Plankgate

This new yogi got into a pose and wanted to know what it was called.

That's downward facing dog someone said.

If it's downward then why am I up?

I started cracking up. She was serious but it was funny the way she asked.

Dana summoned me over to her mat. She wanted me to pack up and move next to her because she was sure that the woman with stinky feet would come and "sit" next to her. But you can't giggle she said. Isn't that a backhanded invitation? And, of course, I get the urge to giggle most when someone tells me not to and how cute of Dana to think that I was so fresh. My feet had been inside of my shoes all day. Well, for feet that had been inside of shoes, they were okay.

So, I put my mat next to Dana's even though I was now in close quarters in between Dana and Caroline. I managed not to giggle except for when our teacher had us do mini-planks and cobra then commented on his student who taught the class the previous week.

He talked to the student about planks which she tried to annihilate us with. Dana said that her arms were sore for three days after plankgate...

I Knew It...or More Stuff People Say to Me

Me: I strain to hear the teacher.

Opal: Honey, I don't even try that anymore. I just look at Dana and follow her; she's been doing yoga for a long time.

Me to Lifeguard: So, what are your tips for front crawling breathing?

Lifeguard demonstrates then: I think you just need to make a goofy face.

You're running kind of late, aren't you?

Lifeguard to me as I arrived at the pool at 8:30 p.m.

You still have time to get your workout in.

Gentlemen to me. I got to the pool at about 7:15; it closed at 8

I knew it.

A response from a friend at work who asked me if I was going to have Papa John's pizza -- provided by work during preparations for a special event. I said no.

What's your name? That's my sister.

Someone would climb then belay then someone would hold Keri's baby. When it was my turn, Celeste's big sister approached me -- probably wondering who the stranger was holding her infant sister.

I like how when she's taking it easy, she does routes that we find challenging.

Leah's Mike on how Leah was taking it easy by top rope climbing but still rocking 5.9's and 5.10's while nursing her shoulder.

Gratuitous Picture of Leah When She Wasn't Nursing Anything

No one wants to be up front...Even the instructor falls and he tells us not to base our practice on someone else's.

Dana re: her crowded Sunday yoga class and how everyone wants to be in the back of the class.

Lisa: You make interesting moves when you climb. I just hop to the next hold. Hop like a bunny.

Me: What's your Chinese zodiac sign?

Lisa: I don't know: Bunny. Asshole...

Me: (Lots of laughing)...

Interesting First Move or Interesting Composition -- You Decide

I did a century both days.

An Upper Limits staff member who was having a conversation with Patti and me after spotting Patti's MS T-shirt

Poser Ambitions

I had forgotten that I had a book tucked under my arm until Brandi asked me what I was reading. I showed her the cover and she almost flinched. Is it self-serving?, she wanted to know. I told her that there was a point that if I heard co-op etc. one more time, that I was going to put the book down. In addition, Dederer also dabbles in a bit of self-deprecation about being "educated, white, liberal and well-intentioned."

Brandi told me that she was reading Half Broke Horses and that it was pretty good. Poser, I said, grew on me. Brandi said she doesn't have that much patience. If a book doesn't win her over in 40 pages, she's outta there...

After the book grew on me, I settled in and enjoyed reading about Dederer, her career, family and childhood which she usually explored in five Child's Pose chapters.

Perhaps because her parents are writers, Dederer's young daughter Lucy has a way with words. After the family moves from Seattle to Colorado, Lucy has a rough day at school and tells her mom:

Thank goodness you're so big. That way I fit into your lap. (252)

I think I feel the same way that Dederer does about yoga at home.

Home practice sucked. The gestures and movements that were so thrilling in class seemed flat and dull when done at home alone. In class, tension hummed in the room as bodies moved in and out of shaped, failed, succeeded, breathed. There was a feeling that you were participating in a very slow but very real transformation. At home, the same movements became mere stretching exercises -- the boring part of PE. (261-262)

At one point, Dederer shows her friend, Lisa, the handstand that she has been working on for a quite a while and Lisa, without any hesitation, kicks up into a handstand and, later on, completely immerses herself in yoga. Dederer writes: She had turned into a human parlor trick. (150)

I can relate to Lisa (not the parlor trick part) which is why I'm on my third book about yoga. Yesterday, when I went to yoga, I, first, did my best not to look in Dana's direction until after class and, after class, she told me that she did everything to avoid my eyes during a spinal twist. Of course, the woman next to me, Dee, was funny too. She breathes heavily as if she is dispensing with loads of tension and she also finds my muttering (while trying to do a really splity pose) amusing.

This passage also rang true:

People think yoga is boring. This is one of the big raps against it. And it is, if you're not concentrating. If you fling yourself into the pose, and let your mind wander, and merely tolerate the experience, yoga is, in fact, extremely boring. But if you concentrate hard, boredom opens up and the pose becomes the most interesting thing on earth, in fact the only thing on earth. The more you practice dharana, the simpler the world gets. There's just you and the thing on which you are bending your attention. (152)

If nothing else, after yoga, I feel like my body has gone from constricted to pliable. It's even more transformative than that; I feel as if I were blown glass -- heated and twisted. More viable.

Who Not To Put Your Mat Next To or Month-End Review, August

Went to yoga yesterday. The person next to me got tickled because we were working with straps and I thought we were finished with a sequence. My leg was all over the place and she started giggling then I started giggling and I was barely able to rein the giggles back in. During savasana, I had the urge to giggle again and I just thought: Don't look at Dana. Next, I realized that I cannot have my mat next to Dana's anymore. We're usually not next to each other but someone was absent and the rest is history.

Dana was on the same page and after class she said I can't be next to you. We started giggling again. Funny thing, I had kind of a miserable Tuesday so maybe I needed the laugh. No one really gave us dirty looks either. I guess regular yoga sometimes turns into laughing yoga if you're in a group.

In addition to yoga, I did:

10 Minute Solution: Best Belly Blasters!

Bikini Belly, 1 x

Dancer's Abs, 1 x

Six Pack Ab Attack, 1 x

10 Minute Solution: Dance Your Body Thin!

Smooth and Sexy Moves

10 Minute Solution: Fitness Ball Workouts

Firm Flat Abs, 1 x

10 Minute Solution: Pilates for Beginners*

Core Basics

10 Minute Solution: Tone Trouble Zones!

Arm and Shoulder Sculpt, 1 x

Sleek and Sexy Abs, 2 x's

Stretching, 1 x

CrossFit Basic Training, 5 x's



Personal Training with Jackie: Power Circuit Training

15-Minute Upper Body Circuit, 5 x's

Personal Training with Jackie: Crunch-Free Xtreme Abs

Standing Crunch-Free, 1 x

Rock Climbing, 6 x's


Swimming, 10 x's


Walking, 11 x's


Yoga, 5 x's


Wii Fit, 1 x


Hope your workouts were not all work. What did you enjoy the most this month?


*Disclosure: I received Pilates for Beginners without charge.

A Whole New Swimming World

The pieces have been gradually falling into place but something finally clicked. I did 21 laps and they were, by far, the best laps that I've ever done. For the most part, I get front crawl breathing. I had a few times were I sputtered towards the end of the lane but that was about it. I feel so much more comfortable.

I've been trying to breathe so carefully and so deliberately and, really, the breathing is not as exaggerated as I imagined. Just a simple lifting of the head and your body (being the miraculous entity that it is) just takes the oxygen that it needs.

I've wondered how people do lap after lap of the front crawl and I fought so hard to do just one lap -- trying to calm myself and rest before I ventured out and stuck my head under the water. I wondered how Jessica could fly down the lane and why Dana looked at me as if I were crazy when she asked Are you having trouble with breathing?

I've been overthinking it people. Overthinking it way too much. I made a mountain out of a molehill.

Ironically, chatty Kathleen was at the pool and I haven't seen her in ages. Serendipity. Circles. I find all of it amazing.

The reason I even signed up for a YouTube account is because there was this one video that captured Olympians breathing underwater. I got tired of searching for it and once I signed up for a Tube account, I didn't have to search anymore.


I kept thinking of this Edward M. Forster quote:

Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.

I've been teaching myself the shape of the spoon and I've been coloring in between the lines.

I feel like my accomplishment today has opened up a whole new swimming world. Now, I just need to work on treading. I will not overthink it but I won't promise not to look at any videos because I've already watched quite a few and I know where to find them because they're in my YouTube favorites.

Inaugural Outdoor Swim

I went by Marquette Pool this morning to see what was going on because when I went by there on Tuesday, the only water I saw was the dew on the grass even though city pools were slated to open on June 15th. I was delighted to see water this morning.




I gathered my swim gear and headed for the pool immediately after work. To say that the pool was crowded is an understatement but most people were in the shallow end.

In addition to the people in the pool, there were quite a few folks hanging around the gate.

I actually stood by the gate for quite awhile trying to decide if I should just go to afternoon swim in Mehlville. I began to see little strips of spots to swim. I also had my eye on the deep end -- the perfect spot for laps. But how deep was the water? I definitely need to work on my treading skills and depth won't be an issue.

I asked where the locker room was after someone told me that I could not go in the gym which was not my intended destination anyway. After I changed, I came out and was greeted by Dana who is usually at The Wreck Center. I cannot tell you how nice it was to see a familiar face. Dana said that she had been trying to get my attention but I had been so deep in thought that I hadn't heard her.

She asked me if I was going to do laps in the deep end and that sealed the deal. I got in the water and was surprised by the coolness. It was 97 degrees outside but the sun hadn't had a chance to work its magic yet.

I was in the pool for about two minutes when a fight broke out. Everyone had to get out of the pool as security and the lifeguards tried to break it up.

After the fight, the lifeguards never returned to the deep end. I swam for a little bit longer but didn't stay in the shallow end long; there was too much activity and not enough space. I didn't bother to change clothes. As I was leaving, I saw Paris, a lifeguard from The Wohl Center. It was nice to see him as well.

The swimming pool is wonderfully situated. The trees are a nice backdrop and it was amazing doing the back crawl while looking at the clouds and clear sky.


It was sad, though, that the opening of the pool was marred by violence. Those kids would be better served by taking the free swimming lessons that Marquette offers or taking that aggression into, at least, a boxing ring.

Rx For Tension

The thrill of Winter/Spring swimming is over. Not only have the hours for open swim changed at The Wreck Center but the kids are out of school and spending lots of time at the pool. More adults are present too.

I approached Madame D on her throne where she was turning a cheddar popcorn bag upside down. That woman snacks all the time but she doesn't have an ounce of body fat which reminds me of the time that Dr. Phil was on Oprah and said Don't worry about people with good metabolisms because that ain't you.

I asked Dana if she had seen my swimming suit which I had left in haste on Monday. She had seen my suit and it was tucked away in one of the lockers. I put it on and realized that it was showing signs of wear and tear. It's also has more slack even though I've already made some alterations, albeit jacked-up ones, to it.

Dana was nice enough to open up two lanes so I was able to get some laps in despite the water being wavy as all get out. At a quarter to 6, Madame D starting blowing her whistle and evicted everyone from the pool.

It was an abbreviated workout which was okay because I didn't have a lot of energy and the few laps that I did get in helped to relieve some tension.

As I headed to the locker room, this woman said I saw you doing your thing. I told her that she could do her thing too. No, I can't and I won't; I'm afraid of water. I wanted to continue the conversation but she had kids to round up. I think it's cool that her fear of water is not preventing her from bringing the kiddos to the pool.

All Eyes On Me

I went to The Wreck Center and one of the staff members asked me if I had come to swim. Open swim is over with but you can participate in senior aerobics.

Just how did I get out of the loop? And, no, I had no desire, nada, none to do water aerobics. To add insult to injury, one of the girls who attends swimming lessons piped in we already swam. I could see evidence of the pool as she had little droplets in her hair and on her face. As I was talking to them, Dana waved from the office and told me that she had been waiting for me. She would let me swim since the time had changed abruptly.

I went to the locker room, changed then waited. I saw the sunlight beaming through the windows and I saw the still water; paradise was within reach. I waited and wondered what had delayed Dana.

I finally gained entrance. Dana opened the back door and all of the windows. I had the pool all to myself. After Dana finished her tasks, I was outdone that she chose the highest poolside chair. Are you kidding me? The chairs are so odd and ancient. And I? I felt completely self-conscious. I felt as if Dana was a hawk waiting to swoop down.

I didn’t even want to do the front crawl because, in all honesty, I feel like this little girl has breathing down better than I do.



I felt as if I was taking a final exam and that Dana would be grading my performance. I know that she’s seen me struggle with the front crawl and I know what she expects from the kids. Finally, my arms started aching from relying on the back crawl and sidestroke so I switched up and did the front crawl for awhile.

I try not to get frustrated about this whole FC thing. After all, it hasn’t even been a year since I took my first class and I know that frustration won't help my cause.

As it was nearing 6 p.m., I headed in Dana’s direction so that I could put the divider up. She asked me a few questions about my breathing pattern and offered a few tips. She suggested that I slow down and not take my breath too fast as I turn to the side to breathe. I was looking up at her in that high chair and hanging on to every word.