Moments Of...

Signed up for a book discussion of Skill in Action this past Friday but when Friday arrived, I  questioned my sanity for signing up for a 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. event at the end of the week.

Would have felt guilty for not going and, therefore, not giving that space to someone else who might have wanted it so gathered my belongings and headed to the yoga studio hosting the event.

On the one hand, I regretted not signing up for the entire weekend. On the other hand, I know how fatigued the work week leaves me...

Listened to Lesson 19 from the Sharon Salzberg's Meditation Challenge. I've been so angry lately which made me pay closer attention as I listened while washing dishes.

Anger for example is not simply anger. It's moments of fear, moments of sadness, moments of frustrations, moments of helplessness.

These are concepts that I've heard before but, of course, when you're caught up in something it's difficult to think rationally...

Was not feeling very motivated on Saturday but pulled myself together because the weather was so nice. Went to the Orchid Show at the botanical guard then just walked around the garden for an hour and felt more like myself.

Also walked on Sunday plus tried to get on top of the weed situation in the backyard before things start flowering and that was very satisfying as well...

Rejoicing

Moonflower, I think...

Finished Tara Westover's Educated the other day and it's one of those books that sticks with you. Her upbringing sounded so unreal that I was glad that she put author's notes in there about it being fact-checked. Westover also consulted with siblings about memories and where the memories vary, there are footnotes.

Next, I'm on to reading How We Live Our Yoga...

I want to get my hands on the 1619 Project; it's free to read online but my visual stamina for reading on a device is not that great.

Listened to the 10% Happier episode about Sharon Salzberg's medical emergency. Dan Harris mentions something about taking two steps back and Salzberg says that those steps are never as far back as we think they are then asks Can we rejoice more (about accomplishments) instead of focusing on those "backward" steps?

The importance of rejoicing is always a hard lesson to learn.

Also listened to an 11 minute meditation with Sebene Selassie on 10% Happier. It was great and I'm thinking about subscribing to 10%...

I'm having another wild Friday night. I cut the grass, took a shower and did about 20 minutes of yoga.

The One-On-One

Gave in to the urge to return to the Sunday meditation class which, at 6:00 p.m., is not ideal for my Sunday travels but I do enjoy the class and I'm thinking about making adjustments to my schedule.

Thought going to meditation would also help with my nerves as I had my one-on-one with my yoga trainer, Stacy, on Monday night and the meditation did help. After the first guided meditation, we ventured into a full body tapping session...

One of my classmates messaged me hours before my one-on-one to encourage me which I thought was super sweet. She also told me that the one-on-one would be unlike the sessions during training when we got feedback; it would be more chill.

Had scheduled my one-on-one about a month ago and it's amazing how fast the time went by. I had done research, wrote my sequence and tested out poses but when it's go time, the sequence that you have in front of you feels so lackluster.

And, again, I think a huge key is to remember to allow people time to unwind and release without trying to rush... I did a restorative sequence with Stacy and it went well. I get a kick out of finding postures that are not often used in class and introducing them which I did during her session.

It was a relief to have the one-on-one in the books. I took a short breather and started thinking about my next sequence for my Wednesday Seva class...

For some reason, though, I was angry yesterday which was weird because I should have felt a longer sense of relief... Took an hour-long bath, read and slept solidly and my mood was better this morning.

Listened to Lesson 27 of Sharon Salzberg's Meditation Challenge twice since it discussed anger among other topics.

The Seva class went reasonably well today -- even though I still get nervous beforehand. Went to Zumba tonight and the teacher forgot parts of her routine and she joked "Don't pay attention to me; I'm just the instructor" -- which was my signal that everyone stutters.

People Of A Certain Type

Noticed a Qigong workshop being offered at a studio; it sounded interesting but I wondered if I really needed to go to every workshop that sparks my interest -- especially in the middle of a Saturday from 1:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. and on Easter Eve no less. 

I also get shy about going to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar people -- by myself. Deep down, though, I know that people who are seeking these type of workshops are people of a certain type. 

What sealed the deal is when the owner of the studio in question followed me, out of the blue, on my yoga Instagram account. For me, that was a sign that I should go.

When I looked at my visit history, I was surprised that the one and only time that I'd been to the studio was in Dec. of 2014 for a Winter Solstice celebration; it reminded me of something that Sharon Salzberg said in her recent talk with George Mumford about when she signs up for something on a website and scrolls down to her birth year -- she is gobsmacked that she needs to keep scrolling to get to the year like How did this age happen?

At any rate, the workshop was called Eliminating Worry with Spleen Qigong. About midway through participant introductions the facilitator, Valerie, said I haven't heard anybody mention worry. 

Worry is like a given, though, right?

Our first item on the agenda was a standing meditation and, I kid you not, Valerie starting talking about how if you were in China and went to the doctor, they'd prescribe bitter herbs and Qigong then she went on to say that we eat too much sugar and I felt like she was talking directly to me because I am out of control right now. 

You'll hear a lot of healers talk about stuck energy. My lower back has been talking to me for about three weeks now and after today's workshop, it felt better. Stuck energy?

Favorite line from the workshop:

"They're all energy systems and they (Yoga, Qigong, Reiki, Tai Chi) work."

The Third One

In recent dreams, I hear loud noises -- possibly gunshots and just maybe I'm not dreaming but I've also heard loud collisions in my dreams. According to Google, there's something called Exploding Head Syndrome. Okay...

Went climbing tonight and felt good about my outing and felt good about the last one. I've been mentally preparing myself for climbing and it has made a difference.

Took a salt bath and read more of Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight...

Earlier in the week, signed up for an event/conversation between Sharon Salzberg and George Mumford. At the time of the webinar, realized that I had to download an app so I aborted the mission but later on I got an email saying that the conversation would be available for viewing (today only) so I listened to it. Three things that stuck with me:

1). Nothing in life is a straight shot. Sharon Salzberg

2), A mistake is an event -- something that we can learn from; it's not an identification or badge. George Mumford

3). Everybody's life is so changeable. Sharon S.

The third one really sticks with me.

When Parched

I miss Salzberg's Meditation Challenge and had I known that lessons would remain active for a month or so, I would have not deleted most of them.

We take an intentional posture... Lesson #21

For the peeps (meaning Gingerzingi) who are missing the meditation challenge, here's a lovely one...

Went climbing on Wednesday and Patti told me that she needed to do more stretching and was looking to take up yoga again but wondered if her husband would join her. Patti did say that her daughter told her: He climbs because of you. He swims because of you and he bikes because of you. He'll do yoga too. Her daughter's words made my heart melt.

On Thursday I went to Gloria's again and we roasted fennel, beets and carrots according to a recipe in Thug Kitchen 101. I excused myself to go to the bathroom at one point when I heard a noise so weird that I reversed my direction and called out to Gloria to see if everything was okay. The verdict?

The oven door had shattered into hundreds of little pieces. Gloria calmly sent me back in the direction that I had gone. When I returned, she said I'm glad that I do yoga then we cleaned up the mess. I've only heard of shower doors shattering like that. Prior to going upstairs, I had been sitting right by the stove.

I'm getting better at making decisions and not second-guessing a situation. For example, one of my Zumba teachers forgot his water bottle. At the end of a routine, he encouraged people to grab water then said but he wouldn't be able to because, wahhhh, he had left his water bottle.

At first I discussed "the situation" a bit with a friend and she belongs to the same tentative club that I do but then I thought about how much I enjoy this teacher's class and how nice he is and so what if class was almost over with; I went and got the water, a small act for a teacher who is not leading Zumba classes for the money... I also know how it is when you start a workout and your water is, say, in the car. It's no fun to push when parched.

Repost from @lilycushman108 - It's still unbelievable to me that over 20K people participated in the challenge this month. Such a beautiful community that I'm honored to be a part of. All made possible by the magnitude of @sharonsalzberg and her continuous dedication for so many years. ♥️ Huge thanks to "Team Sharon" for working so hard behind the scenes to make things run smoothly all month long. 🤓 Special thanks to our co-teachers @lodrorinzler @kimberlyjbrown @ethannichtern @sebeneselassie and our hosts all month @mndflmeditation @nalandabodhi @theinterdependenceproject @shambhalanyc @brooklynyogaschool @newyorkinsight 😇 #commit2sit #realhappiness

A post shared by Sharon Salzberg (@sharonsalzberg) on Feb 28, 2017 at 10:40pm PST

Goings-on

This time last week I had already received an urgent text from my cousin about my aunt who she'd found on the floor. My aunt refused to go to the hospital and even refused to let my cousin call anyone but me to help get her off the floor.

When I told another aunt of the incident, she said Of course it's hard to get off the floor...

After my cousin told me about my aunt, my heart chakra was so tight and I still am not sure what to do with myself.

My aunt is feeling well enough to tell my cousin and me to go somewhere and sit down but she is still not out of the woods... Are any of us out of the woods?

There were also two other family members having medical issues which made for a really "interesting" week...

I ended up using over the counter allergy drops for my eyes and, wait for it, I had an allergic reaction to the allergy drops. My eyes are still itchy but at least they don't feel like they are on fire...

I liked the part in Salzberg's meditation lesson (#17), yesterday, when she said imagine your worries are like birds in your hands that fly away...

What Falafel Is Made Of

The watery part has subsided but I'm still waking up with itchy eyes. I usually give in and put two eye drops in and that usually does the trick for the rest of the day. It's like Groundhog Day.

I've been doing my meditation lesson at night a lot because I see the email then I forget. I like it when Salberg says Welcome back at the beginning of each lesson.

I really liked the body scan, lesson ten; those were the deepest breaths that I had taken in a while.

For the eating meditation, I did that one while eating a Cara Cara orange. These oranges are so amazing that I forgot about the whole pomegranate shortage or what seemed to be one anyway.

During the meditation, I squirted myself which was kind of cool because it was like the orange was affirming one of it's characteristics. It was also nice to take in the amazing aroma...

Today is my mother's birthday and several of us went to the Missouri Botanical Garden for Celebrate the Gospel.  We got into a conversation about Crazy Bowls and Wraps when my aunt Debbie asked me What is falafel? As I explained, she asked Where did this "child" come from? Haven't heard them ask that in a while.

Celebrate...

One of my favorite Salberg Instagram post; I need a set-up like this one:

Repost from @maemansfield - All the fixings for my daily meditation. #commit2sit #day7 #28daysofmeditation #realhappiness #holistichealth #holisticlifestyle

A photo posted by Sharon Salzberg (@sharonsalzberg) on Feb 9, 2017 at 10:20pm PST

Somber Morning

The sound you heard in your neighborhood this morning was the sound of me sobbing in Negril.

Headed to get water from a cooler and didn't want to make eye contact with a Jamaican worker who was watching election results but when he managed to catch my eyes, he hissed Motherfuckers. I was embarrassed to be American at that moment.

Pulled myself together and headed to the lobby where Crissy handed me a note. She had given me a sweet note yesterday and explained that she was a second grade teacher and one of her parents was in the habit of sending her notes.

My Note

Joy hadn't watched the news and someone told her the results and I started sobbing again. Karen rubbed my back and told me to come and talk to her when I was ready. Debbie held my hand and Courtney, the other Black woman on the trip, gave me. a loving but firm pep talk.

Joy said something, including life goes on and we headed down the street to do yoga.

Joy immediately addressed the election and acknowledged that many of us were sad but also acknowledged that someone might also be happy with the results. She also talked about compassion for all including DT and how something good might come out of this situation in the end.

I cried in class as did Debbie who later told me that she thought about all the women in her family from her grandmother to her granddaughter but she also acknowledged that many in her family,  because of Catholicism, had voted for DT.

The class was exactly what many of us needed -- the right music, essentially oil, tone etc. Joy ended class by saying Don't fall for the habitual sidestep of your feelings. Feel. Absorb. Heal. Move on. Hold space for yourself...

Got an email from Alison telling me to enjoy the rest of my vacation and got another email saying "we're doomed" and yet another saying that it was really scary that DT had gotten elected. I also had someone ask me about the Negril situation and maybe we could do an EatPrayLove thing for a couple of years on a limited budget.

Later on, another yogi told me "All good things come to an end and all bad things come to and end." We also talked about how HC possibly could have done more by, say, going to Wisconsin or how we could have done more by campaigning or donating more money.

Someone also said that maybe DT's presidency might be like a Ferguson, MO moment. We also talked about how many pro-life people voted for DT but we also talked about how being pro-life covers a wide swath of lives.

I keep thinking about June Jordan and Sonia  Sanchez's poems about sadness. To quote Jordan, My sadness sits around me.

Stone I picked this a.m. -- supposed to help with bouncing back from sorrow etc...

Listening

As I prepared to leave the house yesterday, I instinctively put on one of my Life Is Good t-shirts but I took it off because I didn't feel right wearing it.

It also doesn't feel right that one person can distinguish the lights of 49 people...

I walked to work this morning even though the humidity was already impressive. Finished listening to an On Being episode, The Losses and Laughter We Grow Into, with Kevin Kling who was born with a withered left arm; just to make life even more challenging Kling is left with a paralyzed right arm after an accident.

Learned about Krista Tippett's new project, Becoming Wise, while listening to Kling. I downloaded the Matthew Sanford episode, Compassion for Our Bodies. Sanford became paralyzed (waist down) after an accident at the age of 14. I love what he said about the body's ability to heal.

Your body, for as long as it can, will be faithful to living.

I listened to a lot of wise words today including Sharon Salzberg's.

In the wake of the Orlando shooting, Sharon is offering a mindfulness meditation for coping with tragedy on @mindbodygreen ❤️🌎❤️

A photo posted by Sharon Salzberg (@sharonsalzberg) on Jun 13, 2016 at 9:19am PDT

An Odd Thing

I've been so quiet that I remembered something that I haven't thought about in a long time.

A former colleague lost her child and a carload of us went to the funeral and I had forgotten my music (nothing jarring) which I wanted to play and Sharon, an art therapist and Healing Touch practitioner, said something like There's a time to be reflective...

And reflective is what I've been since Mike Brown's August 8th death. Reflective and tense especially last night as I watched the news while scrolling through my Twitter feed and seeing breaking news from the New York Times that the autopsy results had been released and that Brown had been shot at least six times...

I hadn't planned on being reflective but Alison asked me if I would dog-sit. Because of clutter, my environment is not suitable for a dog so Alison said that I could do the sitting at her house. Of course, it would have been easier for me if I had chosen my crib but, yeah, clutter so I packed up and stayed at Alison's over the weekend.

I was without a computer although I did have my iPod.

Read nonfiction, watched out for the hummingbird, looked through cookbooks, observed Marge in savasana. A lot.

The Elusive One

Realized that I drink water much better if it's super cold.

Realized that I've been overeating, big time, but did not overeat at Alison's as I took only a few snacks. Although I had permission to glean from the pantry, freezer and tomato patch, I was just satisfied and didn't keep shoveling food into my mouth. Not sure what made me start shoveling again...

Realized how smart Alison is for setting up her house to be super comfortable. And Alison? She's hospitable even when she's not at home. When I told Hazira about Alison's hospitality. She said, Of course, she's European.

Marge Perfecting Savasana

Female Woodpecker

Sharon Salzberg was featured in the Prevention that I packed in my weekend bag. Salzberg says Even in the midst of chaos, the breath is one of our most dependable resources for staying centered. Not sure about the whole centered thing right now but remembering to breathe keeps my neck and jaw from being so tight and keeps me from feeling like my heart is in my throat which is an odd thing to choke on...