On The Fourth Day of Yoga

My Monday night yoga teacher said that she would be subbing at another branch of my gym. I thought it would be nice to get all centered for, not only Christmas Eve, but for transitioning to 2012.

As I got out of my car, I saw other people emerge out of their cars with telltale mats in a variety of colors.

The instructor for Drills to Make You Sweat took her class up until the absolute last second. A little rude if you ask me.

Our yoga class was full but not uncomfortably so. There was a wife and husband with their son attending and I thought that was pretty cool...

So, I started yoga with Donna on Monday. Did Candlelight Restorative Yoga on Wednesday, Hot Yoga on Thursday and, as I ended my week with yoga, Donna was her usual supportive self telling us to honor our bodies and reminding us that:

Your breath is your power.

During my first class with the Yoga Nazi Jeremy, he told us that yogis have lived without food and without water but not without prana.

Okay, living without prana is not a groundbreaking revelation but what Jeremy did do for me was to help me with breathing. As he reminded us to breathe, he did a five count for the inhalation and a five count for the exhalation. I've been practicing a five count and it's been, surprisingly, helpful as far as me being a better breather.

Decoy Savasanas

Went to Candlelight Restorative Yoga yesterday and went to Hot Yoga today. Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum.

When I went to my first hot yoga class last Saturday, I knew the basics: take two towels and water. I also knew not to wear anything that would become transparent.

Crystal via Patti also advised not to eat too big of a breakfast.

What I didn't know was the other stuff so I was surprised when the instructor told us to make sure that we could see our forehead in the mirror and, when he monitors the room, he makes sure that you are gazing in that direction. I read this after the first class on Yoga Spy's blog:

I do Iyengar yoga, not Bikram yoga, which involves looking at one’s mirror image while doing asana.

Jeremy a.k.a. The Yoga Nazi doesn't usually teach on Thursdays but, as I entered the room, Patti whispered to me that that Jeremy would be the teacher.

I put my mat near the back and near Patti. Looked at Patti and got tickled. Luckily, I made it through the giggle phase because there was really nowhere else to go with my mat. When Jeremy came in the room, he moved people around and I ended up back near the front again. Oh well...

As you might have heard, I'm the hard one. That's what Jeremy said before he laid down the law:

Water breaks between poses, no looking around, no closed eyes and no leaving the room. If you think you need to leave the room, raise your hand and I will have a discussion with you about it. If you get tired or cannot do a pose, stand in Tadsana (Mountain Pose) or kneel in Vajrasana (Sitting Pose). No fidgeting. If you absolutely have to wipe sweat off because it's about to roll in your eye, do it...

I felt like the heat didn't bother me as much this time but I also felt more worn out. Jeremy had us doing yogic sit-ups then planks. We kept going from our backs to our stomachs and there were a couple of fake savasanas thrown in.

When we finally got around to the real savasana, Jeremy actually said Namaste before he left the room.

During Downward Facing Dog, Jeremy said that I our feet should be hip width apart and that our hands should be shoulder width apart. He came over to me and said Your hips are not that big. Guess my delusions of grandeur kicked in again...

Rendezvoused

Eight of us rendezvoused for rock climbing and it was fun playing musical climbing partners. When Jessica and I climbed together, I asked her if she knew how to do Eagle Pose and she quickly put her arms and legs together. As I tried it, I made a comment about my shoulders and Jessica added, and I'm paraphrasing, that I had something else sticking out that prevented me from doing Eagle. I laughed because I hadn't thought of that.

I also asked Jessica about flip turns because I think it's about time. She suggested that I practice somersaults on land and that I remember to breathe once I actually start practicing in water.

After we've climbed for a while, we usually ask one another how many routes we have left in us.

Me: I'm done.

Patti: I don't see your fork.

Me: It's in my forkarm.

When I repeated this joke to Leah and Mike, it was like someone hit the instant replay button. Their faces slowly crumpled upon hearing the punchline. Patti got in on the joking too.

Jessica: I'm going to change.

Patti (while slipping her arm around Jessica): Don't change. You're lovely the way you are.

Me: Don't go changing...to try to please me...

As we were leaving, we exchanged holiday greetings. Leah was trying to spare me a sweaty shirt when I pulled her in and said Have yourself a sweaty little Christmas.

And, now, I can't get this song out of my head...

Hot Yoga Eve

Well, actually, it's not the eve of hot yoga since I went today but that's what Patti called it as we reached the end of our countdown.

I'm not quite sure when I agreed to try hot yoga because I don't really like a lot of heat but figured that I could survive a hot yoga class if I was able to survive Las Vegas in July.

The Yoga Nazi teacher introduced himself then handed down the rules and the one that sticks out the most is that once class started, you were not allowed to alter the aura by leaving the room.

I seldom take a shine to anything of a mandatory nature so I just filed that away. Other rules included:

No talking in class

No cell phones (applause) etc. etc.

No intake of water in the middle of a pose

If you get tired, assume the position on your knees and gaze...

Eyes open (with exception of Savasana) at all times

I decided to wear my green t-shirt made out of bamboo and my sole pair of official yoga pants and they worked beautifully.

I managed to find myself at the front of the room and I survived that too.

Even in regular yoga class, I can't manage Eagle and it was definitely unmanageable since I was completely slick with sweat. In the end, my shoulders are way too tight for this move. And Standing Head to Knee pose? Yeah, that didn't work for me either.

As we did yogic sit-ups and planks, I tried to gauge what time it was and was so relieved when the 1.5 hours was up.

We went into Savasana and the teacher said that we should hold the pose for three to five minutes. I've never had a yoga teacher walk out during Savasana but today was the day. What happened to holding the space? That's something that Madonna did beautifully in Candlelight Restorative Yoga. Or, since Hot Yoga is kind of hardcore, should I not expect the teacher to hold the space?

The Massage Nazi

Three weeks after I send a text, she says that she might be available in two days.

I tell her that I might be there.

She also asked me to come fifteen minutes earlier than originally proposed but still saw me at the original time.

When it's time for the massage, the first place that she lays her hand on is my sacrum although her usual first point of contact is the back.

She has really strong hands and the first time that I received a massage from her, I knew that it was going to be special the minute she put her hands on my back.

When the massage is over, she moves from my head to my side and gently touches me. When I open my eyes, she flashes a 100 megawatt smile, tells me to take my time and that there's no rush.

As I put on my shoes, there's a knock at the door.

Me: Did you think that I had fallen asleep?

TMN: I was like she took me seriously.

She changes the sheets as we chit chat and she tells me how much the session will be.

I hand over the dead presidents.

TMN:I like it when my clients pay in cash.

The Massage Nazi knows what she wants and she also knows how to start and finish a massage...

You Haven't Done Child's Pose Until

As I was driving away from the rock climbing gym, I second-guessed my decision to head to yoga. It was dark, raining, yaddayaddayadda.

I have two visits left on a group coupon and since Yoga Wall is on hiatus, I decided to try Candlelight Restorative Yoga.

I walk in and about seven women were already on the floor. Some of them looked as if they were about to give birth.

I rolled out my mat and it looked completely jadan. The teacher, Madonna, quickly came over since I have a tendency to stick out. She gathered props for me: a strap, eggs, blocks, a blanket, a bolster and eye bag.

Madonna assembled some props and asked me to put my back to the bolster. I put the soles of my feet together and put the strap at my back then over my head and, finally, around my feet. The eggs supported my knees and I reclined with an eye bag. It was like reverse Savasana and Madonna did ring a bell to bring us out of each pose. She told me ahead of time that they usually hold one pose for about 10 minutes.

Next, we did Crocodile. Most of the props were moved to the side except for the bolster which we placed our ribs on while placing our foreheads on an egg.

After Crocodile, we put our legs up on the wall and put our eye bags back in place. The bags, by the way, smelled divine.

At some point, we did Child's Pose by placing the bolster at our knees then laying on it. Amazing. I felt like it was the first time that I've gotten the full benefit of the pose. As I was in Child's Pose, I thought Yoga, where have you been for most of life?

During class, Madonna came around to massage feet, legs and shoulders -- the shoulders with some mentholy situation. I know that the massage and yoga communities are intertwined but I'm not sure where the whole massage during yoga comes from. Never mind. Why look a gift horse in the mouth?

We did Savasana and Madonna preambled by saying that it was the most important pose. After we came out of Savasana, we ended the class with three "Om's." Madonna's got some pipes on her. After "Om," you know what came next:

Namaste

You're Taken or Overheard Everywhere

You should be more respectful to your belayer.

Leah to her friend Jessica

Do they sell gloves or something? My fingers hurt.

Newbie rock climber

Excuse me; it's overflowing.

Woman in Trader Joe's new to the coffee grinder. I reached around her and apologized as I shook her can to make room for more coffee.

Cekaj! Cekaj, man!

One horse playing Bosnian to another while in the pool. Cekaj = wait...

You need to get out. Now...

Lifeguard to man who got up a full head of steam and dived into the shallow end.

I'll climb anything from a 5.2 to a 5.12.

Yusuf

Climber: It wasn't pretty.

Her friend: It was beautiful. I'm very proud of you.

I like leeks in everything...

Coworker

The body has an amazing ability to heal itself if given the proper nutrition.

Bryan, acupuncturist

Climber: Take.

Belayer: You're taken.

When the climber has reached the top of a route, he or she usually says "take" or "take it up" and the belayer says "gotcha." The belayer, in this instance, is a native French speaker and I really like the way he turned the phrase after his climber asked for a "take."