Something Wild

Recently had a split on my bottom lip. The last time that I had an issue with my lip was many years ago when I had a reaction to a certain seafood. The first hole in my ear was inflamed. I've had bumps on my cheekbone, biceps tendonitis (maybe) and tight rhomboids. Plus, I did too many hip openers during yoga and that left me barely able to walk.

Had so much going on that I pulled out The Body Keeps The Score which I read during yoga teacher training. All in all, I should be grateful for all of the times when my body is not keeping the score...

I often admire the tulips at a local park and at the botanical garden and decided to do something wild like ordering tulip bulbs. Thank goodness for YouTube. I was going to try to dig the designated area with a trowel but went with a shovel after watching a few how-to videos. 

It was so gratifying digging my little area and when I saw a few wriggling worms, it made me think of how my grandmother would dig for fishing worms. 

Speaking of my grandmother, my aunt shared a picture that one of my cousins forwarded to her of my grandmother and another cousin. In the picture, my cousin's face is so soft and it made me think of how much my grandmother loved him and also how much my grandmother loved me and how much I miss her. 

Wore a "Day of the Dead' mask to work and a co-worker who speaks mostly Spanish showed me a picture of an altar that she'd made for her husband. The altar was beautiful and I'm considering doing something similar next year. I'm not one for visiting a cemetery but this seems like an appropriate way to honor the dead. Thank you Gingerzingi for making this mask for me. 

Side Note

Read a yoga book by a local author and when I finished, I checked this podcast that I don't regularly listen to because the guy rants for, like, the first 10 minutes but I took a look anyway and he had just interviewed a person that the local author referred to in her book so it was very cool to listen to the interview even though I had to fast forward through the introduction.

Listened to a December episode of The Moth which was actually reruns of several episodes, including one of my faves The Phone Call by Auburn Sandstrom which I've listened to about three times just over the last couple of days.

I was also glad to find that the author of The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel van der Kolk, was a guest on On Being. We read his powerful book during yoga teacher training...

One of my yoga classmates posted that it was the start of a new semester at work and, therefore, the "Sunday scaries" were extra scary. I also think that after the holidays, Sunday scariness is worse and might have been the reason that I couldn't, initially, sleep. I stayed up until 12:30 a.m. watching Jack Ryan because I just didn't feel sleepy. Thought about how my aunt Alice would have really liked JR...

It's Tuesday now and the Sunday scaries have morphed into international scaries...

A side note to the 'Fugee: unbelievably, Bessel van der Kolk sounds like Istvan...

Parts of Me

I've been reading The Body Keeps The Score for, I dunno, two or three weeks. It's a very good book but page 282 brought the whoa factor. Guess there's a reason that this chapter is titled Putting the Pieces Together.

Coping takes its toll... (281) Yup, I believe that.

We all have parts. Right now a part of me feels like taking a nap; another part wants to keep writing... Most people who know me have seen my intense, sincere, and irritable parts; some  have met the little snarling dog that lives inside me. My children reminisce about going on vacations with my playful and adventurous parts. (282)

How well we get along with ourselves depends largely on our internal leadership skills -- how well we listen to our different parts, make sure they feel taken care of, and keep them from sabotaging one another. (282)

I love the concept of internal leadership skills and "the mind as a kind of society."

The critical insight is that all these parts have a function: to protect the self from feeling the full terror of annihilation. (284)

Seriously, my mind was blown to the point that I was like I should have been a therapist. The 'Fugee claims that she has told me this before -- that I should be a therapist...

******

Speaking of different parts, I bought a DNA kit -- largely because many people around me had done  the same thing.  Plus, after my aunt Al died, I got extremely curious about my paternal grandmother who I don't remember.

Had a gut feeling that I was part Senegalese and I was not wrong. However, according to the DNA results, the greater part of me is from Cameroon/Congo. What I wasn't expecting to feel is sadness but there you go; I'm feeling geographically scattered. I'm feeling the weight of the past -- especially with this current toxic environment...

******

Decided to observe a yoga class today since I needed two more observances before my August 10th deadline. Woke up at "prepare for work time" so I picked an 8:30 a.m. class and it turned out to be a really special experience even though I wasn't practicing. Kate talked about the blood moon and the eclipse. We didn't see the eclipse but that doesn't mean it wasn't there, she said.

Kate went on to talk about having faith and honoring yourself. Those are serious topics but most of her class is approached with humor and I like that a lot. Toward the end of savasana, she sung briefly and it was shocking, initially, but she has a great voice and she chose part of a folk song. The whole class was special and I'm glad that I got up to receive that gift.


*Of course I had concerns about putting my DNA sample out in the universe