Food Wit

Overheard while actively or, well, passively watching the box.

How am I supposed to eat without a television?

Homer Simpson

You need to talk to a trained professional about why you live life as a raccoon in a dumpster.

Carrie to Doug on The King of Queens

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing that I could have had a piece of cake tonight.

Gabriel Iglesias in Hot and Fluffy

You mind if I watch you eat that?

Jack, post-heart attack on 30 Rock