two songs. Who wants to do the plank song? One person answered and her friend ratted her out. She was like Shawna said "yes" and she is the only one who wants to do planks.

Noticing

Speculated that I had chemical congestion the last time that I blogged. Still congested but it's not a cold. One of my uncles is taking Benadryl. My brother took some while visiting and my mother was also experiencing congestion. I took Benadryl one night. Slept like a rock but it wasn't the solution...

Even though it didn't snow a lot today, there was the energy of the snow in the air so I had to convince myself to go to Zumba. Had so much fun when I got there.

I only know about popular songs because of Zumba. My coworker who sometimes goes to Zumba had to let me know that Rihanna is the one who sings Rockstar. I also like Fabulous by the Empire cast. Again, clueless about the origins of the song until I looked it up. Looking forward to watching Empire one of these days...

Haven't been going to the studio for yoga so I ordered a DVD from the library but was disappointed because even the gentle part of the DVD was not accessible for me so I did Tara Stiles' eight minute gentle routine and also tried the one minute meditation later on. There's also a short class on Do Yoga With Me that I like and, today, I did a 23-minute practice, Yoga with Adriene, that I also liked. 

I keep seeing things about meditation but maybe it's the same phenomena as buying a car which makes you notice all of the other same models on the road.

I got a few emails after last week's meditation.  People weren't exactly happy.  Which can be confusing.  But isn't wrong.  The goal of meditation isn't 'happy'. It is a way to clear the ground, make happy possible.  But it tends to subvert our ideas about happy, and lay the field open for something that emerges from the body, rather than the mind.  Along the way we often notice things, learn things, about ourselves.  Again, maybe not 'happy'. If your practices are agitating or frustrating, talk with your mentor.  Likewise, if all you get is zoning out, if happy is a thing you only know post practice or while sitting, talk to your mentor.  Your practice isn't agitating enough. Talk to your mentor.  They'll know what to do. #deeperpractice #meditation #guidedmeditation

A post shared by Karin L Burke (@coalfury) on Mar 10, 2017 at 12:15pm PST

“I’m bipolar. I’ve been in a psych ward more times than I would like to admit. I’m also in recovery. It’s been a few years since I’ve had a problem with either one. I’m not taking any medication because I didn’t like the way it made me feel. But since I am not on medication, I am high risk. In order to feel comfortable, being on no medication, I have to do certain other things: meditation, sleeping right, eating right, talking to people, doing leisure activities, and really just checking in with myself. I try to write every day, read every day. So, it’s a lot of different habits that guide my life. Sleeping, in particular, is a big part of my life. Some people think, ‘Oh, I can just stay up for a few days.’ Not me. I have to get a certain number of hours of sleep every day. And I can’t get over a certain number of hours of sleep every day.  It simply got to a point where either I was going to let my illness rule me or do whatever I had to do so it doesn’t. I’m very ambitious. I act and dance and I want to start a non-profit. To do that I have to take care of myself.” "Which of these things do you think is most important?” "Meditation. It brings me to all those other things. I might be running all day. I take time to meditate and I realize that my stomach is rumbling. ‘Hmm, I’m kind of tired. Maybe I need to take a nap.’ ‘Or ‘I have all these thoughts running through my head. After this, I should write.’ I focus on posture. Just mindfulness. I can’t imagine life without meditation.” "What kind of non-profit do you want to start?” "Mental health services for the homeless. Especially here, at Central Square, if someone is off their medication or is having an episode, the first called are the police, and the second is the EMT, neither of which has extensive mental health training. My big audacious goal is to create a program where you have some sort of a mental health professional, or even a mentor, either be there when the police come, or be at the hospital to calm them down. You can check the stats: the criminal justice system is the number one provider of mental health services in the US. It's sad in so many ways and it doesn't have to be like that."

A post shared by Ivan Velinov (@portraits_of_america) on Mar 9, 2017 at 7:43am PST

When Parched

I miss Salzberg's Meditation Challenge and had I known that lessons would remain active for a month or so, I would have not deleted most of them.

We take an intentional posture... Lesson #21

For the peeps (meaning Gingerzingi) who are missing the meditation challenge, here's a lovely one...

Went climbing on Wednesday and Patti told me that she needed to do more stretching and was looking to take up yoga again but wondered if her husband would join her. Patti did say that her daughter told her: He climbs because of you. He swims because of you and he bikes because of you. He'll do yoga too. Her daughter's words made my heart melt.

On Thursday I went to Gloria's again and we roasted fennel, beets and carrots according to a recipe in Thug Kitchen 101. I excused myself to go to the bathroom at one point when I heard a noise so weird that I reversed my direction and called out to Gloria to see if everything was okay. The verdict?

The oven door had shattered into hundreds of little pieces. Gloria calmly sent me back in the direction that I had gone. When I returned, she said I'm glad that I do yoga then we cleaned up the mess. I've only heard of shower doors shattering like that. Prior to going upstairs, I had been sitting right by the stove.

I'm getting better at making decisions and not second-guessing a situation. For example, one of my Zumba teachers forgot his water bottle. At the end of a routine, he encouraged people to grab water then said but he wouldn't be able to because, wahhhh, he had left his water bottle.

At first I discussed "the situation" a bit with a friend and she belongs to the same tentative club that I do but then I thought about how much I enjoy this teacher's class and how nice he is and so what if class was almost over with; I went and got the water, a small act for a teacher who is not leading Zumba classes for the money... I also know how it is when you start a workout and your water is, say, in the car. It's no fun to push when parched.

Repost from @lilycushman108 - It's still unbelievable to me that over 20K people participated in the challenge this month. Such a beautiful community that I'm honored to be a part of. All made possible by the magnitude of @sharonsalzberg and her continuous dedication for so many years. ♥️ Huge thanks to "Team Sharon" for working so hard behind the scenes to make things run smoothly all month long. 🤓 Special thanks to our co-teachers @lodrorinzler @kimberlyjbrown @ethannichtern @sebeneselassie and our hosts all month @mndflmeditation @nalandabodhi @theinterdependenceproject @shambhalanyc @brooklynyogaschool @newyorkinsight 😇 #commit2sit #realhappiness

A post shared by Sharon Salzberg (@sharonsalzberg) on Feb 28, 2017 at 10:40pm PST

Goings-on

This time last week I had already received an urgent text from my cousin about my aunt who she'd found on the floor. My aunt refused to go to the hospital and even refused to let my cousin call anyone but me to help get her off the floor.

When I told another aunt of the incident, she said Of course it's hard to get off the floor...

After my cousin told me about my aunt, my heart chakra was so tight and I still am not sure what to do with myself.

My aunt is feeling well enough to tell my cousin and me to go somewhere and sit down but she is still not out of the woods... Are any of us out of the woods?

There were also two other family members having medical issues which made for a really "interesting" week...

I ended up using over the counter allergy drops for my eyes and, wait for it, I had an allergic reaction to the allergy drops. My eyes are still itchy but at least they don't feel like they are on fire...

I liked the part in Salzberg's meditation lesson (#17), yesterday, when she said imagine your worries are like birds in your hands that fly away...

Saturday Shenanigans

Put coconut oil on my very tender nose a couple of days ago and, I swear, the healing seemed accelerated.

I've almost gone through a family-sized bag of Ricola but I feel functional again -- except for the watery, itchy eyes -- never had that before. Alison told me that when it's fall-like, her eyes do the same thing.

Why would anyone waterboard someone when they could just put them in a room with allergens?

Went to get Wal-dryl and couldn't believe that watery, itchy eyes is on the front of the box; I've never seen that before...

Opened up the window in my bedroom, again. Wiped down everything that I remembered touching, again. Stripped my bed, again, and headed to the laundromat...

All In: Decorative Pillow, Thin Quilt, Sheets etc...

I wasn't sure what to expect with the meditation challenge but, so far, Counting Meditation (Day 4 Lesson)  has worked the best. The lessons are short but I was still surprised when this lesson ended. Counting is definitely a technique I'll use again...

I've been walking a lot lately and, therefore, listening to podcasts again. Tara Clancy's Lesbian Babymaking 101 is so funny. It's one of those stories that I could listen to repeatedly. I also have Clancy's book, The Clancys Of Queens, on my to-read list.

Favorite tweet of late:

We already have extreme vetting for refugees. What is dangerous is the White House is not allowing a thorough vetting for cabinet nominees.

— Cory Booker (@CoryBooker) February 3, 2017

Stunner

Went to Trader Joe's last night so I wouldn't have to go today. As I checked out, looked out the window and saw a stunner of a sunset.

Went to Zumba this morning and tried to decide what could get done before 5:00 p.m. yoga and decided to do yard work. My neighbor is very nice. He's a self-described farm boy -- showed me what poison ivy looks like and also offered to help me get weeds off the fence. I told him thanks but I was okay since it was like working in a big old Zen Garden.

Cleaned up and headed to New Moon Flow in Gemini, a special yoga class. Felt like I was going to be in trouble during just the first few minutes in class because I was finding everything hard.

As we arrived for class, Joy gave out bandanas. Alison left her bandana by the door and she joked that she thought it was a party favor but at some point in class, we put the bandanas on and did yoga. Interesting experience. It reminded me of when I stopped wearing contacts while swimming and it made me focus more on what I was doing. Wearing the bandana also made me feel a little isolated because, obviously, I couldn't see anyone else but I definitely was more focused.

While blindfolded I was able to do half moon pose on my right leg but couldn't even get myself to attempt it on the left side -- same for Alison. We also did a meditation before the bandanas came off. Joy said that she couldn't remember the Thich Nhat Hanh meditation completely but I thought her rendition of it was great.

I am a flower; I feel fresh
I am a mountain; I feel solid...

I tried to find the meditation and came upon this exercise. Oh my God, I love singing bowls.

View from Inside of Trader Joe's