The Geyser

In the dream last night, I looked under my mother's car which had really clean, new parts under the hood and, yet, there was a geyser in the area of the radiator.

After giving the dream some thought, I knew that the geyser was me.

I had a meltdown at work and said something that surpassed all the inappropriate things that I've ever said at work.

My nerves are usually thin by Thursday and I know that so I feel like I should have handled the situation differently but, anyway, it happened and as Dr. Phil says -- Once you ring the bell, you can't unring it...

My YogaQuote for the day is pretty cool. 

Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as bird wings... -Rumi

Just Hot Milkshakes

I went to check out Sapphire last night at UMSL. It was dark when I hit the campus and the signage sucked. I went inside of the athletic center to ask for directions. See, I'm obsessed with athleticism even when I don't intend to exercise.

I found a building that looked like a student center and as soon as I started walking, this guy starting blowing his horn at me.

The Guy: I'm looking for an artist, um, Sparrow.

Me: Sapphire. I think this building is the Millennium Student Center.

And I was hoping that it was the MSC because there was still no signage.

After Sapphire's reading, I waded through the crowd to say hello since I met her years ago when I was coordinating a series featuring writers. I wrote in a previous post how Push resonated with me.

I remember having coffee with Sapphire and getting my favorite drink back then, a cafe mocha. That mocha was in a rather tall glass too. When I think about the junk that I consumed and how often I indulged, I just shake my head. As Dr. Phil says, I don't care what you call them -- frappuccino, mappuccino -- they're all just hot milkshakes.

When Sapphire saw me she said:

You still look the same.

Then she scanned me.

You've toned up?

Remembering my hot milkshake made me think of Gabourey Sidibe who plays Precious in the movie based on Push. Sidibe says that she is content with her weight. Others are taking polls to, no pun intended, weigh in on her weight.

No one can force or shame another person to lose weight. I've had people try many angles -- from name calling to bringing up my maternal grandmother's heart attack and neither one of those tactics worked.

People have to be ready to embark on their own fitness journey and no amount of polls or insults will change that reality.

Here's Sidibe on Oprah talking about learning to love herself.

Looking Like A Pusher

As I was walking down the hall at work, I ran into the complimentary colleague again and she said, Really, I almost didn't recognize you yesterday. You're doing such a good job...

I heard through the grapevine that The Wreck Center had evening open swim again. The Wreck Center is my nickname for one of St. Louis city's recreation centers and it's a wreck because the information on the website is outdated, the lifeguards like to rough house with the kids and water might get slammed in your face by a kid displacing water with a kick board. There are other reasons it's a wreck but I still like the joint.

I called before I headed out today and, sure enough, The Wreck Center was open until 6 p.m. When I got there, some kids from the MO School For The Blind were already in the pool. I waited until they got out because that's what I had been told was the rule before. So, I swam from about 5 to 5:55 p.m.

I practiced on my front crawl breathing and was surprised when the lifeguard asked me if I was a teacher.

Me: No, I've been swimming for about a year and a half.

Lifeguard: I would have never guessed. You have a graceful stroke.

Me: Thanks.

Internally, I was saying wow. I had actually been feeling self-conscious -- thinking that I was looking clumsy and awkward.

I remember watching an episode of Dr. Phil and he said that we think we have a target on our backs, but we don't...

As I was leaving, the same lifeguard told me that she was looking for someone to train with and wants someone that will push her. Ha, ha. She wants to train for some triathlon in Naperville, IL.

I must look like a pusher.

Rx For Tension

The thrill of Winter/Spring swimming is over. Not only have the hours for open swim changed at The Wreck Center but the kids are out of school and spending lots of time at the pool. More adults are present too.

I approached Madame D on her throne where she was turning a cheddar popcorn bag upside down. That woman snacks all the time but she doesn't have an ounce of body fat which reminds me of the time that Dr. Phil was on Oprah and said Don't worry about people with good metabolisms because that ain't you.

I asked Dana if she had seen my swimming suit which I had left in haste on Monday. She had seen my suit and it was tucked away in one of the lockers. I put it on and realized that it was showing signs of wear and tear. It's also has more slack even though I've already made some alterations, albeit jacked-up ones, to it.

Dana was nice enough to open up two lanes so I was able to get some laps in despite the water being wavy as all get out. At a quarter to 6, Madame D starting blowing her whistle and evicted everyone from the pool.

It was an abbreviated workout which was okay because I didn't have a lot of energy and the few laps that I did get in helped to relieve some tension.

As I headed to the locker room, this woman said I saw you doing your thing. I told her that she could do her thing too. No, I can't and I won't; I'm afraid of water. I wanted to continue the conversation but she had kids to round up. I think it's cool that her fear of water is not preventing her from bringing the kiddos to the pool.

Au Revoir Blue Pants

My Aunt Al recently asked me how much weight I had lost. A smile spread across my face because her question coincided with my 50 pound milestone.

You're going to have to get a new wardrobe.

I made a sound similar to a guffaw. My aunt was wonderfully optimistic to think that I could wear the same clothes.

If I had known then (May 2007) what I know now, I would have done a few things differently while embarking on this weight loss journey.

I have a ring that my Aunt Al gave me. I had it resized (pre-journey) since it was too small. Of course, the ring is now too big. I treated myself to a Silpada ring and the moment I purchased the ring, I realized it was an unwise choice.

When I bought this pair of pants, I could not wear them.

Then, I skipped completely over this size. Au revoir blue pants.

I did make one savvy purchase at the ScholarShop. I saw black C. J. Banks pants, practically new, with a $3.00 price tag but, wait, it was half off day and I was able to take the Banks home for $1.50. Those pants are now saggy but they made perfect transition pants.

These polka dot shirts amuse me. I like the playful pattern and I've been able to find them on sale at the end of summer. All of these shirts are different sizes.


Outerwear, underwear, spectacles, shoes and swimming suits are among the ill-fitting items that I possess.

When I mentioned to my counselor friend that my sunglasses no longer hug my face, she said:

That's proof that you cannot have everything.

I wonder if she talks to her clients in this way. Hunh, and she claims to dislike Dr. Phil's approach.

ScholarShop