About The Sunflowers

On July 31st ended up at the DMV renewing my tags because I had forgotten that they were due and, because of COVID-19, lines were outside. This woman asked me what I was having done and I told her and she said that the line for license renewal was on the other side and that line only had one person in it. 

What made her say something to me? She was my angel for the day...

In addition to COVID-19, racism and the climate crisis, life is even more difficult for me because of work and home. I'm pretty sure that I am not the only one in this predicament but, yeah, very little is soft or enjoyable right now. 

Before life really turned bizarre, I agreed to participate in my yoga studio's third anniversary celebration this past Friday. The teachers taught relay style and I was the final one and played singing bowls and led the class out of savasana.

One of the teachers did laughing yoga and a teachers two spots away from me was laughing so hard that it made me laugh and, at one point, I looked up at the little tree next to me and the sky, and I was able to really lighten up and relax. 

After class was over with, I heard this mariachi band and I thought, "It's a night for a music" and then I saw a guy round the corner with sunflowers and realized that he was about to propose to one of the yoga teachers. It was kind of a magical night and the other part that made my day was a yoga teacher who approached me with her daughter who told me how much she enjoyed the singing bowls. As the 'Fugee would say, it melted my heart...

Went to Cahokia Mounds to walk with my cousin today and as we climbed the stairs, this woman asked us if we knew about the sunflowers. Sunflowers, what? I knew about the sunflower field in St. Louis but not in Illinois. So, of course, we went. 

What is it about sunflowers that are so delightful? Why did that woman ask my cousin and me? I love everyday angels. Also, my cousin and I had walked at different locations previously. Had we not changed venues, we might not have found out about the sunflowers. 

Cheer

Was half-asleep on Friday night when I noticed someone mixing vodka in a singing bowl.

Mentioned my "dream" to the 'Fugee and she said it was if my singing bowls were drunk. Had I imagined it? I have been playing singing bowls at night soooo...

Anyway, I couldn't get the imagine out of my head and I finally found the very short commercial...



Decided to tackle the bathtub caulking on Saturday, ugh. Haven't done it in awhile and my arm was smarting by the time that I got the old caulk off. Even though I bought painter's tape, didn't use it initially but I quickly stopped and went to retrieve it. Got more caulk on the tape but it definitely produced better results than the first part that I tried to freestyle.

Stopped to cook then applied the new caulk. What to say? I did the best job that I could do. Super tired of the do it yourself way but don't have anyone else who's going to do it for me.

Decided to get a new shower curtain that I think is cheerful as I could use some cheer.

Not The Better Thing

I keep thinking about this woman on Twitter who pondered the reason why George Floyd's death has been such a watershed event. She speculated that it was the method of execution as we have become so accustomed to gun deaths...

Like others, I am trying to live my life, trying to do my self-care rituals and work in the midst of the twin pandemics -- COVID-19 and racism...

About two weeks ago, I received an amazing gift that made me think about Seinfeld, "What is this salty discharge coming from my eyes?" The gift also made me feel like I could go out into the world and be a better person. I also saw it as a sign of better things to come...

Because of lay-offs, I am alone in my department at work (not the better thing). Took PTO days because I was almost over the limit and, when I returned to the office, had a new office mate and then another one. It was one of the crappiest feelings -- not having time to grieve. It is, technically, okay to have this arrangement as the people who are now in my office have sneeze guards around their desks but knowing that I'm in a higher risk group, it's not a nice feeling to have the population in my office increase, especially since they are not here to help me.

Noticed water leaking in the basement and thought, "Aw, shit; the ancient pipes are ready to blow." The day before a plumber was scheduled to come out my next-door neighbor, who likes to thrift shop, went to someone's house to pick up planters and it was the woman who grew up in my house. She showed my neighbor a painting of my house that someone, who was across the street convalescing, painted decades ago.

Getting a picture of this painting was my sign that everything was going to be alright. The pipes hadn't sprung a leak but the caulking needs to be redone on the tub. It's another thing to put on the to-do list but more manageable than having to get new pipes. Actually went to Lowe's and couldn't find everything that I needed and walked out of the store empty-handed...

I was listening to this episode, Anti-racism and Allyship, of Yogaland podcast and this woman talked about how the Black community is in grieving and that is has been a cyclical pattern of grief and there it is --exactly how I feel. Could not put my finger on it -- why I felt like I was an airplane in an eternal holding pattern. Why people get on my nerves who respond, "I'm good."

It's grief.

Wild

As someone on Twitter wrote last night, "This episode of America is wild."

Levity in the face of the unimaginable horror. Barely got a chance to get over the slaughter of Ahmaud Arbery when Amy Cooper screeched that she was going to call the police and tell them that an African American man was threatening her life and then the incomprehensible happened again -- George Floyd was executed on-the-spot for an alleged $20 forgery.

Years ago, I accidentally ran over a baby bunny while taking the trash cart out to the curb. It made me so sad. I, obviously, didn't mean to do it but I was horrified. On Give STL Day, it never fails that the dog rescue organization tops the leaderboard. This year they received $113,000 dollars in donations.

How is it that Floyd didn't even get the consideration that we give to dogs? And the kicker was that the killer walked free, initially, despite the video evidence. I cannot get over the smug and casual look on the officer's face as he has his hand in his pockets and his full grown-ass-man body weight on Floyd's neck for 8 minutes and 45 seconds while Floyd is face down, handcuffed and on his stomach pleading for his life. How fucking cruel can a person be?

In a CBS interview, Christian Cooper said that Amy Cooper pulled the pin on the race grenade. 

When you realize how many black people, including adolescents, that have been murdered by trigger happy police officers, it's unfathomable. As someone pointed out, black people have been shot while eating ice cream, shot while sleeping, shot while jogging and the list goes on. 

And the utter police brutality seen during the recent protests... At least seven people lost their vision because of rubber bullets. Police officers pushing over women and old people. Just a bunch of thugs. 

I remember weeping while reading Anthony Ray Hinton's book, The Sun Does Shine. One of the cops told him if he wasn't the killer that another black person had done it so he was still guilty. It made no difference to the cop. So, here we are, almost 401 years after the first slaves arrived in Virginia -- and black people are guilty of being forcibly brought to this country? For building America? 

What a mess.

Keep Pedaling

Posted this polyglot video to my IG stories which resulted in me chit-chatting with someone that I newly know and told her that I regretted not following through on Spanish in high school and she genuinely made me laugh out loud when she responded that she had a lot of high school regrets.

Her comment just reminded me that we're never the only one who experienced or are experiencing something...

Since rain is on tap for almost every day next week, hefted my bike out of the basement, put on sunscreen and headed to the riverfront.

It was not a long ride -- just enough for me to stretch my legs and also give them a pep talk -- Keep going; keep pedaling.

It's kind of funny. I was thinking about a time that Alison and I were biking and she so easily spotted these turtles. When I looked at my pictures when I got home, was surprised to see the turtle in the second picture.

On my way to the riverfront, listened to my next to last episode of Floodlines. Hope that a book is forthcoming.

More Attention

Salvia

Because I've been walking more, I've paid more attention to how spring unfolds: crocuses, forsythia, daffodils, hyacinths, tulips, red bud trees, irises, peonies.

Thought that I was going  to have so much time to unclutter and organize and I do have more time but the spirit is not willing.

Find myself loosening my grip on the nightly meditation sessions and the Saturday dharma talk that I had been tuning into but I'm still doing Zoom-ba and yoga almost daily.

On Saturday, drove my mother's car to a suburb since I had to jump start it. My mother has an older-ish car so I'm unable to hook up my iPod so I turned the radio to NPR. Haven't listened to Snap Judgement in ages; the Mother's Day Special was on and the part about the mother who made her own Ebola suit was inspiring...

Allium

I also just listened to Give It To Me Straight, Doc on Michael Moore's Rumble podcast and that was helpful.

I've tried a couple of new recipes, including a Sweet Potato Chickpea Buddha Bowl from
The Minimalist Baker.  It's my kind of bowl. Will tinker with it next time -- adding, possibly, mushrooms, making the sauce thinner -- maybe different. I also liked adding a little hot sauce to it.

Oh yeah, my bowl ended up not being vegetarian as I added grilled chicken...

I'm currently reading Driving Over Lemons. I get into these non-fiction zones and that's where I'm at right now.

I also listened to the sweetest New York Times' The Daily podcast with Rick Steves. He keeps "marijuana" journals and he read from one during this episode and it made me laugh out loud. Speaking of marijuana, I keep thinking about Jamaica.

Stickyweed a.k.a. Catchweed a.k.a. all over the yard...

All in all, trying to be vigilant about wearing masks, hand-washing, wiping down surfaces and not touching my face. You know, trying to keep the virus at bay.

I think that it was Ibram X. Kendi who talked about the murder of Ahmaud Arbery and the virus of racism. I keep having to check the calendar but it does not feel like 2020.

Roads Less Traveled

Route to Evade

Participated in my first birthday parade. One of my yoga classmates’ birthday was on Tuesday so some of us met last Sunday to drive through her cul-de-sac to wish her a happy birthday...

As we gathered on the parking lot, even our cars physically distancing, had a strange sensation that I had recently met with my classmates then remembered that we had been on a Zoom call...

One of the most endearing things that I've seen has been yoga teachers who haven't done live social media. It's so sweet to see them watch the screen and go, "I don't know if this is on. My son set it up for me" or the ones who are like, "I'm not going to touch this thing in case I disconnect everyone."

Roxane Gay also had me chuckling. She announced on Twitter that she was giving out $1,000 dollars in one hundred dollar increments and she encouraged people to send their Venmo information with a caveat, I'm old and I don't read those bar codes." Also cool was the fact that others stepped in when they saw what she was doing...

There's a Zumba teacher that I've been able to reconnect with since gyms shut down. She recommended this other teacher, Rawlins Apilado, for a kickboxing and kettlebell class.

Because it was an Instagram Live class, I wanted to look into it before it disappeared. I did about twenty minutes and enjoyed it. It was definitely nice to swing the kettlebell again.

Went for my first bike ride of 2020 on Saturday and the struggle was real. Maybe my first outing should not have been on an 80-degree day. I also wore a mask but don't think there was a need because not a lot of cyclists were out...

Only 'fro on this stretch of the road...

Cut the grass today against my will. It's been less than two weeks since I cut it but the rain has been generous. I know, April showers.