I'm not sure why my brain associates songs with things that people say and whatnot but I heard so much Balkan music while traveling that the soundtrack in my head changed from English language songs and I found myself singing the few Bosnian ones that I know.
When I returned to work, I had the situation below waiting for me. So sweet -- even without the apple strudel and I enjoyed the world map napkins.
Something that was not sweet -- returning to a toxic coworker. I had an internal debate with myself before I concluded that I need to do everything in power, self-care wise, so that I don't behave in the bitter manner that my coworker does. I will get to as many yoga classes as possible, take as many lavender-infused salt baths, swim as many miles as it takes and walk as far as possible before I get to the point where I'm constantly spewing unhappiness on others...
Love the Instagram post below but, of course, I want both -- the actual retreat and mind retreat.
I'm still thinking about the great, warm, salt bath of May 18th.* I stayed in the tub for about 80 minutes and, mostly, read O: The Oprah Magazine and, of course, I just got reinforcement as far as doing more yoga.
In Martha Beck's column she writes:
Mindfulness and meditation -- simply focusing on the present moment, observing one's feelings without judging or reacting to them in any way -- have been shown to increase neural density in parts of the brain related to well-being and raise the happiness set point that determines how we typically feel. (O, page 24)
Took a vacation day and, first things first, went to yoga at 9:30 with Alison and I was, again, surprised that the class was packed. I wanna go to yoga on Friday mornings at that time. Night shift workers? Vacationers? Students? Guess that I could go to work, leave and stay later. Honestly, that's doubtful on Friday seems long enough as it is.
Yoga class was playful but a little bit more intense that I usually like but I totally put myself in child's pose when it was necessary...
After yoga I went to pick up contacts that I'm sampling. Asked the clerk how she was doing and she told me You know, Mondays and Fridays. She went on to tell me that she is the only one out of her group of friends who has to work. She's also amazed that her kids are growing up so fast...
Next up was lawn mowing then errands. I also decided to go swimming and it was pretty funny when the lifeguard told me that this Friday is the last one for open swimming because the summer schedule will start soon.
The lap lanes were occupied so I swam in front of the lifeguards and I had a moment when I felt totally self-conscious and imagined that they were critiquing my technique but I talked myself out of it. My final statement to myself was that the lifeguards are there to watch over me and to intervene if I get into trouble...
I was just thinking how well my Swimsuit for All is holding up but noticed wear and tear today. Kind of like this shortini and I'm in the mood to try new things so maybe I'll purchase one.
Zumba was the most exciting part of my day and everything else has been pretty chill so no complaints.
Went to test drive an Impreza yesterday and was imprezzed, ta-da...
Specifically picked this one dealership because they had an older model but what I've learned is that dealers are not interested in selling a used vehicle. One told me that the older model was fully loaded and, therefore, the same price as the 2016.
So much has changed at dealerships. Last night, the 'Fugee went with me and we both got Trader Joe's chocolate as we headed out the door. They also had hot chocolate, tea etc. and there was a sizable monitor where I could imagine the car in jasmine green and quartz blue pearl. Want some color on that car? It'll set you back an additional $3,000 dollars.
Booty from Subaru
I have to keep reminding myself that I need a new car. In fact, I made a list so that I don't forget. My current one is a 2001. The catalytic converter needs to be replaced. The brakes make a god-awful noise when it rains or snows so when I hear that rain is in the forecast, I dread driving my car and, no, the brakes don't need to be replaced. There's something amiss, but not dangerous, with the brake mechanism in the Protege's latter years.
Did you hear about the gas without the station? Wish that I could tell someone what I want in a car and get them to negotiate a price for me. The salesman, of course, tried to get me to sign on the dotted line last night but I've never that impulsive and, sure enough, the discounted offer that I got was the same price, minus discount, at another dealership.
Part of me wants to buy an Enterprise car but they have way too many miles on them, duh, but at least you don't have to haggle over a price.
One "trivial" thing that I like about the Impreza is the sound system which is awesome. Listening to music on my iPod in that car reminded me of Sharon who was an art therapist. I told her about taking my then new Mazda to the dealer to get the CD fixed because I like to listen to music in the morning and she said What dedication to self-care. I will forever be grateful to Sharon for firmly planting that seed in my head.
It was hard to top the pre-staycation trifecta of the Lantern Festival, Circus Flora and Farm To Yoga so I didn't try. What's the point of always trying to top something anyway?
Thursday morning, decided to make an oatmeal "recipe" like one I'd seen in Prevention magazine: rolled oats, unsweetened cocoa, coconut, almond milk, almonds (a little redundant now that I think about it) and a drizzle of maple syrup. The recipe didn't call for it but I added bananas. Was I moaning while eating it? No, but I liked the change.
Went to get an a.m. massage because I still feel tense. Because of the therapist's skill, I was able to go to that hypnotic state. At the end of the session, she thanked me -- as massage therapist will do and told me that she will see me when she sees me which meant I could truly take my time and not rush to get off the table so I didn't.
Couldn't resist going to the pool afterward. The air and water temperature was perfect and I capped off the day by going to Zumba...
Saw the Mayor tweet about one of the city pools. I forget about them.
Felt the need for a dip in refreshing water again so I headed to a city pool but when I pulled up there was no one in the water and, upon further inspection, the gate was locked. I did see a lifeguard who told me that there'd been a delay because of an inspection or something and that the pool is slated to open tomorrow. Nothing like seeing all off that refreshing water and real estate and not being able to get in.
The Marquette repairs are great. Might be time for a poolside staff meeting. #fgs
Made a stress-relieving bubble bath bag for Chiquita, my cousin. The contents of the bag included Epsom salt infused with essential oil, lavender bubble bath and Dr. Oz's new magazine, The Good Life.
Chiquita reported back that she enjoyed her bath and I told her that she could bring the Mason jar back for a refill of salt.
This article, Massaging Your Soul, made me think about Chiquita and her bag and it made me think of myself as I get drawn deeper into massing my soul.
And massage? It gets me out of my head and hits the reset button. At the end of a massage, I often think Okay, I'm ready to be nicer, more patient, more...I can even rub the furry one ad nauseam and watch as he tilts his head back into my hand or watch him as he goes belly up.
A former colleague stopped by the office and my immediate coworker explained that she was walking funny because of back pain.
A massage? Melinda suggested. My boyfriend is an opera singer and he gets them for his voice. As a flight attendant, Melinda often accesses things from awkward angles and her boyfriend suggested massage therapy for her as well.
My coworker said I don't get massages but she does (nodding toward me). She knows how to take care of herself.
Melinda then asked me if I watch Parks and Recreation. Apparently, there are characters that have a Treat Yo Self day, ha-ha.
Melinda and I both agreed that The One Afflicted With BackPain should try massage. The Afflicted One... started tallying the cost of the chiropractic treatments she's been receiving.
You can't afford not to deal with stress crossed my mind.
If you can get rid of the stress element altogether, we can get rid of your spine pain.
-Shorty's doctor to Shorty, Pit Boss
Stress dampens empathy.
-On Being podcast?
Stress can take you down physically and energetically.
-Jackson, cat behaviorist on My Cat From Hell, Season 3, Epi 7
Debated about whether or not to take a bath last night then reminded myself how relaxing warm water is plus I'm able to get in reading time while soaking. Remembered that it's Self-Care Month and that sealed the deal. Took out my Epsom salt that I had already infused with lavender essential oil then added Dr. Teal's foaming bath to the mix.
I made it through the July/August Natural Health magazine and got lost in Frances Lefkowitz's While You Were Sleeping article about dreams.
...Noticing, honoring and sharing our dreams connects us to our inner, less rational and more emotional selves, as well as to our outer world and the other beings that inhabit it. (78)
Interesting article, overall, about dream groups and how some people, like artist Kim Collet, are "animating the dream image."
Funny, the "less rational" part reminds me of episode twenty two (season two) of Scandal when Cyrus talks to Olivia about doomed love and finally tells her This is not a romance novel; life is not a romance novel...
Wondering what else I can do to up the self-care ante.
Try not to over-think it, Jen said as we were in a sumo-like position dipping our shoulders left then right.
Try telling that to a chronic over-thinker.
Before we started practicing yoga, we meditated. Closing the eyes lets the body know that it's time to go inside...
I instinctively close my eyes when I do self-chakra connections and it does make me feel internally calm.
After yoga, I felt like I wanted to exercise more but, the previous day, I practiced kettlebell, walked and did yoga so it was time to let my body recuperate.
I drew a bath, put in eucalyptus salt plus lavender bubbles, got deeper into Cheryl Strayed's Wild and emerged an hour later.
I woke up before the alarm and, though horizontal, experienced equal standing.
I got a surprise in the mail from Yoga Journal who is tempting me with a Netflix-like program and the offer is totally inviting but this offer finds me at a time when I'm trying to dig deep and unclutter but I definitely think Gingerzingi should have a DVD like this one.
Had ambivalence about a class being offered but signed up for it anyway. Attending class meant that I would miss Zumba, swimming and yoga and, you know, parts of the Slug Festival. Saturday's 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. session left me completely drained and whiny. I contemplated quitting and not showing up for the second part on Sunday but I don't like to give up. Plus, if the instructors-in-training could be present (on the sidelines) for observation purposes, who was I to throw in the towel?
The first item on today's agenda was self-care -- one hour and 15 beautiful minutes of it.
We connected our chakras, did Tai Chi and yoga. I kind of groaned with longing at the mention of yoga.
As we stretched our sides, the teacher said that her yoga instructor likes to say Energetically, you're creating fingernail grooves in the ceiling.
Regarding chakras, I now see why we do so many spinal twists in yoga and why Sara Calabro thinks that Downward Facing Dog is so important.
During class, we had to break off into pairs a lot. At one point, I got paired with the sole massage therapist in class. Guess who got a totally awesome hand massage?
Unrolled my mat but didn't see Gloria among the yogis but that’s because Rebecca subbed for Gloria. We were about 40 strong -- impressive attendance, to me, sans group coupon or yoga studio...
As we were on our backs, I heard the door open again and again and again. Must have been 10 people who came in after class started. As you hear people come in, just let that sound wash right over you, said Rebecca. Timely words as I got distracted each time the open door let in the sound of treadmills and the clanking of weights.
After turning over, Rebecca had us move the way I imagine people move inside of a dragon at a Chinese New Year celebration. We undulated our way to warmer muscles. We let out audible breaths. We got jiggy with it.
As we did crescent, Rebecca itched to correct bodies but said that there was a no touching policy so she just walked around and gave cues.
It was a rigorous class as we “rested” often in downward facing dog.
As savasana started, Rebecca told the people with glasses to take them off. Give your face a total break. She was right. My face felt much better without the weight of glasses. It reminded me of the time that I waited on a massage therapist to finish up with a client. There was a kitchen area and an area with sofas. I sat in the kitchen area and when she found me she said, I can’t believe that you chose to sit on a hard chair.
Who wears glasses during savasana? It’s like choosing to sit on a hard chair when there are sofas around. I love adding different techniques to my self-care trove.
Blurred vision again. Admittedly, I wasn’t in a good mood today but if my vision blurred every time I was in bad mood, I’d have the episodes more often.
Hazira put her hands in motion and did energy work for me. As soon as she finished, the blurred vision disappeared. She did ask me, first, if everything was copacetic. Because I will keep working, she said. I love it when a Healing Touch practitioner sticks around until the job is done.
I like to think that with all of the self-care that I do that the blurred vision thing won’t happen but this passage from an O Magazine (March 2012) article, The Vacation that Will Kick-Start a Healthier, Happier You, rings true:
He (personal trainer Jorge) doesn’t say that everything is going to be okay – he says everything is okay. I give the workout my full energy. When it’s over, the foul mood is gone. I have my peace back. I finally grasp that keeping it isn’t effortless: I have to work for it. And I want to…
My dedication to self-care thing has hit a bump in the road.
I went to this massage therapist several times, decided that I felt comfortable with her and figured that I should do the practical thing and get a package. You're familiar with massage packages, right? Typically you buy a certain amount of massages up front and get the, say, sixth one free or at a discount.
As soon as I bought the package, the massage therapist stopped being responsive to emails. She would answer one email then not the next. I completely understand if someone is busy but to not respond is just foul. I thought about venting on Yahoo Reviews, Yelp or Twitter but I really didn't want to take that route.
When I've seen the therapist, she's been professional (for the most part) and personable. I also sensed that she is a hustler which is not an entirely negative thing in my mind.
I think it's safe to say that I have been a fighter -- often in defensive stance but, as Tina Turner sings, I don't really want fight no more.
Having said that, I still feel like Bernie Mac in that Secrets and Lies episode of The Bernie Mac Show -- I want to be unpunkable:
Yeah, I know what you did, Jordan. I know it was you. It was you that cut down that cherry tree. Jordan, you're trying to punk me. I'm going to let you know I'm unpunkable, okay? (3:00)*
When I didn't hear from the massage therapist a second time in a six week span, I was thinking that she is going to make me do something that I don't want to do and that's going to cost me more money.
I drafted a letter noting my frustration and stating a request for the return of my money. I shortened it -- made it less harsh because, really, I don't want to fight. The email is in my drafts and I was going to send it in a few days but I felt like just drafting the email signaled the end of the relationship. I don't get rid of annoyance easily and I certainly wouldn't want the person who is annoying me to touch me.
Of course, I hear from the massage therapist before I send the email. There was a part of me hoping that she wouldn't respond because I don't want to deal with her anymore -- knowing that she might respond when and if she feels like it in the future.
So, okay, what kind of lesson am I supposed to learn from this experience?
Patience? Understanding?
I remember this story that was in Prevention. Geneen Roth goes on a meditation retreat; the teacher holds up his favorite cup and says As far as I'm concerned, this cup is already broken.
I also remember something that Hazira said to me years ago when a friend properly broke my heart. You can enjoy your friends without them being perfect. This concept is a hard one for a perfectionist to swallow. Or, it's a hard pill for a purist, as Patti likes to call me, to swallow.
I don't try to be a perfectionist but I'm a Virgo:
You are bashful, but you have all the necessary wiles and weapons, including a determination to pursue happiness. You seek romance, and commitment is an integral part of it. If you are in love, you go to any lengths to make sure it works. On the flip side, if you are in an unhappy relationship, you will snap the cords with ease.
You can be deadly practical and divinely romantic at the same time. You are a perfectionist, but not perfect yourself. You have your negative traits. You can be sickeningly prompt, and think that you are the best critic in the world.
I also think about Alice Walker's The Same River Twice where she responds to critics of The Color Purple. It sticks with me how Walker says that the character, Mr., even though he's an abuser, that his love for Shug Avery redeems him as a human being.
I used to actively look for that redeeming quality in people. But now?
I returned the therapist's last email and I'm waiting to hear from her again...
*The whole unpunkable thing starts when Bernie Mac has Jordan fake an asthma attack so that they can go to a Clippers game (to see Michael Jordan before he retires) then Jordan uses the secrecy surrounding the fake attack to get away with many things.
I promised myself that I would get massages often. Well, the last time that I had a massage was in October of 2009. Today is my friend Lori's birthday. I thought she might like a massage, I could get one too and we could spend relaxing time together.
Before my appointment, I did two 15-Minute circuits of Jackie Warner's Personal Training Circuit -- figured that I might as well add the Warner aftermath to the list of kinks that needed to be kneaded. My body just rains every time I do a Warner circuit. I need to do this workout way more often -- to keep myself in check.
An hour and a half later, I arrived at the spa and when the massage therapist got ready to start, she told me to take a deep breath. I tapped into my yoga thing, she did a centering ritual of sorts and the decompressing began.
There were several times when I thought I just might cry. Guess I must be storing something but I guess we are all storing one thing or another.
The only thing that was uncomfortable about the massage was the attention to the feet. Having my feet touched is almost unbearable and I was hoping that reflexes would not get the better of me.
I was also told to relax my arm which is not the first time that's happened. It's ironic because I'm certainly not trying to help by holding it up -- just general tension I guess...
When I first got my car, my CD player went on the fritz. I immediately made an appointment to get it fixed. One of my colleagues said, What dedication to self-care. Those words are never far from my mind and I'm going to get a whole lot better at that activity. I work out hard and, dang it, I'm going to play hard.
I smelly all woodsy like tea tree oil but in a lavender kind of way and I'm digging it.
I have a half-filled journal that has inspirational quotes or portions of articles which I haven't laid hands on in ages but I went hunting for it this morning because half of the articles are excerpts from Anne Lamott's former Salon column Word by Word.
I only cut out one line from her essay My Secret Body since I so related to that line at the time:
I was once again the world's oldest toddler.
This young lady, Ena, told me that Lamott would be in town. At first, I didn't feel like going but I've read several of Lamott's books and had never seen her before. I felt it was time to unplug anyway so I headed downtown last night.
The clergyman who greeted everyone to the Christ Church Cathedral was very welcoming. He invited people to not only look around later but to come back saying that it was our house and what a beautiful house it is...
Lamott is engaging and funny. She invited late folks to come to the front of the cathedral (with the other latecomers) saying that they could be closer to the M & M's and Hershey's Kisses. It was Lamott's birthday and I'm assuming the M & M's came with the balloons.
Lamott covered a lot of ground -- talked about three things she did to raise her son right (raised him in a church in the presence of multi-racial and multi-generational people, was sober and didn't get him a Nintendo) and she talked a lot about friendship and the grace of God in friendships.
During the Q & A, someone asked Lamott about her dimply thighs that she wrote about in Traveling Mercies. A light bulb finally went off in Lamott's head when she asked a dying friend if her thighs looked okay in a dress and her friend told her you just don't have that kind of time.
Radical self-love came out of Lamott's mouth a lot. I also dug other things she said:
If you're not okay at 180 pounds, you're not going to be okay at 140.
You're only going to be okay where your butt is right now.
I'm so militant about self-care and self-love.
Diets will make you fat and crazy if you're not doing the spiritual work.
Some days are just going to be too long.
I just want to give people my strength, my light...
There's comfort in self-love and there's comfort in quiet.
We are preapproved.
A woman asked Lamott's advice on how to help the people in her life without being completely drained. Lamott took that time to tell people that she would not personalize books. She said I have an old hand and if I personalize books, I won't get back to my hotel room until 10:30 p.m. She did tell people that they could write whatever they wanted and she would sign it.
Lamott addressed the woman's question by saying, in part, that no is a complete sentence and that so many sweet women get caught up in being the flight attendant for the world.
How do you take care of yourself and do you feel as if you are preapproved? Who inspires you?
Inhale as early as possible and for as long as possible.
Try to keep one eye in the water.
Keep your head on the same plane as your body.
from Freestyle Breathing Technique video
If it is in the wrong position, soon everything else will be, too.
In swimming as in life, you gotta get your head in the right place.
from Breathing While Swimming by Coach Dee, Excel Triathletes Blogspot
The greater the distance between your finger tips and your toes, the better.
Have Goggles, Will Swim, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Triathlon Training
In proper freestyle swimming, the head moves with the body to take the breath; it never moves independently. You don’t want any lifting of the chin to take a breath. You don’t want any looking forward or to the side of the pool to take a breath. You want to rotate your head in line with the your body…
Bob Bowman
Indulgences
Alexia Oven Fries (Olive Oil, Rosemary, Garlic)
Almond Butter, Creamy With Sea Salt (Trader Joe's)
Banana Split SO Delicious Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert Minis (Made With Coconut Milk & Agave Sweetened Center)
Bunny Grahams (Annie's Homegrown)
Chocolate-Covered Peppermint Sticks (Bogdon)
O'Coco's Organic Baked Crisps
Soy Creamy Mini Chocolate Sandwiches Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert (Trader Joe's)
TLC Banana Chocolate Chip Soft n' Chewy Bars (Kashi)
Kryptonite
Bahlsen Truffet (Meringue Biscuit with Cocoa Cream Filling and Swiss Milk Chocolate)
N.Y.L. (New York Laundry): Relaxing, Exercise, Shopping, A Fun Time, Being Seen In, Anything
Navy Blue Speedo Ultraback (RIP: Jan. 2009 to July 2009)
Steamfresh Specially Seasoned Southwestern Corn
Trader Joe's Multigrain & Flaxseed Water Crackers
Wasa thin & crispy rosemary flatbread
Mantra
The Best Life Diet is not a diet in the usual sense of the word. You don't go on it, then off it as the term diet typically implies. It is, instead, a diet in the traditional sense of the word: a way of eating - for life. It's based on a well-balanced regimen of interesting, satisfying, nutrient-rich, and easy-to-find-and-prepare foods...
Roasted Red Potatoes With Chive Butter Sauce (Steamfresh Lightly Sauced)
More Climbing Advice
To climb fluidly and under control, you must settle in and relax.
from How To Rock Climb! by John Long
Put your weight on them (feet), trust them, and utilize them to save your strength by resting on them... Feel stuck? Look for a foot hold, exhale, and move to it.
from Mock Rock: The Guide To Indoor Climbing
Motivation
I'm going to give it all that I have then I'm gonna give it all that I don't have.
