The Gospel According to My Father

My father was a Marine who loved to talk about his Parris Island days. His brother told him that he needed to turn in his badge when he got his hat shot off after responding to a domestic violence situation as a police officer but the turning in of the badge did not happen.

When someone dies, I try hard to remember the things they said. It's funny because the sayings pop into my mind at the unlikeliest of times...

Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.

My father's typical joshin' around with his buddies.

That's not even a dog; I should shoot it.

About Thatch, my brother's Cocker Spaniel. We had Doberman Pinschers when I was growing up...

(That's Brutus, one of several Dobermans.)

You gotta die somehow.

To one of his associates that was flirting with me.

She's the world's oldest teenager.

My father about his sister.

You'd rather eat cake than cornbread?

My father to me. I was the pickiest of eaters but never about sweets.

Baseball is interesting if you understand the game.

I don't like chicken. We had so much of it when I was growing up.

My father: You're a part of me. So, if you go over there, it's like I'm going too.


Me: What if I can't figure it out?

My father: You're smart. I know that you can do it.

Me: You're spoiled.

My father: You are too.

My father schmoozing me to go over to my aunt's house and help her figure out a deep fryer. He had promised her, around 7:30 a.m., that he would come and help. It was round 2 p.m. when the schmoozing started. I went to help my aunt and we did figure out how to get the thing going without blowing ourselves up. In the meantime, I was fascinated by how much oil went into the fryer.

I hit him so hard that he went back to writing poetry.

My father about a poet that we knew who referred to himself as Hurricane R during their football playing days.

Doctor (before knee surgery): Do you exercise?

My father: I chase women.

When your mother and I were courting, we went to a carnival and the Ferris wheel stopped. We were stuck up at the top but I didn't care. I was satisfied just being with her.

You're gonna have to start calling me by my first name.

After my father spotted a gray hair in my head. In essence, I was cramping his public persona.

This is the best milk that I've ever had. This is the best pineapple that I've ever had.

My father after major surgery.

When I die, I want Dora to sing Danny Boy at my funeral.

I hate to tell you this but, if you see a squirrel, don't try to avoid it. You'll end up hitting other people's cars and causing lots of damage.

(My father's advice while teaching me how to drive...)

No one else can drive but you. You have to watch out for everyone and yourself too.

A look over your shoulder will save your life.

(More driving advice)

The Gospel According to My Aunt Al

My cousin: Can you put on your glasses and take a look at this...?

My aunt: You need to (drag on cigarette) get out of this house (i.e. go to the hospital).

My aunt was flipping channels when she landed on Lord of The Rings which I told her that I had really enjoyed.

Me: Have you seen Avatar?

My aunt: I don't watch that kind of s*@t.

My aunt: Come on, now, work with me...

A statement that my aunt makes when she feels someone is being too diplomatic.

About my Sunday malaise:

You can't win; you have five days stacked up against two.

Mental illness is rough.

A comment that my aunt will typically make in connection to difficult coworkers.

Regarding my cousin's possible depression...

She (drag on cigarette) just gonna have to shake it off.

On why she will not loan people cigarettes.

If you smoke, you need to have your own cigarettes.

You must not know how to hang up.

After I got kidnapped into a rather awkward conversation.

How long have you been working? Ain't no end to work.

I don't see why they (commentators) are still discussing it; they gave them the points.


On the Green Bay (28) Dallas (0) game (score) right before halftime on Nov. 7th when the Packers intercepted the ball and there was a question about whether the player's knee was down before the ball was swiped.

Bittersweetness

It’s been four years since my father died which makes this time of year bittersweet for sure.

When someone dies, you struggle to remember things they said and the sound of their voice but one thing that I remember vividly is my father standing (with his police uniform on) near the basketball goal at my junior high school.

I also remember traveling with my father to go to my brother’s out-of-town football games.

As a matter of fact, Sunday football is not the same anymore. I used to chill out with my father and watch games on Sunday.

For my father, I was a bit too unglamorous but I was still the apple of his eye, his Abby doll and Spoke which is such a curious nickname.

Sometimes I think that my father loved me in spite of himself and, as my therapist friend says, that in spite of love is the best kind.

My father could be such a rascal and I sometimes felt like the parent in the relationship, but I want to thank my father for showing up for my games, for making me laugh and for making me feel loved so that I didn’t have monstrous daddy issues.

Once my father asked me to go and do something for his sister that he had promised to do. He said well if you go, it’s like me going because you’re a part of me.

And what if I can’t figure it out (some turkey propane fryer situation), I said. You’re smart, you’ll be able to handle it, he replied.

I knew that my father was being cunning but I did the task for his sister anyway.

And in spite of love? It lasts a lifetime. Slimmer and a swimmer, I would say that my father would like the new me. However, he really liked the old me.

I don’t know where my father got the nickname Spoke from but it makes since:

Spoke (noun):

1 a : any of the small radiating bars inserted in the hub of a wheel to support the rim

Denting the Statistic

Today was supposed to be my day off from exercise since I went to the gym yesterday in order to catch some of the Cavaliers/Magic game.

At times, it's hard not to exercise. Even though I was feeling sluggish and weary, the pool was calling my name. I wanted to practice front crawl breathing. I found a video that I had not seen on YouTube that had some helpful hints.



Since I stopped swimming on Saturday, I hadn't been to the The Poo in awhile -- maybe it's because they keep the water so dang chilly. I reminded myself that competitive swimmers like the water cool so I was surprised when a member of the swim team looked at me, opened her mouth wide with excitement and said the water is so cold today. I like the Mehlville pool with its unusual hardwood ceiling but...
I was watching the local news yesterday and they talked about how the swimming pools will open soon and that 60% of African-Americans don't know how to swim. One gentleman, the director of the city pools, says that lots of parents push their children to play football and basketball, a trend documented in Hoop Dreams.

When I went swimming on Wednesday, there were about 20 kids in the pool taking lessons. Several of the kiddos have been taking lessons for quite awhile and, judging by their skills, there will be a dent in that statistic very soon.