With Ambivalence

On Saturday, went to hang out with my yoga classmates; it ended up being much longer than I had planned but it was a relaxing evening and I enjoyed talking with them and the chores can wait another week, month...

As we talked, my classmate Camille said that she was missing book club. Upon further discussion, Camille mentioned that they had read The Bluest Eye and I said that it really took listening to the audio version for me to fully appreciate this book. Camille asked if Morrison read her own book. Yes, I responded.

My yes lead me to listen to audio clips of The Bluest Eye and Song of Solomon. Hearing Morrison's voice was so sweet and it made me feel at ease.

After a month-long hiatus, went swimming last night. What I love about the latter part of the year is that the water is just a tad bit warmer. Don't really enjoy that open swim is moved back to 7:30 p.m. in the fall but I deal with it. I totally missed the water and my body felt properly stretched and in alignment afterward...

There's this woman who attends Zumba classes on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. I asked her tonight how she was doing and she said, with an ambivalent face, okay. I related.

Listened to about 40 minutes of the Kryptonite for the Inner Critic, Self-Compassion Series episode of 10% Happier then I moved on to different podcasts. For some reason, I gave it another try today and it was just what I needed.

Towards the end of yoga teacher training, I remember how Stacy said that she felt more generous and didn't feel the need to be so insular.

I'm not feeling very generous and after listening to most of Kryptonite, I know that's okay but I'm also looking forward to being more than okay.

My Cue

Got to yoga class ten minutes before start time and most people had already set up their yoga nests so I was left with a front and center spot -- it was either front and center or take the back of the bus position so I sat up front.

Noticed the father who brings his daughter, who is about 10, to class. She is the only child in a room full of adults and I think about how fierce she's going to be. Fierce in that sense that Emma Slater talks about in the August issue of Yoga Journal.

I also noticed a change in my mental resilience: I became so much more positive, and little daily setbacks didn't faze me anymore...

And the young one will also be fierce because her father spends quality time with her...

My father once called one of his sisters the world's oldest teenager and he could say that because he had teenage tendencies but I know that I have been on such solid ground for so long because of the time that my father spent with me...

Joy loves to tell us to stop whatever story line we have going and tonight she went on to talk about how we tell ourselves the same harsh stories 80 something percent of the time and how we talk to ourselves in ways that we wouldn't talk to other people.

I have to say that I became much better at self-compassion after reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project so I'm less prone to speak harshly to myself but I still appreciate reminders. Thank you Gretchen...

Joy's line of the night at the front end of savasana:

And now you're the softest human being on the planet.

That was my cue to stop engaging my muscles and to, in general, let go.

In By 7, Out by 8 or Month-End Review, June

As I came to the end of my swim session last night, this woman patiently sat on the bench next to "my" lane. I knew that the lifeguard had told her them I'm usually out by 8:00 p.m.

Got out of the pool at the expected time and headed for the shower. As I prepared to dress, realized that I had forgotten my undergarments. Guess that I need to refer to my swimming checklist more often because I cannot go without a bra.

Wanting to go by the grocery store, I draped my heavy towel around my neck. Problem solved and thank goodness the weather has been mild. Of course, I ran into someone that I knew at the store.

Listened to StoryCorps as I walked home and this child with Asperger's Syndrome interviewed his mom. Who is your mortal enemy? His mom: I would say myself.  Wasn't expecting that answer but it was another reminder to practice self-compassion.

Review of the Month:


10 Minute Solution: Fitness Ball Workouts
*Upper Body, 1 x

10 Minute Solution: HITT
*HITT 101, 1 x

Bicycling, 4 x's

Climbing, 2 x's

Dance It Off & firm up!
*Rock It, 1 x

Ellen Barrett Live: Super Fast Body Blast, 1 x

Just Walk: mix + match
*Short & Sweaty, 3 x's

Just Walk: Walk to the Hits, Party Songs
*Mile 2, 1 x

Just Walk: The Tone Every Zone Walk*
*Circuit Workout 1 (Walk Segment & Upper Body Zone), 1 x

Stretch Max
*Stability Ball, 1 x

Swimming, 7 x's

How To Drape Your Towel

Walk of Fat Fast*
*30 Minute Big Burn, 1 x

Walking, 16 x's

Weight Watchers: 7 Day Tone & Burn
*Tone, 1 x

Yard Work (including mowing), 3 x's

Yoga, 9 x's

Zumba, 4 x's


*Disclosure: complimentary copy