A Nod In My Direction

A former colleague stopped by the office and my immediate coworker explained that she was walking funny because of back pain.

A massage? Melinda suggested. My boyfriend is an opera singer and he gets them for his voice. As a flight attendant, Melinda often accesses things from awkward angles and her boyfriend suggested massage therapy for her as well.

My coworker said I don't get massages but she does (nodding toward me). She knows how to take care of herself.

Melinda then asked me if I watch Parks and Recreation. Apparently, there are characters that have a Treat Yo Self day, ha-ha.

Melinda and I both agreed that The One Afflicted With Back Pain should try massage. The Afflicted One... started tallying the cost of the chiropractic treatments she's been receiving.

You can't afford not to deal with stress crossed my mind.

If you can get rid of the stress element altogether, we can get rid of your spine pain.

-Shorty's doctor to Shorty, Pit Boss

Stress dampens empathy.

-On Being podcast?

Stress can take you down physically and energetically.

-Jackson, cat behaviorist on My Cat From Hell, Season 3, Epi 7

...Genuinely Nice

Asmira's sugar-free, fat-free masterpiece.

I am not a party person so when my aunt asked about my yoga party, I quickly called it by another name --- a birthday yoga class.

Wanted to have a yoga class for the b-day last year but sat on the fence too long. I still had the urge so I thought about where I could have it and who would guide.

I asked Gloria and her answer was a supersized yes and I still have not found the appropriate words to convey how thankful I am.

I sent out invitations and asked people not to bring gifts. Why did you tell people not to bring anything? one of my friends asked. It feels good to be able to sing those Tuck and Patti lyrics: I have just about everything I need. Although, I will admit that I cannot resist the lure of workout clothes and I'm often tempted to buy more workout equipment.

The Gifts That I Was Not Supposed To Get

Today didn't go as I planned but it was a wonderful opportunity to practice yoga principles and to witness how magnanimous people can be. Even though it didn't go exactly as planned, it turned out beautifully. The energy was really good and I think that everyone enjoyed themselves.

Even Borat said: It (the birthday yoga class) was genuinely nice.

Thanks so much to everyone for making it such a lovely day.

Lori Revisiting Plank. Borat and I Content With Sukhasana (Easy Pose)

A Deeper Look Inside of Asmira's Confection

A Closer Look at the Calla Lilies

Favorite Gloria-ism of the day: Every time (birthday) you step on your yoga mat, it's an opportunity to have a clean slate. Gloria said it much nicer but you get the picture.

Gloria also threw in eagle pose which tends to make me cringe. I totally saw my "office wife" nod in the affirmative when Gloria said that sometimes the poses that we like the least are the ones that we need to do the most.

Melinda would totally agree with this quote by Paris Hilton that Gloria read at the beginning of class:

The way I see it, you should live every day like it's your birthday.

One of the most memorably moments from the class, besides grunting from the newbies, was a post-savasana Gloria saying: Make a beautiful spine and the sun from the sky light falling across her face.

Can Feel The Warmth of The Coffee Cup That I Will Have In My Hands...

It Smells Like Play-Doh or Stuff People Say To Me, VII

I couldn't do that -- counting calories and watching everything I eat -- but kudos to you.

My nephew, Dylan, while we were at a wedding reception for one of our aunts

It smells like Play-Doh.

Dylan's comment about my Margaritaville hummus.

Me: Is that Chobani pineapple?

Melinda: Yes.

Me: Did you get it from Target on Chippewa?

Melinda: Yes. The woman at Target said they disappear really fast. I told her that's because of my coworker...

Don't forget: don't unclip the last two.

Helga to me as I seconded a route. I'm very glad that she reminded me.

You looked like you were afraid that you were going to fall. That's my job. That's what I'm here for...

Patti reminding me of her belayer responsibilities as I struggled on a route.

Associate: I missed you on Saturday.

Me: (Crumpled brow)

Associate: At the naked bike ride.

Me: (explosive laughter)

Climber: It's nice to watch someone else climb when you're trying to figure out a route. I did what she just did on that part but she's (Patti) a lot more graceful.

A climber waiting for the autobelay. The guy is completely right; Patti is a graceful climber.

I was cheering for you (as I climbed "Dig In"), spit flew out of my mouth then came back and hit me in the face.

We were talking about oddness and Laura gave me an example of the odd things that happen to her.

I'm a breathing coach too...

Massage therapist

The skinny people who complain about needing to lose weight...we should force feed them lard.

A friend who's trying to lose weight

The Gospel According to Melinda Frances

The gospel without preamble:

It’s just so quiet; it stresses me out.

Once the pool opens, I can swim, tan and drink.

Kids stress me out; they make too much noise.

M: I don't want to be pregnant.

Me: Okay Jillian Michaels.

M: Who's Jillian Michaels?

I want to be besties with Paris Hilton and Michelle Obama.

Whatever happened to being a classy lady?

They called me "The Hot Mess Express" in college.

M: I want to open a restaurant called "Street Food." I shouldn't have to go to Prague to get a fried cheese sandwich.

Me: You can make your own fried cheese.

M: I can make my own burrito but I still like to go to Qdoba.

Melinda: I was supposed to be named Veronica and I think I would have made a good one.

Me: What do you think are the qualities of a Veronica?

Melinda: Sassy...fun...

Me: Is she nuttier than a fruitcake?

Melinda: Mmmmmm, cake.