Showing posts with label Regrets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Regrets. Show all posts

Thursday, September 7, 2017

To Wrap Around

Buddha at a Local Store
My cousin was supposed to go to a family birthday party last Saturday with my aunt Al so I accompanied her and I joked that while I wouldn’t be glad to go, I would go. I knew that it would be an awkward experience since, outside of my father’s siblings, I don’t really know a lot of my paternal relatives.


At the birthday party, a second cousin came over and asked if I knew who he was. I did know his name but I didn’t know him. He immediately said that one of his regrets was not getting to know parts of his family and I said that I felt similarly. I mean, I had to be introduced to many relatives at that party that, in theory, I should be familiar with.


On tap for the next day was a reunion with many of the same family members. One of my second cousins, D, kept saying that she looked like my aunt Al in response to people saying that she looks like her grandmother. D didn’t get along with her grandmother and I feel bad about that too because I think that if they had put their differences aside, they would have really enjoyed each other’s company. D has a great sense of humor and a big personality -- just like my aunt L. Anyway, I have enough to feel bad about without adding more regret for something that I had no control over...


Scene of the Reunion
Tug of War: Females vs. Males
Photo Booth: D's Family
At any rate, the birthday party was nice and so was the family reunion. Both were well organized and the credit goes to my second cousin, S., who is a superb event planner. The party MC even joked that the birthday woman is very laid back but that her daughter, S, is another story. When S asks you for something by a certain time on a certain date, you get it to her without questions...


Once a friend suggested that I go to Al-Anon and I scoffed out loud and had a For what? tone to my voice. I considered my father a soft and functional alcoholic but I can see how my father’s pursuit of alcohol et al. affected me by, say, his lack of interest in family gatherings.


As I listened to my cousin, C, talk about his 40 plus year marriage to the birthday woman, I wished that my father had been more invested in marriage. You get to play the “wish game” but you don’t get to alter reality and, while my father was not more “invested” in marriage, he was super invested in me, so I won’t cry over spilled milk. Okay, I’m whimpering a bit but whatever...


Birthday Prizes, Decorative Boxes that S Made
Additional Giveaway Boxes (with scripture chosen by birthday woman)




As an introvert, I felt the strain of being around a lot people for the Labor Day weekend but I did enjoy the family reunion. There were games, plenty of food, a photo booth and, of course, lots of interesting people.


I found it frustrating that I got almost nothing done, outside of cutting the grass and cleaning the fish tank, during the holiday weekend but I guess I’ll put that in the That’s life column. Plus, when family is gathered, you have to set other things aside.

The Friday before the holiday was busy at work and so was this Tuesday. I kept feeling the need to scream and I did but not loudly because screaming at work is frowned upon. My urge to scream made me think of this Primal Therapy scene in some goofy movie. And other than wanting to scream, I'm still wrapping my mind around the fact that my aunt is gone.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

The Icing and... The Woman Who Gained Weight

The promise of a wintry mix and a two hour end-of-day meeting on Friday sent me in the direction of home and not to the FriYAY! yoga class that I've been going to. I haz regrets...

The other day my mother told me about some woman that she'd seen on the news who exercised and dieted all the time and was unhappy. The woman finally stopped dieting. At 200 pounds, the woman is now happy.

It's kind of funny that my mother told me about this story. I thought she'd seen it on the world news but couldn't find it. Also couldn't find the story on the local news. Maybe she made it up? Just kidding.

Lately, I've been saying no less. I had put the kibosh on cupcakes because they are definitely high up on the kryptonite list.

My supervisor left a mini raspberry cupcake from one of my favorite places, Sweet Art, on my desk Friday and I ate it then restrained myself from running my finger around the box to collect the rest of the icing.

When I think about my mother, I don't ever remember her being overweight and she eats what she wants: cake, hot water cornbread, whole eggs etc. Guess that's what you call eating in moderation.

I think I might need a Rumspringa from food hypervigilance...

And, of course, I need to remind myself to embrace my body's present moment...

Did you see the article by Oliver Sacks? Like so many, I am moved and inspired by his candor and attitude.

One of my favorite lines:

There is no time for anything inessential.