Patti's Horoscope

Patti Taking It To The Tulip Wall

Libra:

"On July 3, revitalizing Mars moves into Libra, ending a sleepy eight-month cycle where you may have felt sick, tired and utterly unmotivated. Many Libras may feel out of shape as a result of this tough transit. With drill sergeant Mars blowing the whistle, you’re ready to get back in fighting form. Try a high-intensity cardio class, even one that incorporates elements of boxing, martial arts or dance."

Crap... does this mean I am going to become you? ;)

Why Is The Banana Bent? or More Stuff People Say To Me

I must have asked a lot of questions this day because my colleague told me about an expression the Germans have which, basically, translates to Why, why, why is the banana bent?

It sounded much better in German.

Just ignore him. He could swim all night.

A swimmer about his lane partner. I was huffing and puffing as I watched his friend do the front crawl and rock the bilateral breathing.

Woman in the locker room (who had just finished dressing her hand baby in layers of puffy clothes) with a sheepish expression on her face: I forgot my undergarments.

Me: It happens.

Woman: It's a good thing I'm going straight home.

We're opposites; you're at 12 and I'm at six. A colleague on our astrological differences.

Those walls are not going to climb themselves.


David to me as I waited on a route to open up.

You have a lot of conflicts.

Wynne to me as I was telling her how I used to struggle with my harness when I first bought it.

I'm done.

A massage therapist unceremoniously ending a session.

Bruce: Are you lead certified?

Me: Not yet. I don't climb 5.9's cleanly yet.

Bruce: You definitely want to take your time. There's no need to rush it.

Dave: Yeah, I always say "No Zero to Hero." Rock climbing is about fun. It's about the journey. I have so many other things in my life that are hard. I want this to be about fun...

Me to friend: Did you volunteer?

Friend: I was VolunTold.

When your weight varies by three pounds, it's not a weight gain but, if there's a 10 pound difference, that's officially a weight gain.

Next door colleague

The Cup Is Already Broken

My dedication to self-care thing has hit a bump in the road.

I went to this massage therapist several times, decided that I felt comfortable with her and figured that I should do the practical thing and get a package. You're familiar with massage packages, right? Typically you buy a certain amount of massages up front and get the, say, sixth one free or at a discount.

As soon as I bought the package, the massage therapist stopped being responsive to emails. She would answer one email then not the next. I completely understand if someone is busy but to not respond is just foul. I thought about venting on Yahoo Reviews, Yelp or Twitter but I really didn't want to take that route.

When I've seen the therapist, she's been professional (for the most part) and personable. I also sensed that she is a hustler which is not an entirely negative thing in my mind.

I think it's safe to say that I have been a fighter -- often in defensive stance but, as Tina Turner sings, I don't really want fight no more.

Having said that, I still feel like Bernie Mac in that Secrets and Lies episode of The Bernie Mac Show -- I want to be unpunkable:

Yeah, I know what you did, Jordan.
I know it was you.
It was you that cut down that cherry tree.
Jordan, you're trying to punk me.
I'm going to let you know I'm unpunkable, okay? (3:00)*

When I didn't hear from the massage therapist a second time in a six week span, I was thinking that she is going to make me do something that I don't want to do and that's going to cost me more money.

I drafted a letter noting my frustration and stating a request for the return of my money. I shortened it -- made it less harsh because, really, I don't want to fight. The email is in my drafts and I was going to send it in a few days but I felt like just drafting the email signaled the end of the relationship. I don't get rid of annoyance easily and I certainly wouldn't want the person who is annoying me to touch me.

Of course, I hear from the massage therapist before I send the email. There was a part of me hoping that she wouldn't respond because I don't want to deal with her anymore -- knowing that she might respond when and if she feels like it in the future.

So, okay, what kind of lesson am I supposed to learn from this experience?

Patience? Understanding?

I remember this story that was in Prevention. Geneen Roth goes on a meditation retreat; the teacher holds up his favorite cup and says As far as I'm concerned, this cup is already broken.

I also remember something that Hazira said to me years ago when a friend properly broke my heart. You can enjoy your friends without them being perfect. This concept is a hard one for a perfectionist to swallow. Or, it's a hard pill for a purist, as Patti likes to call me, to swallow.

I don't try to be a perfectionist but I'm a Virgo:

You are bashful, but you have all the necessary wiles and weapons, including a determination to pursue happiness. You seek romance, and commitment is an integral part of it. If you are in love, you go to any lengths to make sure it works. On the flip side, if you are in an unhappy relationship, you will snap the cords with ease.

You can be deadly practical and divinely romantic at the same time. You are a perfectionist, but not perfect yourself. You have your negative traits. You can be sickeningly prompt, and think that you are the best critic in the world.

I also think about Alice Walker's The Same River Twice where she responds to critics of The Color Purple. It sticks with me how Walker says that the character, Mr., even though he's an abuser, that his love for Shug Avery redeems him as a human being.

I used to actively look for that redeeming quality in people. But now?

I returned the therapist's last email and I'm waiting to hear from her again...





*The whole unpunkable thing starts when Bernie Mac has Jordan fake an asthma attack so that they can go to a Clippers game (to see Michael Jordan before he retires) then Jordan uses the secrecy surrounding the fake attack to get away with many things.