Sunday, March 16, 2014

Yoga Tantrum

So, yeah, I'm heading home after yoga and I'm about one block away from home when I see an unmarked car suddenly all lit up.

The cop skid across the street and arrived at the bumper of this car. Another driver put his car in reverse and was so close that I could see the smirk on his face. My instinct was to try to get out of the way but I stayed put. As I turned away from the smirk, I saw that the officer had pulled out a firearm.

I went around the scene and, in retrospect, I should have gone in the other direction. Just because the officer had his weapon drawn didn't mean that the area was secure. Le sigh...I was a bit dazed by my post-yoga high.

Fast forward to this morning. Nothing feels abnormal. I head to Gloria's class and walk in with Tammy and Mike who normally go to the 11 o'clock class. Juliano and Alison are already there. When I realize that Mike, Tammy, Alison, Juliano and I are all in the same row, it feels a bit cliquish.

Maybe I need to practice yoga at home for a while. Maybe I need to go back to my old spot in the back of the room.

At some point, I pose a bitchy question to Alison and have no idea where it came from or how it formed in my mind.

I hear the always late Linda come in quietly but I can still hear the velcro as she unrolls her mat...

I go through the motions: high lunge, downward facing dog, chair...Think that maybe I'm doing too much yoga -- as if less yoga will help.

I stand in tadasana when Gloria calls for eagle* pose because I know that I will come completely undone if any eagle arms are legs are attempted.

After class, Juliano asks me how I'm doing and a tear rolls down my left eye as he's giving me a hug because It looks like I need one. I also get a hug from Sherry and, by the time Alison gets to me, the tears are really rolling.

During my Saturday class, I looked at my collection of scars. As I looked at them, thought about Lolo Jones and how she once said that the thing that she likes most about her body is the scars (from jumping over hurdles).

Thinking of Lolo Jones appeased me at the time but, later on, I read an article about fat-shaming in yoga but I also remember a post by Lisa over at Just here. Just now. and she talks about visiting a Bikram studio out of town and how her friend's teacher said that the mirrors are there for alignment not judgment. Lisa goes on to make her own revelation:'s not just alignment of your hips, it's about alignment with the truth. Alignment with the moment...Alignment with what is possible, and not possible, that day.  
As I walked yesterday, I listened to Krista Tippett on The Moth. Tippet's grandfather believed that his religion was the only true one. At some point, Tippet visits "psychic" Mary Madison who tells Tippet that her grandfather realizes that he was too strict with himself. Totally related. Also related when Tippet says: I'm not sure what happened in Mary Madison's house that day...It's in that realm of mystery that I honor.

*According to Yoga Journal, one of the benefits of eagle pose is that it improves sense of balance. 


  1. Why are you crying after yoga? Was eagle pose really that bad?

    A couple times in my life I've found myself crying without realizing it was going to happen. Sometimes I'm not even aware of how much emotion is going on, I'm so busy trying to push it away.

    Glad you evaded the police.

  2. Eagle pose brings up negative emotions for me so, once I realized that I was "in a mood," I knew not to bother with it.

    I probably was pushing a few things away but that's a hard state to maintain in a yoga class with all of that quiet and meditative energy...