14 Days Ago

Last weekend marked my one-year anniversary of graduating from yoga teacher training. I have no regrets...

What to say?  A lot has changed in the 14 days since I last posted. As with most cities, just about everything is on shut down.

Up until last Wednesday, I had not heard of Zoom and now that's all I hear about. Many yoga teachers have headed online as they try to salvage their businesses.

I had planned to take a couple of PTO days before everything got super scary and, as usual, my days off are usually dedicated to getting some task taken care of. My car needed rear brakes and I kept losing air in a tire etc. The chimney also needed work. Kept thinking that maybe I should have postponed the chimney repair but it's done now.

In addition to daily yoga, I've been ending my evenings by getting into a restorative posture while listening to a guided mediation provided by the folks at 10% Happier.

I'm also trying to take the hand-washing as a moment to breathe a little deeper.

I read somewhere that the world as we know it has changed. Ain't that the truth?

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A post shared by Brené Brown (@brenebrown) on Mar 21, 2020 at 7:22pm PDT

Rolling Out

Alison usually goes with me to Art in Bloom but she was camping. I had also invited an aunt and her friend. The friend couldn't go and my aunt called to say that she had had a doozy of a week and didn't want to go. I invited one more person and when that didn't pan out, decided to go by myself.

Surprisingly, I left the house at 11:00 a.m. and it turned out to be a good time as I was able to park relatively close. Plus, the museum wasn't packed. I got a  map and slowly worked my way through the museum.

People were in a good mood the way they are when on vacation. Ran into a few people that I know and think that I saw just about every floral arrangement. Art in Bloom turned out to be a good way to decompress.

Afterward... did yard work, picked up my bike, went to the grocery store, cleaned the fish tank, washed and braided my hair. It was a full Saturday...

Rolled out today and went to one of the fancier locations of my climbing gym because they had $5 dollar passes for women in honor of International Women's Day.  It was so nice to have a wider variety of routes and to be in a more spacious gym...

A few of my faves from Art in Bloom.

Accidental hue as my camera's got shifted as I juggled belongings.

Tanking...

In an effort to not sink into despair, I've visited the orchid show three times and I just finished reading Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion.

A little over a month ago, I agreed to sub for a yoga class at the studio where I took my training. It's amazing how you feel somewhat competent and how you feel that you have plenty of time to prepare and then a  month turns into hours and then it turns into go-time.

When I got to the studio, checked the roster then set-up. It was comforting to know that one of my YTT classmates, Camille, would attend. Camille showed up with a mini bouquet and that's so Camille -- very thoughtful...

It definitely was not the smoothest class that I've taught. I struggled with describing a prop placement and I failed to realize that I had chosen a playlist that was too short. Camille was reassuring and when I got back in my car, the Super Soul Conversations podcast with Amy Schumer was right at the point where Oprah asks Amy Schumer if she's ever tanked and Schumer says absolutely:

"You have to do bad to do better...You have to realize all of your fears on stage...I have no fears anymore because they all came true...You get better when you work hard; there's no exceptions to that..."

The micro bouquet that Camille brought...

Moments Of...

Signed up for a book discussion of Skill in Action this past Friday but when Friday arrived, I  questioned my sanity for signing up for a 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. event at the end of the week.

Would have felt guilty for not going and, therefore, not giving that space to someone else who might have wanted it so gathered my belongings and headed to the yoga studio hosting the event.

On the one hand, I regretted not signing up for the entire weekend. On the other hand, I know how fatigued the work week leaves me...

Listened to Lesson 19 from the Sharon Salzberg's Meditation Challenge. I've been so angry lately which made me pay closer attention as I listened while washing dishes.

Anger for example is not simply anger. It's moments of fear, moments of sadness, moments of frustrations, moments of helplessness.

These are concepts that I've heard before but, of course, when you're caught up in something it's difficult to think rationally...

Was not feeling very motivated on Saturday but pulled myself together because the weather was so nice. Went to the Orchid Show at the botanical guard then just walked around the garden for an hour and felt more like myself.

Also walked on Sunday plus tried to get on top of the weed situation in the backyard before things start flowering and that was very satisfying as well...

To Swim or Not To Swim

Did Qigong at work on Friday. It was my second time doing a session with an instructor and I felt relaxed afterward. Didn't come home for lunch because of the Qigong and realized how lucky I am to work close to home. The day felt extraordinarily long without my usual trip home...

Didn't feel like I had an ounce of energy today but I also didn't want to sit around the house all day so I went swimming after not having gone for two weeks. Saw the retired math teacher, Dale, who responded with a W.C. Fields quote after I responded to his inquiry about how I was doing. He then went on to tell me a joke about two camels who ate a comedian -- he tasted funny, said one camel. 

Asked the lifeguard if she'd seen my Fitbit. She looked in the safe and on the message/cork board which has tons of earrings and whatnot but there was no sign of my Fitbit. She went on to tell me how she'd changed her Apple watch band to a magnetic one because the original band was ill-fitting and the watch had slipped off her wrist several times. The lifeguard also told me how she'd cracked the screen several times. 

Oh well, I like my new Fitbit and hope to have it for several years as the Inspire feels more secure on my arm.

To Anchor

Guess the best way to describe how I've been feeling is shaken or, in today's parlance, shook.

Life has been interesting. Had an emotional conversation with a customer who said that our paid contractors complete the circle.

And yet another paid contractor brought me something for Chinese New Year with a poignant story about the red envelopes.

I've read that the red envelopes contain money to, literally, anchor the year.

Also, don't listen to This American Life much but I did listen to the episode The Show of Delights and it was, well, delightful. Should have known that Ross Gay would be on there. Tried to read his book last year but wasn't able to finish it. I definitely enjoyed him reading segments from the book on the podcast though.

A Beautiful Table

A couple of weeks ago made plans to meet Asmira on Friday but when the day rolled around, I felt exhausted but went anyway.

Asmira always sets a beautiful table. We ate and caught up and I was surprised when she expressed the same sentiment that I had been thinking earlier in the day about -- walking away from "it" all. Seriously, I just wanted to throw my hands up in defeat...

Had an Instagram message from one of my classmates about collaborating on a project in response to a violent and chaotic week. She wanted to take counteractive measures.

It was surreal interacting with two people who were experiencing the same level of intensity, frustration and sadness that I was experiencing...

In fact, my whole right side was aching from my IT band to my neck.

Stayed at home up until 1 on Saturday when I went in search of lunch and left the house again to attend a sound/yoga event.  It was a packed opening day event so really no room for any intense yoga. My body and mind felt better afterwards.

Totally thought this was coconut on top...

Asmira also told me that her Fitbit had fallen off five times before she lost it for good. So, in all things, we are not alone even though it feels that way at times.