Afterwards

Went to the back door to see if the hummingbird had returned and saw this Black Swallowtail butterfly.

Why am I "this" old and didn't know the name of this butterfly until I went looking for it or that hummingbirds feed all day?

Went back to the door again and was giddy to see the hummingbird. I'd left my camera by the door because, before, the hummingbird would disappear by the time I retrieved my camera. I took the first picture through the door -- just in case -- and then I relaxed and took more pictures. It was such a pleasure to see the hummingbird in action.

Seeing any hummingbird is inextricably tied to a memory that I have of sitting on my aunt Leatha's deck and being visited by a hummingbird there...

As I was leaving for lunch, saw a coworker that I hadn't seen since the pandemic started and she had a lot of things to say, including being annoyed with people not saying things in meetings. She said that most people reserve commentary for afterwards and she's not wrong. Capitalism inspires so much fear.

Released

About three Mondays ago, I was sitting at my desk wondering how in the world I would ever catch up or fix the issues that I have on some projects when one of my coworkers sent me a message: I had a nice thought about you -- something nice to hear when life doesn't feel right. 

And it's Monday again and I spent most of the morning feeling frozen. I've been able to check some to-do items off my list and I've had some of the weight released from my shoulders but, as the 'Fugee said, It's mission impossible since I'm alone in my department...

Saw a hummingbird visit my zinnias yesterday which motivated me to put the hummingbird feeder back out. It's the second time that I've seen the hummingbird around 2 p.m. on Sunday and I spotted her or him multiple times yesterday. 

It's been so nice to see my butterfly, bee and hummingbird visitors...

While walking the other day, I listened to NPR's Fresh Air episode with Joy Harjo and Tiya Miles and I can't stop think about either segment.  Harjo singing her poem Fear -- I release you...I release you...I release you...I release you...

And I felt released for a few minutes. 

And Mile's recounting the story of a cotton sack that was given to a 9-year-old soon to be sold. Upon hearing that her daughter would be sold, Rose put a few things in the sack and told her daughter, Ashley, "It be filled with my love always." 

All That She Carried, by Miles, is definitely on my reading list. 

And speaking of reading, I've been reading A Place for Us for a very long time. I started reading it in late June. At some point, The Vanishing Half became available at the library and I put aside A Place for Us and it was very hard to get back into it after reading The Vanishing Half. I wondered whether to give up on it and move on but something about the book has held my attention.