The Gospel According to Patti

That's Patti a.k.a The Tenacious One over to the left -- lead climbing a route outdoors and what follows below is her gospel.

Do your hands ever get sore?, I asked in child-like wonder. My hands get so tender while climbing at times.

Patti turned her hands over and discussed the merits of calluses that have fallen off. Yeah, they get sore but I just don't talk about them because my knees are sore, my back is sore and my elbows are sore. Your problem is that you're not sore enough....

If I start it, I'm going to climb it.

Mike and I were trying to figure out the The Skull Cracking route which had a challenging beginning. It looked impossible to start so we called Patti over. Patti is like that Mikey kid in the Life commercials; she'll climb anything and, sure enough, she did. Once the belay was off, Patti said, That one's all about balance.

I was attempting to climb Girl Power, a challenging 5.9 route. I had attempted it several times before I concluded that maybe I wasn't tall enough.

Patti: How tall are you?

Me: 5'3

Patti: I think you're taller.

Me: (Crumpled brow)

Patti: I certainly think I'm taller...

The move needs to be deliberate and controlled, more advice from Patti as I tried to ascend Girl Power, a 5.9 route.

What happened to muscle memory? Me after trying to get over the arête of Girl Power

Patti: You gave it new memory.

You know that part that you always get stuck on? Step on that rock instead, do a drop knee and it'll just shove you up to the top...

Patti's advice after I climbed Pacman Revival, a 5.9 route whose crux continued to baffle me.

After not being able to get over the arête of a route...

Me: Are you going to show me how to do it?

Patti: Well, I'm going to either show you how to do it or how not to do it.

The ladies at work told me that I'm a hypochondriac.

I told them that I'm a conversationalist and I talk about what ails me.

Patti: That's like a dangling modifier.

Me: Wow, I haven't heard that in awhile. Anybody see that comma splice? This conversation has really taken a turn for the worst.


Mike: No, it hasn't; we haven't talked about colons yet.

Patti: You're doing excellent. It took me a year to climb 5.9's and, if I weren't climbing better than you right now, I'd be disappointed since I've been climbing for three years.

If I don't say it enough, it's because I don't say stuff like that. Remind me in nine months and I'll tell you again.

Remember, I'm the cool one -- after Patti gave me advice on how to tackle a burly 5.9*

I always tell my kids it's all about the attitude.

Patti to me after a series of pep talks about climbing goals, not going against the grain of routes, having fun and not being hard on myself after I mentioned that I had hit the proverbial wall when it came to climbing.

Don't be a purist.

Patti to me after I struggled with Now That's More Like It, a 5.9 route; I insisted on going left even though I had lots of footholds on the right side. In addition, I didn't want to cheat my way up by using holds that didn't belong to the route.

Patti: I'm going to climb this (Now That's More Like It) even though it's hard.

Me: :o, That's mean.

Patti: (Chuckling) Are you still surprised about that now?




*Patti acknowledged her coolness after I told her what Gingersnapper wrote...

To Kill A Two-Headed Muscle

Patti and I decided to go rock climbing at 1 today since last Saturday it was crowded in the a.m. then thinned out around lunch time. It was still super crowded. Plus, there were some classes going on and, once again, my comfort routes were roped off or otherwise occupied.

I climbed the following routes:

5.6, Truxton or Bust
5.6, 5x
5.7, Sol (twice)
5.8, Bright Idea
5.8, JW
5.8, Face Plant
5.8b, And You're Ready Now? (About five attempts but no cigar)

I should rename And You're Ready Now? the biceps killer because it had the biceps in my right arm smarting for three days and there's new throbbing going on now. As I approached the route, I had butterflies similar to the ones that appeared when I was taking swimming lessons and my teacher wanted me to swim the length of the pool doing the front crawl. It's so frustrating because I know I have plenty of power in my legs but I just couldn't get my feet on these two holds that I needed to get over the arête.

When I approached my longtime nemesis Face Plant, Patti told me to just keep climbing, to not slow down and to have fun. I surprised myself by marching up Face Plant. I don't know how much fun I had though.

When I was headed up JW, I was waiting until a kid who was using the auto-belay got up to a certain point.

Patti: I think you'll be okay.

Me: Have you seen the way I climb all over (i.e. rainbow climbing) this route?

Patti: Yes, I belay for you. I've seen how you climb all over the route.

Ha, ha...

I headed up and managed not to collide with the kid.

As we were waiting for a 5.9 to clear for Patti, she said that she wished she had started climbing as a kid.

Me: I wish that I had learned to swim as a kid.

Me: I wish that I had taken Spanish classes more seriously...

As we were leaving, this pre-teen told me: I saw you rock climbing, you're good. That was so sweet of her to tell me.

Sometimes I forget about the kids up in the balcony area until I smell pizza or see balloons. I hope that the pre-teen will climb for many years to come at Upper Limits or at some other rock climbing joint.

Here's a father teaching his kid how to do a drop knee maneuver. If lil' shorty can do a drop knee, I should be able to do one too. Shouldn't I?

And You're Ready Now?

It's amazing what a crowded Upper Limits will force me to do. I had already climbed Truxton or Bust (5.6), A Bright Idea (5.8), An Early Winter's Frost (5.7), Face Plant (5.8), Sol (5.7) and a 5.8 with simply JW on it.

Patti: Where to?

Me: I can't believe that I'm saying this but the red route i.e. the And You're Ready Now?, a 5.8b route

I knew that I was facing an uphill battle but there was, literally, nowhere else to go.

I made one attempt. Went back down to get some tips from Patti who suggested that I do a drop knee, a concept that I don't quite get yet. Patti asked Jamie, an Upper Limits staff member, if he would explain the concept. Jamie was demure -- said that he wasn't a good explainer but he did give me some good tips. He said that he tells people to turn their hip. He also told me that I needed to get my hip into the wall. Yeah, I have a problem with my butt being pushed out when I do planks too.

Furthermore, Jamie advised me to kind of squat with my legs and have straight arms when I was, well, not climbing or at a pausing point. And I'm thinking I can squat; I've been doing that a lot in Cardio and Muscle class.

Jamie also said that it's counterintuitive but you should not be climbing energetically. And that's me -- in a nutshell. I tend to attack things when I take on something (like an elephant in a china shop).

I attempted And You're Ready Now? about five times but, apparently, I wasn't ready. LOL.

I was thinking about buying a chalk bag on Etsy but I was worried about the size. Earlier, I asked Patti if she remembered how tall her bag was and she said that I could check it out when we went climbing today. Surprise, surprise. Patti handed me a chalk bag and chalk ball from Jessica -- what a nice surprise.


Now, I just need to get a harness and I'll be an official rock climber.

In addition to calluses, I got another rock climbing memento from a drop knee of a different sort. I do need to be a little less energetic...



Check out this chica dropping knees all over the place.